Bad Biff - Down Boy

[Biff]

Well I finally did it today - and I'm ashamed to say that I did rather enjoy it.

You see, for the past few weeks some muppet that works in the local car hire yard has brought a little dog to work, every day. It’s quite an old dog. A hairy terrier of sorts I think. Now I've remained calm about the fact it shits all over place. I even find it mildly amusing when it takes to lying down in the middle of the car park and refusing to move when you get near it in a car. The little shit just lies there. You have to get out of the car and virtually push the thing out of the way. The rest of the time it just lies around, in bushes or doorways normally.

But he's a little dog - the kind that always, always decides to chase you while you're riding your bike. Little jaws snapping at the bikes tyres and your feet. Bastards.

Anyhoo - today was the last straw. After 3 days on the trot dodging the little bastard as he snapped at either myself or the bike, or slamming my brakes on so that I don’t snap the little bstard in half, I snuck out of the office, looking out of the window to see if he was around. He wasn't. So I quickly got my stuff together, and went outside to mount the BiffBird. I started her up, rolled backwards and just as I was beginning to take off the little bastard came shooting around the corner straight at me. We headed on a collision course. It was him or me. Just as we met he dived to avoid a direct hit and went to snap at my heels. With an instinctive reflex my foot shot out, at speed. I really wanted to kick this little bastard. And I did. And he landed between 8-10 metres away. I launched the little bastard clean into the air. He yelped when my boot struck his head. He yelped when he landed, and then he yelped several time in quick succession . And I felt bloody good about it to.

I still do.

I love dogs. I don't really dislike this dog.

Sorry. But you had it coming.

[Zapf]

hahah.... well... lets hope its the last lesson that dog learns about bikes...

I really want to be able to speak dog and find out why the heck they chase bikes.....

[Waylander]

hahah.... well... lets hope its the last lesson that dog learns about bikes...

I really want to be able to speak dog and find out why the heck they chase bikes.....

Probably the same reason Gators in Florida start burping/rumbling/growling when the space shuttle takes off.

[Biff]

Probably the same reason Gators in Florida start burping/rumbling/growling when the space shuttle takes off.

Or the reason why the Lesser Spotted Peruvian Cave Monkey chews off its rear feet when you taunt it with a moist beach towel. It's a funny world eh?

[Waylander]

Or the reason why the Lesser Spotted Peruvian Cave Monkey chews off its rear feet when you taunt it with a moist beach towel. It's a funny world eh?

What you talking about now? lol The gators rumble and such when the space shuttle takes off becouse that is how they attract female gators. They think the shuttle is a bigger gator and try to compete. Dogs probably think bikes are bigger dogs. explains why some dogs run twords then along side, some try to attack, others run away from them.


Sorry if I ruined a joke for ya...

[Biff]

Sorry if I ruined a joke for ya...

No not at all. Don't mind me, this time of night I talk more crap than normal. And that's a lot of crap. In fact I can talk so much crap that Greenpeace have been known to stick a flag in my gob and to abseil down my chin, unfolding banners in the process. It sort of tickles.

Mmmmm - gators. I ate alligator once. It was smoked. A cross between meat and fish. Interestingly enough my stomach rumbled later when a local girl grabbed my pocket rocket.

Ignore me - like one of Riff Raff's farts I linger for a short while then generally waft away somewhere else.

[Dadpole]

Or the dogs are interested in mating - go faster Biff

[Waylander]

Or the dogs are interested in mating - go faster Biff

Well that puts a new spin on it...



Lol you're fun Biff you can stick around just let me find my gas mask to block most of the smell.

[justsomeguy]

hahah.... well... lets hope its the last lesson that dog learns about bikes...

I really want to be able to speak dog and find out why the heck they chase bikes.....

Well......... that reminds me of a joke....

Q: Why do men sleep with women they have no intention of marrying?
A: The same reason dogs chase bikes they have no intention of riding.

[Big Dave]

.....great.....do you know any funny ones?

[justsomeguy]

.....great.....do you know any funny ones?

......probably not

Do you ?

[Zed]

Well I finally did it today - and I'm ashamed to say that I did rather enjoy it.

Nah nothing to be ashamed about there Biff, you were only defending yourself after all...I'm sure is wasn't premeditated!

Anyway, the stupid mut had it coming. I'd be interested to hear if he tries to chase you again?

[Big Dave]

......probably not

Do you ?

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

[Zapf]

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

replace car with bike.

[Riff Raff]

Ignore me - like one of Riff Raff's farts I linger for a short while then generally waft away somewhere else.

Mmmmm got a nice one brewing just for you!