Brick layer

**texmo** · 3rd June 2005, 14:19

This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. So here, thanks to John Sedgwick, is this Bricklayer's report.

Dear Sir;

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a more complete explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.

I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

**SPORK** · 3rd June 2005, 14:24

BLeh.

There's a song with the same storyline as this. Sung by some irish/scottish/brittish/sh guy. Something about Murphy? I can't remember, but I want that song again, havn't heard it in years.

**Sniper** · 3rd June 2005, 15:11

Thats very good

**bugjuice** · 3rd June 2005, 15:13

read it a million times before (I think this might be one of the first emails circulated to me when I got my first work email address..)

but never get bored of reading it! Well written, and funny. It's almost a 'Homer' thing - D'oh!!

**phantom** · 3rd June 2005, 20:17

got it on a record ( remember them ) by Gerard Hoffnung, originally broadcast on the BBC in 1973

**texmo** · 11th August 2005, 01:42

This is a bricklayer's accident report that was printed in the newsletter of the English equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. So here, thanks to John Sedgwick, is this Bricklayer's report.

Dear Sir;

I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident reporting form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a more complete explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to weigh 240 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 240 lbs of bricks. You will note on the accident reporting form that my weight is 135 lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3, accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley which I mentioned in Paragraph 2 of this correspondence. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs.

I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move and watching the empty barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope.

Im sure this must have been posted before, its still good though...

**Gremlin** · 11th August 2005, 01:46

My dad brought this home (office email jokes) yonks ago and it had me in stitches for a couple of minutes especially as I work on building sites, and I have an excellent imagination.

Very good, but I think there is a little bit after he let go of the bucket at the end...

**texmo** · 11th August 2005, 01:54

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning.

The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

The ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in obvious agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me," she told him earnestly.

"Ummph, oooh, noooo... I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.

But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and put her hands inside. She began to massage his privates.

She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

He replied still in agony, "It feels great, but it doesn't do a thing for my thumb. It still hurts like hell!"

**SARGE** · 2nd October 2006, 14:23

This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was
printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers'
Compensation board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure....

Dear Sir "I am writing in response to your request for
additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I
put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the
accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth
floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the
roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down
and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the
bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs.

Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so
suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.
Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now
proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the
fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in
section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the
fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to
hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of
bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now
devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I
refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent,
down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I
met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken
tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter
with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I
fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were
cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks,
in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind
and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
journey back down onto me.
This explains the two broken legs.

They settled his claim...

**sAsLEX** · 2nd October 2006, 14:30

Candidate for the darwin awards on a few occassions and also REPOst

**KLOWN** · 2nd October 2006, 14:36

they tried this on mythbuters because it is such a retold story, and they managd to recreate the experiance and deemed it plausible.

**SARGE** · 2nd October 2006, 14:49

Originally Posted by KLOWN

they tried this on mythbuters because it is such a retold story, and they managd to recreate the experiance and deemed it plausible.

shit that recreation would hurt...

**Macktheknife** · 2nd October 2006, 16:06

Yeah but they had to remove 2 of the barrel's metal rings for it to work.
Crash test dummy had a bad day that day, they had to try it about 6 times to get it right! lol