...walks into a bar...

**bugjuice** · 23rd May 2005, 16:21

3 pieces of string walk into a bar.

1st piece says 'I'll buy the round, back in a sec'..

Gets to the bar and the barman says 'sorry, don't serve string in here'..
so he comes back all gloomy and empty handed and explains to the other two what happened.

The second piece says; 'we can't have that, I'll go get the beers'

Again, gets to the bar, and the barman says; 'look, I told your mate, we don't serve string in here, sling it..'

So the second piece comes back empty hand too.

The third pipes up and says; 'I'll go get them...'

He spins around in a frenzy and messes his hair up big, then walks up to the bar.

Barman says; 'how many times? We don't serve string, and you are a piece of string!'

3rd piece says; 'fraid knot...'

**Wolf** · 23rd May 2005, 16:30

Polar bear walks into a bar and says "I'll have a gin and ...........................

...................... tonic, please"

The Bartender says "Sure, why the big pause?"

Polar bear says "They help me walk on the snow."

**Wellyman** · 23rd May 2005, 16:33

**Eurodave** · 23rd May 2005, 16:39

This blonde walks into a bar

She said "Ouch , that hurt"

**Eurodave** · 23rd May 2005, 16:40

This horse walks into a bar

The barman says'Why the long face?"

**bugjuice** · 23rd May 2005, 16:44

a man walks into a bar with a cat and an ostridge.

Cat says 'I'll have a GnT, and I'm not payin'

Ostridge says 'I'll have a pint of whatever'

And the man says 'I'll have the same please'

So the bartender serves them, and says 'That's $22.50 please..'

So the man puts his hand in his pocket and brings out $22.50 exact.

This routine goes on for a week, so the bartender asks the man what the deal is..

The man says, 'it's simple. I got found a magic lamp and the gene granted me 3 wishes.
For my first wish, I wished that when I put my hand in my pocket, I had the right money for whatever I was buying...'

'whoaa' says the barman.. 'thats awesome. So what was the other wishes?'

'Well, I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy....'

**Marknz** · 23rd May 2005, 16:45

An Aussie and a South African walk into a bar....

The Kiwi ducks.

**Wolf** · 23rd May 2005, 16:55

A Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman walk into a bar. The bartender asks "Is this some kind of a joke?"

**Waylander** · 23rd May 2005, 17:09

Badoom dom tssh....

NC · 23rd May 2005, 17:16

NC walks into a bar and orders
a...

Ron Riccco and coke
Pina Coloda
Kilkenny
And a 666 shot..

**SPman** · 23rd May 2005, 18:45

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,
"Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:
1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.
2 - The bouncer is a blonde gal.
3 - I'm a 6-foot tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.
Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares,
"Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

**Biff** · 23rd May 2005, 21:41

A blind man walks into an empty bar only to stumble accross the landlord and landlady shagging on the floor.

"Blind man" said the man.
"Oh" said the landlord, "erm in that case can you wait at the bar while I finish cleaning up here?"
"Sure", said the blind man.

The landlord and land lady finished off, stood up and the land lady began slipping her top back on when the blind man said, "Nice tits love, now where do you want these blinds?"