Retarded complaints

[Scuba_Steve]

these are always fun for shitz 'n giggles, retarded customers complaining.
Post your best one's here regardless of whether they were complained to you personally, you were the retard complaining, it was a "mate of a mate", you saw it published somewhere, or one of the internationally known ones (like the comp in the power-cut) I want to hear them.

Here's a couple from sunshine uk to get started

* On a trip to the Canary Islands off northwest Africa, a woman complained that the sand was too hot and her children could not walk to the sea for a swim.

* A man who went to the Costa del Sol in southern Spain complained that as a result of the buffet in his all-inclusive hotel, he had put on "at least 2kg" during his trip.

* One man holidaying in Portugal was unhappy his hotel bed was "too comfy" so he overslept when he would have "preferred to be making the most of it".

And one from my experience working at DSE

Had a power cut one day (Higgins cut through the power line) so we have to shut shop as one we can't operate without power & 2 it's an OSH hazard (store goes into darkness).
So we're all out front as we're not allowed to be in the dark store and some dude comes walking towards the store to which we politely inform him the store's closed & why, his response came back (in a disgruntled voice) as "I thought you were supposed to be an electronic store"
Obviously doesn't know the difference between electronic store & power plant

[oneofsix]

Obviously doesn't know the difference between electronic store & power plant

It all use electrons Like to see the results when he feed 230V direct into his i-whatsit

[mashman]

I was onsite a few weeks ago and overheard the conversation of a woman hounding the service desk... she had recently moved desks and was getting increasingly frustrated at her monitor not working... I lifted the monitor lid on her laptop, noticed the lack of picture, then pushed the power button et voila... "oh, it's ok, he's just fiddled with the cables and it's come good"

[Whynot]

"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time' - this should be banned."

"On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

A tourist at a top African game lodge overlooking a waterhole, who spotted a visibly aroused elephant, complained that the sight of this rampant beast ruined his honeymoon by making him feel 'inadequate'.

A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff, when in fact, she had mistaken the "Do Not Disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

"The beach was too sandy."

"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

"Topless sunbathing on the beach should be banned. The holiday was ruined as my husband spent all day looking at other women."

"We bought 'Ray-Ban' sunglasses for five Euros (£3.50) from a street trader, only to find out they were fake."

"No-one told us there would be fish in the sea. The children were startled."

"It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It only took the Americans three hours to get home."

"I compared the size of our one-bedroom apartment to our friends' three-bedroom apartment and ours was significantly smaller."

"There are too many Spanish people. The receptionist speaks Spanish. The food is Spanish. Too many foreigners."

"We had to queue outside with no air conditioning."

"It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

"I was bitten by a mosquito - no-one said they could bite."

"My fiancé and I booked a twin-bedded room but we were placed in a double-bedded room. We now hold you responsible for the fact that I find myself pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

"The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the accommodation'. We're trainee hairdressers - will we be okay staying here?"

[slofox]

Do suggestions like these count as complaints?

As recorded by Forest Service somewhere or other...


# "Escalators would help on steep uphill sections."

# "A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call."

# "Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce worldwide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness."

# "Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands."

# "Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals."

# "All the mile markers are missing this year."

# "Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse."

# "Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill."

# "Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests."

# "Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow in the winter."

# "Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them."

# "The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals."

# "Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights."

# "A McDonald's would be nice at the trailhead."

# "The places where trails do not exist are not well marked."

# "Too many rocks in the mountains."

# "Need more signs to keep area pristine."

[Scuba_Steve]

some from the UK housing council

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant



Microsoft technical help-desk
Agent: Right, now I want you to close all the open windows.
(after 5 minutes of silence)
Customer: The only window that was open was in the bathroom…I’ve closed that, now what?

Au Natural
Customer: Hi, I am looking for candles.
Agent: OK, is it just any kind of candles?
Customer: No, it’s those scented ones…now what do you call them? That’s it, incest candles.

[MSTRS:Me]

I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage and their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.

My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand.

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and she would like it in the garden before we move house.

I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6a.m., his cock wakes me up and now it's getting too much for me.

The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six times, but I still have no satisfaction.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get BBC2.

My bush is really overgrown around the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

...and he's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take any more.

...that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

[Maha]

Genuine personal complaint ...
I went to a gathering once, and there were people there...

[slofox]

Dear Domino’s
that’s it. I’ve had enough of this post-pizza rolling on the floor holding my ass. I will run you over. I will find out who is reading this letter (You are. It’s you.) and I will run you over with a car. Don’t think I’m serious? I AM WRITING THIS IN MY CAR. That is how not fucking around right now I am. I am writing this on my steering wheel and it is honking every time I write a letter and now the police are coming and I will have to cut this short.
OK, they’re gone.
Die-HONK-Die-Die-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-HONK-Die-Die-Die

[Mully]

http://notalwaysright.com/

Millions of them.....

[superman]

Me at dairy, grabs lift plus from fridge, big label $1.99. Bring to counter.

Dairy Owner :$2 thanks.
Me: Oh the fridge says $1.99, and I'm paying with eftpos.
DO: $2 take it or leave it.
Me: *walking off* you've displayed a price on your fridge, you're not providing customers with accurate prices and misrepresenting your stock. I guess you can't understand the issue, though that's probably why you're a dairy owner and not doing something else.

I know it was one cent, but I was iffy about wanting a drink and that just set me off. Lol. Such a stupid complaint though.

[sunhuntin]

had a goody when i worked at bp.

woman rang up and said she had purchased a phone top up earlier that day. she had mistaken it for a receipt and thrown it out, and wanted to know if she could get a free replacement. i told her she could come get another one, but would have to pay for it. strangely enough she didnt come in, hehehe.

edit, just remembered a beauty. i always read out the price down to the cent, instead of rounding it up, reading what the computer gives me [ie, $1.99 instead of $2] and i had one woman rip into me cos the computer didnt round up. i told her it wasnt up to me, and that all tills do it. she went on for quite a while about it. was glad to see her leave.

[rwh]

Dear Domino’s
that’s it. I’ve had enough of this post-pizza rolling on the floor holding my ass.

You've got the trots from what's in the box with the dots?

Richard

[steve_t]

Oldie but a goodie

[hayd3n]

not so much a complaint but a retarted question
from a old m8 of mine
at the local fish n chip shop
"how much is a dollars chip?"
it took him about 5 minutes to click on what we were all laughing about