I can't get a woody when I'm on viagra. No bullshit.Originally Posted by marie_speeds
Don't forget to bring a towel
I can't get a woody when I'm on viagra. No bullshit.
Come warm yourself by the fire
Surely your overcompensating with blood flow for him
Reactor Online. Sensors Online. Weapons Online. All Systems Nominal.
Moped rider
As I said that explains a lot....
Anarchic Wild Child
You need one of those outie thingies ... not an innie ...
"So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."
Moped rider
So what you're actually trying to say is that you're a soft ........
Come warm yourself by the fire
Skinny, rather rich looking guy turns up to a dodgy looking whore house in Manurewa.
Confused - the door man asks "Can I help you?"
"Yes, I would like the biggest, blackest chick you have here"
"....ah....ok? Will cost you $100 for the hour - but check out the door at the end of the hall, she is a big bitch and will treat you good"
The honky gives the $100 cash to the door man, heads down the hall. And opens the door to a huge fat, lady. She is wearing underwear - but it is well concealed underneath folds of flab. Lifting her flabby arm she reaches for a bucket of KFC, and promptly swallows a whole drumstick.
The honky storms back down the hallway, and confronts the doorman (who is cracking up laughing).
"NO! YOU DIDN'T LISTEN TO ME - I WANT YOUR BIGGEST, BLACKEST GIRL! I WANT A HUGE BITCH - THAT CHICK WAS JUST OVERSIZED!!!! I WANT HUGE!"
....
Confused the door man asks: "But she was size 20......are you sure you want bigger?"
"Yes, give me the biggest"
"Ok well we usually don't have any customers for her, but if you go around the back. There is shed out there - her name is Moana, here take this food with you"
The honky storms out the back of the building and spots the shed. Opens the door to a masssive creature.
Moana is lying on a double bed, but her huge folds of flab cover the entire mattress. She makes eye contact, and barely moves her hand to wave him over. He gives her the food, and as she stuffs her mouth she says. "Jump on baby"....parting her legs like a giant clam.
He stares for about 10 seconds, then tap his chin and replies "Thats great, thankyou" rushing out the door.
While walking back to the car - the door man yells out: "Hey honky, didn't you want to fuck her - hahaha!"
"Nope, just wanted to see what pink cushions look like on a black settee"
Reactor Online. Sensors Online. Weapons Online. All Systems Nominal.
Anarchic Wild Child
http://video.clipta.com/Balls_Of_Ste...6fd4e2f0031768
Sorry .. It won't load the video here - but it's f'ken funny and worth the look ..
"So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."
Slapper?
Tis indeed,brillant.
Be the person your dog thinks you are...
Grumpy Old Bastard
That is a HOOT!
. “No pleasure is worth giving up for two more years in a rest home.” Kingsley Amis
The magic is in the rubbing.
Not exactly offensive....an old favourite of mine
Why do blondes wear gold hoops ear-rings?
They need somewhere to put there toes during sex
Anarchic Wild Child
And in the same vein .. tho' more offesive to blondes ...
Q: How do you know when a Blonde has an orgasm?
A: She drops her nail file.
"So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."
The magic is in the rubbing.
Oh and I love the one about the blonde at the haridressers with the head phones in.....when he removes them she drops dead....he picks them up and listens......"breath in , breath out, breath in, breath out....."
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
The [lack of] offensiveness of jokes in this thread is sickening.
I was with my mate the other night and we was talking about birds we had shagged. I offered to show him a few of my latest conquests and he was speechless.
'The thing is they are all just there for the pickings, so easy to get into their knickers, no sweet talking needs to be involved. Use them and abuse them' I said winking.
'Seiously how the fuck can you do that, it's inhumane???' He studdered.
'Alright when did you turn all soppy on me?' I said scornfully.
I walked away in disgust, slamming the door to the morgue on my way out...
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
Anarchic Wild Child
Yes ... that was sick ... offensive. no ... sick yes ...The [lack of] offensiveness of jokes in this thread is sickening.
I was with my mate the other night and we was talking about birds we had shagged. I offered to show him a few of my latest conquests and he was speechless.
'The thing is they are all just there for the pickings, so easy to get into their knickers, no sweet talking needs to be involved. Use them and abuse them' I said winking.
'Seiously how the fuck can you do that, it's inhumane???' He studdered.
'Alright when did you turn all soppy on me?' I said scornfully.
I walked away in disgust, slamming the door to the morgue on my way out...
"So if you meet me, have some sympathy, have some courtesy, have some taste ..."
Wearing Hi-Viz Black.
Just dipping my toe into the depths of "offensiveness"...
TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”
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