Work Evaluations

[Maximus]

Dunno about you guy's, but we have "performance evaluations" twice a year at my place of employment, this is to see who does and who doesn't get a payrise. Anyway our evaluations are coming up, and I thought that there might be a few others in the same boat as me, and if you are take a look a these crazy americans, and thank God we live in NZ!!
These are actual quotes taken from Federal Government employee performance evaluations:

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."

8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."

10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

13. ??

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "One neuron short of a synapse."

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."

31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."

32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"

[v.ros`]

Lol @ the SPERM one..
shit thats harsh man

[Maximus]

Yea mate, they are pretty harsh! Only in america huh!!

[Jonty]

Good one - there are some candidates for those evalutions around here at the moment

[k14]

Ahhh, those are brillant, got to keep them in a safe place for when i'm the one doing the evaluations

[Wolf]

Yea mate, they are pretty harsh! Only in america huh!!

Actually, some of those quotes I've seen before - and they were taken from British Armed forces assessments. Probably, like so much net lore, the original list was supplemented with quoptes from other sources.

Other Brit Armed Services ones I like were "His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity" and "He would be out of his depth in a carpark puddle"