Dealing with "it"

[MSTRS:Me]

Mate--you know me about as well as anyone not in my family. I really can't cry.

Haven't got the tear ducts? Or some other physical reason?
Or is it that you just aren't hurting enough inside?

Because anything else is just a symptom of being too well practised at putting on the hardman face...

[Paul in NZ]

Tony dont sweat it mate. Look - being painfully honest man you definately march to the beat of your own drum mate, its one of the things I like about you BUT that, combined with your bonks on da head might mean that some of your emotional processing works a little different than some others.

Cryings great but not crying DONT mean you dont care, you just process it differently.

Its a big world mate and we are all different creatures despite being all the same. We all grieve and we all hurt. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow said, "Well has it been said that there is no grief like the grief which does not speak."

Feel your pain, sorry for your loss...

[Gremlin]

I'd say, do whatever the hell you want to do, that makes you feel a bit better about losing them (with the exception of turning to drink etc).

Remember what you got up to, with them, with common mates, just think about them internally, whatever you like.

Me? I be lucky. Quite unemotional and not dramatically phased by it (hardest part is actually watching others get really cut up about it, parents of a child, that sort of thing). I mean, its a bugger they are not around, as we got up to some fantastic things, etc. Otherwise... uh... you move on, find some more friends, rinse and repeat the great adventures.

At one point, I actually had to think... shit, I've run out of biking friends. They're either dead or given up riding. Then I found some more, and had more fun.

[specter]

ive just finished a course pertaining to the grieving process for work, and the main point to bring from it is show your emotion, find some good friends who knew this person and crack some beers and chat about the good times and the bad...

men who do not grieve are not "men" or good friends, to show grief is to show you cared about this person.

only time, emotion and talking will ease your pain..

[Mom]

So how do "real men" actually deal with it when a mate unexpectedly dies?

They cry, in the comfort of their loved ones arms. They get on with things and dont dwell. They excuse themselves and HOWL when they have to. They ask for help

They get on with things, with whatever support they need.

Not sure about real men, but that is how us mere girls cope

[scissorhands]

Being autistic, I dont show emotion much either, no biggie

Surfers lose a few soldiers, not as many as bikers. Musicians lose quite a few. Hard drugs, riding hard and booze will do you in

[scumdog]

Nah, he's a traffic cop, he has no idea what I'm talking about.

Wotchoo talkin' 'bout Willis??

[davebullet]

Get someone close that you trust and tell them how you feel. Pour it out. You are bound to cry doing so. Be honest and spill it all. The sadness, the anger, the rejection, the guilt whatever comes through your mind.

Then go have a big sleep. It's emotionally draining.

[Oblivion]

Get someone close that you trust and tell them how you feel. Pour it out. You are bound to cry doing so. Be honest and spill it all. The sadness, the anger, the rejection, the guilt whatever comes through your mind.

Then go have a big sleep. It's emotionally draining.

It is. Just had some stuff happen within my family that I really didn't need to put up with. I just let it all out. No-one will think of you any less for doing so.

Hell, while writing this I'm partly falling asleep.

[FROSTY:Me]

men who do not grieve are not "men" or good friends, to show grief is to show you cared about this person.

AND THAT good sir is it in a nutshell.On the outside all is normal The mask is on,The staff and family have the boss/dad same as normal -life goes on.Inside all the "normal" shit in life is extra hard.

[Ratti]

AND THAT good sir is it in a nutshell.On the outside all is normal The mask is on,The staff and family have the boss/dad same as normal -life goes on.Inside all the "normal" shit in life is extra hard.

You got it buddy. LIFE GOES ON
Hell Tony, we've known each other for how long??? 25 years dude, that's how bloody long. we both know some of the severe emotional shite the other has lived through. Guess what? Emotional shite IS normal. The stuff going on in your head is ok. Life carrying on as normal is ok. It's what humans do.

Best advice I can suggest is find mutual friends and remember our departed buddies,honour them and honour ourselves by continuing to do ordinary stuff. It's called living.

Hey, call or text me if we share a friend you want to talk about.

[ellipsis]

...an hour after I heard a good ole mate got lost on a west coast bar on his way in, I stopped for an hour on a big hill on my way home and screamed into a big southerly, drunk rum, smoked cigarettes and threw rocks at sheep...it worked well too...like scummy says tho...it only works for you, they are outta here...

[ynot slow]

Why worry about crying,it's not important,as long as you get a grip on the emotions,maybe having a talk to someone etc.Talking about your grief can be done and could be as theraputic as a good bawl.

I was 24 at my pops funeral,went and saw him in funeral home,gave nan a hug and kiss etc,no tears,as eldest grandchild and having 5 sons/son inlaw I made the 6 pall bearers,no tears,my cousins gave a eulogy and she was upset,wasn't till my cousin who is 4 days younger than me said "cuzz I'm proud of you" and that did it lol.My nana died 4 yrs later,she had her grandkids pall bearers,all of us were blubbering messes leaving the church,mainly due to a cousin crying,was a chain reaction.

I guess the best thing is remember the fun and crap times together,relish you're alive with family and friends.

[XxKiTtiExX]

How do you deal with losing anyone? Friends, family, offspring? By not being to afraid to cry perhaps? I've found opening up to very close friends helps a lot, but in regards to certain losses I feel these friends would lack understanding, so there it can become difficult. In my own situation I've found that reminding myself of the fact that the person/s who have passed would not want to see me struggling to cope with losing them, and that they wouldn't want to see me stuck in a rut (everything that I do on a daily basis I do knowing that it would make them proud). And also by believing that I am showing a certain person how much they are/would have been loved through my love for my son (if that makes sense).

(Females input I know).

[MSTRS:Me]

I'm beginning to think that Frosty is talking about how not being able to deal with a long succession of losses is becoming a problem, in that he is finding it increasingly difficult to go on in everyday life without the accumulation of grief affecting his every thought?
If so, this is something 'more serious' - because he may be approaching that state known as clinical depression.
I hope I am wrong, but if not, then mate, you need to get more help than can be offered on here.