Some Biker jokes...

**placidfemme** · 8th July 2005, 16:56

QUESTION: What do you call a 16 year old kid on a fast sport bike?

ANSWER: An organ donor.

~~~*~~~

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!"

Arthur said, "Ya, that was me..."

God commented, "Well, what's the big deal of inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me but aren't you the inventor of woman???"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention":

There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
It chatters constantly at high speeds.
Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!"

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but ...according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours!"

~~~*~~~

**Flyingpony** · 8th July 2005, 17:16

he he ha ha

**MSTRS:Me** · 8th July 2005, 17:26

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down its throat and he presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

Weight watchers. Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the fucking things in the first place.

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.

Hijackers. Avoid a long stressful siege and the risk of arrest, imprisonment or death by simply making sure you book a flight to your intended destination in the first place.

An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator.

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by simply pissing in the sink.

Vegetarians coming to dinner? Simply serve them a nice bit of steak or veal. Since they're always going on about how tofu, Quorn, meat substitute etc 'tastes exactly like the real thing', they won't know any difference.

Invited by vegetarians for dinner? Point out that since you'd no doubt be made aware of their special dietary requirements, tell them about yours, and ask for a nice steak.

Spice up your sex life by trying a bit of 'rodeo sex'. Take your missus from behind and, holding on tightly to her jugs, call her by the wrong name. See how long you can 'stay mounted' for.

High blood pressure sufferers. Simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your chin in a bowl of iron fillings.

A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

**onearmedbandit** · 8th July 2005, 17:47

Very good MSTRS.

**Coyote** · 8th July 2005, 18:02

Originally Posted by placidfemme

QUESTION: What do you call a 16 year old kid on a fast sport bike?

ANSWER: An organ donor.

So True

**Waylander** · 8th July 2005, 18:07

Originally Posted by MSTRS

A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.

I might have to try that one sometime.

**SixPackBack** · 8th July 2005, 18:29

Originally Posted by placidfemme

QUESTION: What do you call a 16 year old kid on a fast sport bike?

ANSWER: An organ donor.

~~~*~~~

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!"

Arthur said, "Ya, that was me..."

God commented, "Well, what's the big deal of inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me but aren't you the inventor of woman???"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention":

There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
It chatters constantly at high speeds.
Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust.
And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!"

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but ...according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours!"

~~~*~~~

Ride a women over a harley any day.........no contest!

**quietguy** · 8th July 2005, 20:41

Yeah- go the harley eh-goes harder for longer and you can always pick up a lady friend to decorate the back end

**placidfemme** · 9th July 2005, 08:35

Originally Posted by MSTRS

Spice up your sex life by trying a bit of 'rodeo sex'. Take your missus from behind and, holding on tightly to her jugs, call her by the wrong name. See how long you can 'stay mounted' for.

LMAO - If anyone tries this let us know how long you lasted hehe

**MSTRS:Me** · 9th July 2005, 10:30

The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that

**rfc85** · 9th July 2005, 14:02

what sex postion produces the ugliest children

ask your mother

**John** · 9th July 2005, 14:02

Originally Posted by rfc85

what sex postion produces the ugliest children

ask your mother

Your parents disliked you? Its ok we love you.

**justsomeguy** · 9th July 2005, 14:36

Originally Posted by MSTRS

The government today announced that it is changing its national symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance.

A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that

WOW!! Did you come up with that by yourself

......

Awesome stuff mate