My chain letter about chain letters...

**Ramius** · 23rd July 2005, 21:14

To all my friends, thanks to you sending me chain letters in 2005 *

I stopped drinking Coca Cola after I found out that it's good for removing
toilet stains. *
I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with
AIDS. *
I smell like a dog since I stopped using deodorants because they cause
cancer. *
I don't leave my car in the parking lot or any other place and sometimes I
even have to walk about 7 blocks for fear that someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and try to rob me. *
I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they ask me to dial a
stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda,
Singapore and Tokyo. *
I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogens they contain
may turn me gay. *
I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing other
than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab
so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs. *
I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick
from the rat faeces and urine. *
I think I'm turning gay because when I go to parties, I don't look at any
girl no matter how hot she is, for fear that she will take my kidneys and
leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice. *
I also donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account. A sick girl that
was about to die in the hospital about 1,000 times. Funny thing about that
girl, she's been 7 since 1993... *
I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I wrote, expecting the $15,000
that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in
their special e-mail program. *
My Ericcson phone never arrived and neither did the passes for a paid
vacation to Disneyland. *
But I am positive that all this is the cause of a stinking chain that I
broke or forgot to follow and received a curse from hell.
IMPORTANT NOTE: If you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in
the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhoea will crap on you today at
7pm.

**Storm** · 23rd July 2005, 21:45

Its a slow day where you are isnt it? I do hate chain letters though

**Wolf** · 25th July 2005, 13:24

It's not just the annoyance value any more - it's those "friends" who send it to you and everyone else in their address book - ensuring that some 50 people now have your email address sitting on their spyware- and virus-infected hard drives and some of them are going to forward it on to all their mates without editing it so that all their mates now get an email with your address (and 405 others) embedded in the seemingly endless lists of prior recipients. And people, as part of my job, ask me "How did the fuckers get my address?"

Makes me want to send a note to any "mate" who sends me a chain letter saying "thank you for spreading my private email address out to the internet at large. In order to reciprocate in a small way I have written your telephone number in twenty public toilets known to be frequented by carriers of sexually transmissible diseases."

Seriously, chain letters usually run to five pages of "To" fields that have not been deleted and they are a goldmine for any half-way-adequately programmed virus or spyware program looking for email addresses.

**Ramius** · 25th July 2005, 14:27

Its a pain in the proverbial ass, and I really hate chain mail. Funny shit is ok, but when it is Emily dying of leprosy or your gonna get cancer on Tuesday at 4pm, i want to scream.

**Beemer** · 25th July 2005, 15:59

Hear, hear, I get so sick of getting emails from 'friends' who tell me if I don't forward this piece of crap on to 20 people within minutes of opening it, I will develop cancer, lose all my money (ha, fooled them, I DON'T HAVE ANY!!!), someone I love will be run down by a bus, etc. One I got from someone I class as a very close friend was the worst - all these stories about so-and-so who only forwarded it to 19 people instead of 20 and her fiance was killed in a plane crash, so-and-so-else who deleted it and his family was wiped out by a pscyho with a gun - you get the picture. Of course it promised untold riches if you did follow the instructions. I emailed her and said I thought it was a particularly sick chain letter and she got shitty with ME! Said she thought we could both do with some good luck! Sorry, but I couldn't see how a ghastly bad luck scenario email that predicted death and destruction should I choose not to follow the instructions could possibly bring me, or anyone I forwarded it to, good luck! She still hasn't got back to normal with me!

**Ixion** · 25th July 2005, 16:06

Strangely, although I receive several thousand emails a day, iIve never had one of these chain letters. Not sure whether my spam filters are very good, or I just don't have any friends to send them to me. Probably the latter.