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Thread: Nursing home

  1. #1
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    6th June 2008 - 17:24
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    Nursing home

    No NURSING HOME FOR me!!!

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    No nursing home for us. We'll be checking into a Holiday Inn!


    With the average cost for a nursing home care costing $188.00 per day, there is a better way when we get old and too feeble.
    I've already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn.

    For a combined long term stay discount and senior discount, it's $59.23 per night.

    Breakfast is included, and some have happy hours in the afternoon.

    That leaves $128.77 a day for lunch and dinner in any restaurant we want, or room service, laundry, gratuities and special TV movies.

    Plus, they provide a spa, swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge and washer-dryer, etc.

    Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap.
    $5 worth of tips a day you'll have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

    They treat you like a customer, not a patient.

    There's a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.

    The handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp).

    To meet other nice people, call a church bus on Sundays..

    For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there.

    While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up.


    It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. Holiday Inn will take your reservation today.

    And you're not stuck in one place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.

    Want to see Hawaii? They have Holiday Inn there too.

    TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem.. They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience.


    The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks to see if you are ok. If not, they'll call an ambulance . ... . or the undertaker.

    If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.


    And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation.


    The grandkids can use the pool.

    What more could I ask for?

    So, when I reach that golden age, I'll face it with a grin..

    AIDS WARNING!


    To all of you approaching 50 or have REACHED 50 and past, this is especially for you......

    SENIOR CITIZENS
    ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!

    HEARING AIDS

    BAND AIDS

    ROLL AIDS

    WALKING AIDS

    MEDICAL AIDS

    GOVERNMENT AIDS

    MOST OF ALL,

    MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!

    Not forgetting HIV

    (Hair is Vanishing)



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    . “No pleasure is worth giving up for two more years in a rest home.” Kingsley Amis

  2. #2
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    10th May 2009 - 15:22
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    I don't think the Holiday Inn will change your nappy or bath you though ...

  3. #3
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    15th August 2007 - 17:36
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    I was chatting to the maintance man down at North-Bridge today. (old folks residents here on the shore) He was telling me it's a 10 year waiting list!!!. Maybe longer if there's nothing available. Might like book in early.

  4. #4
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    3rd February 2004 - 08:11
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    Probably a repost...
    Let's put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in a nursing home. This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks, they'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment , wheel chairs etc. and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

    They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly if they fell, or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

    A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counseling, pool, and education.

    Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, P.J.'s and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard with gardens. Each senior could have a P.C. a T.V. radio, and daily phone calls.

    There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct, that would be strictly adhered to.

    The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone, and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room, and pay $5000.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out. Justice for all.
    it's not a bad thing till you throw a KLR into the mix.
    those cheap ass bitches can do anything with ductape.
    (PostalDave on ADVrider)

  5. #5
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    23rd July 2010 - 00:45
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    Quote Originally Posted by p.dath View Post
    I don't think the Holiday Inn will change your nappy or bath you though ...
    True, but if you tip the hooker enough she might.....

  6. #6
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    12th November 2010 - 10:00
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