Airport toilet giggle

[Fatt Max]

So, goes like this....

Booked on the 7am to Wellington last Tuesday. Had a few beers and some good feed Monday night meaning I seriously need to roll a cable before getting on the plane.

Head for the bogs at Auckland airport, settle myself into the trap and get on with the job.

I hear the cubicle door to my right open and a very huffy puffy man enter, obviously in desperate need, we've all been there.

So, he huffs and he puffs and he pulls his pants down and the loudest and smelliest 'phhhaaaaaarrrrrrrpppppp' resonates throughout the area followed by a 'PLOOOOP' which sounded like someone dropping a brick in a spa pool.

'Ooorrrrr.....arrrrrghhhhh.....oooh....paaaaarrrrr rppppp.....oooorrrggghhhh' come the noises from next door as well as further plooops, plips, squeeks, farts and plops.....

I'm just about gagging in the trap next door cos it smells like an upturned graveyard on a summers day plus the sound effects and 'pooh sex' noises are distracting me from rolling my own Osama.

Then I hear the unmistakable sound of the Nolia ring town resonating from next door.

"Ahh fuck, for fuck sake, ahhhh...." expletes my dump buddy next door as he rattles around trying to find his phone (I would have left it ring myself but it takes all sorts).

And he answers his phone......

"Hi its Bill.........oh hello love, funny enough I was just thinking about you......"

The rest of the conversation is lost while I and the rest of the toilet block burst into laughter.

"Tell her you have got her something nice from duty free" roared one voice
"Does she want chips or salad with that?" roared another
"At least you dont have to cuddle it after" roared mine

Silence from Mr Noisy Pooh as we all continuue to laugh.

I'm out of there while he is still whispering sweet nothings to his lady while his plopper makes it's way to Mangere Poo Ponds....I hope thay cancelled all leave because it sounded like a new Canadian record.

So girls, when your man is on a business trip, might be best to clarify exactly where he is and what he is doing before you get down to the kissy kissy phone convo.

Good crack....

[Taz]

Bastards, that was me!! Can't even take a dump in peace!!

[Edbear]

Classic!

[PrincessBandit]

Eeeewwww. On a more serious note, a few years ago on an overseas school trip I refused to do number 2s (even though I reeeeeaaaaalllly needed to) due to all the students who were in the bogs at the same time. (you know, all giggly and touching up their makeup etc. while yours truly truly had to "go"). Couldn't bring myself to take a dump while they were all clustered in their gaggles around the mirrors.

Anyway I ended up blocked for almost 2 weeks! No matter how hard I tried to go (in the privacy of a lone motel loo at some ungodly hour of the morning) nothing would work. Was actually pretty worried after a while. Ultimately everything seemed to be ok, but I vowed I'd never go through that again. So, I consider myself a role model for young girls who are too embarrassed to stink out a bog. I proudly announce "Stella is in the house" (Stella the skunk, from "Over the Hedge" to the uninitiated) after nuking the powder room.

I do however draw the line at grunting and squealing etc etc etc (as per Mr. Noisy Poo in the OP).

[ynot slow]

Guys chuck shitloads of paper in the bog to muffle the sound of splatter,well that's what people must do before I get into the bog,just about everyone has loo paper still there.

[LBD]

Sounds like me the first 2-3 days at site...its a combo of the altitude and mess food.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KOPi...layer_embedded

[oldrider]

Too much information Max, bloody funny but too much for my stomach to take!

[crazyhorse]

Absolutely fuckin brilliant

[Woodman]

Have thought about this a lot, and believe that public bogs should have farting and shitting noises played through a speaker system, then it would be impossible to distinguish "real" from "audio" ablution noises. It would be way more relaxing for those who don't want to draw attention to themselves.

[FJRider]

I guess "you have to be there" to appreciate the full effect ...

I'm just glad I wasn't ...

[mattian]

Have thought about this a lot, and believe that public bogs should have farting and shitting noises played through a speaker system, then it would be impossible to distinguish "real" from "audio" ablution noises. It would be way more relaxing for those who don't want to draw attention to themselves.

funnily enough, in Japan they have this very thing in some public toilets. Not exactly sure what sound effects it plays though. You push a button and it makes noises designed to drown out the sounds.

[PrincessBandit]

funnily enough, in Japan they have this very thing in some public toilets. Not exactly sure what sound effects it plays though. You push a button and it makes noises designed to drown out the sounds.

Trust the Japs...

[mattian]

Trust the Japs...

yep..... you can buy womens underwear out of vending machines.....

So, I've heard

[Pixie]

funnily enough, in Japan they have this very thing in some public toilets. Not exactly sure what sound effects it plays though. You push a button and it makes noises designed to drown out the sounds.

The only sound acceptable,would have to be the classic screaming whistle of a,siren equipped, WW2 Luftwaffe aerial bomb.