Offensive jokes

[Cayman911]

-whats the difference between a cake and a jew....
i dont burn my cakes...

-whats long and black
the unimployment line

-why do black people have white palms?
cuz there is a little bit of good in everybody...

-How many jews can fit in a sports car?
60. one driving, 2 in the back, one in a passenger side, and the others in the ashtray

- Why does Mexico never win any gold medals in the olympics?
Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already over the border.

- Why does a bride wear white?
so she can match the stove, dish washer and fridge

-whats the difference between a jew and a boyscout?
boyscouts come home from camp

-What's the worst thing about being a black Jew?
You have to sit at the back of the oven

-What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito on top of the head it'll stop sucking

-Whats the difference between iron man and iron woman?
One's a superhero and the other's a command.

-Why are women's feet shorter?
So they can stand closer to the stove

[slofox]

I was watching a horror film earlier with the wife. She was absolutely shitting herself.
The laxatives I slipped in her tea worked a fucking treat.


Two country boys sat in the pub and the first one said: “see that Miranda, farmer Jones’s daughter”
“Yes”
“Well she takes a carrot down to the bottom field rams it in a hole in the fence and fucks it.” He said: “You haven’t had a fuck for ages, why don’t you go down and substitute your cock for the carrot?”
Second one said: “I will”
Next day, the second one came to the pub in agony.
First one said: “what’s wrong with you?”
“I did what you said. I went down to the bottom field and substituted my cock for the carrot”
“What happened?”
“You could have told me she fucking peels it”


Americans! i can help you lose weight with 1 golden rule!!
no credit card required!
no payment at all - it's free!!!
no need for diet pills with adverse side effects!
be the envy of your fat friends!
doesn't matter if you're 'big boned'!!!
doesn't matter if you've got a low metabolism!!!
no excuses!!!

here it is!! golden rule:
Eat less. Move more.
You fat cunts.


I won't miss my wife...
...Not when I have a telescopic sight on my rifle.

[avgas]

Bum1 : Hey man, how you going?
Bum2 : Good, how about you - didn't see you last night.
Bum1: Really good, yeah I got some sex last night.
Bum2 : Sex? Where?
Bum1 : Down by the rail road tracks - she was fucking hot, great body, even got to fuck her in the ass.
Bum2: Shit that's awesome.....hey did you get a blow-job?
Bum1 : Nah......couldn't find her head

[Kornholio]

Had some good chortles... was gonna post some redneck jokes but that would be just putting shit on myself

[SMOKEU]

Had some good chortles... was gonna post some redneck jokes but that would be just putting shit on myself

The fun police will get over it eventually.

[avgas]

Ok guys here is a scenario for you all.
If you woke up, in a tent, your arse hurts real bad, your naked.....and a condom is hanging out of your arse full of cum. Would you tell anyone?





























































































































Wanna go camping?

[bogan]

-whats the difference between a cake and a jew....
i dont burn my cakes...

-whats long and black
the unimployment line

-why do black people have white palms?
cuz there is a little bit of good in everybody...

-How many jews can fit in a sports car?
60. one driving, 2 in the back, one in a passenger side, and the others in the ashtray

- Why does Mexico never win any gold medals in the olympics?
Because anyone who can run, jump, or swim is already over the border.

- Why does a bride wear white?
so she can match the stove, dish washer and fridge

-whats the difference between a jew and a boyscout?
boyscouts come home from camp

-What's the worst thing about being a black Jew?
You have to sit at the back of the oven

-What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito on top of the head it'll stop sucking

-Whats the difference between iron man and iron woman?
One's a superhero and the other's a command.

-Why are women's feet shorter?
So they can stand closer to the stove

some of those are worthy of the offensive title! still fucking lols though.

remembered one more

Got the Christmas tree lights out last night,and you know what,they remind me of niggers
Hardly any of them work, they're all chained together and they look best hanging from a tree

[SMOKEU]

How do you stop a nigger from hanging out in front of your house?
Hang him out the back!



How do you get 10 niggers into a Mini?
Throw in a welfare cheque!

How do you get them out again?
Throw in a job application!


How do you get a nigger out of a tree?
Cut the rope!

[Love my Bonnie]

& I quote

what do you say when you wake up in th emiddle of the night & see your TV floating?
Drop it nigger.

Did you hear about Klu Klux Kenevil, he tried to jump 40,000 niggers in a steam roller & failed.
now you know why the road is black!

[98tls]

Newcastle police are dumbfounded after the recent death of a black family killed by a falling tree during a storm,they said "we had no idea they were living up there".

[98tls]

How long does it take before a nigger baby explodes in the micro-wave?,no idea i was to busy masturbating to notice.

[98tls]

A 12 year old girl sits on Santas knee "what would you like for xmas little girl" he says,"some hair on my cunt" she replies,"would a white beard do?" he answers.

[98tls]

A womens uncomfortable watching you wank do you A think shes a prude B think you need to get to know her better C think she should have sat somewhere else on the bus.?

[T.W.R]

White guy goes into the delivery room at the hospital, the nurse hands him a black baby whilst asking "is this yours?" bloke says "yeah probably, my wife burns fuckin everything!"

[SMOKEU]

What did the hot dog vendor at the World Trade Center say?
Who ordered 2 jumbos!


Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?
God gave him his gas bill!


What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?
Santa Claus goes down the chimney!