What is your cat thinking?

[PrincessBandit]

Our newest addition to the family (3 y.o. cat from the SPCA) has instantly fitted in, showering us with affection and trust right from day one of bringing her home. As I've been grazing the kb site she has been lying on my lap purring very loudly. She has just looked up at me and stared right into my eyes without breaking eye contact for a couple of minutes and I actually went from finding it very sweet to slightly unnerving, wondering just what was going on behind those large eyes of hers. I would like to think she was doing this in a "I'm so glad you're my cat mother and I love you" way rather than "I'm just thinking about whether to rip your face off" way.
Maybe I just need another coffee to kick start my brain into more constructive use of my time...

p.s. cat has bogged off somewhere else; probably decided that one of the beds down the other end of the house is a warmer proposition than my lap right now.

[Grumph]

Be aware that if she sees the computer as a competitor for your attention it's likely to be sprayed on....

[Karl08]

I have always assumed that cats just think "me me me me me me me me me me me me me "

[george formby]

I was in exactly the same boat with the cat this morning, weaving through my legs as I made coffee & then straight onto my lap while I drank it, purring & staring at me with love & adoration. Thing is, I can speak cat, & dog. What the wee fur ball was actually trying to get across was "I'm sick of those biscuits, get me some baby rabbits for breakfast"

[Murray]

I'm sure our cats look at us and just think "SUCKERS"

[Akzle]

crazy cat lady wonders what cat is thinking.

cat's don't give a shit about you. they only come back because you keep feeding them. if it "bogged off" it's probably gone to rip the head or wings off some bird for fun. or chew on a lizard. or shit on your neighbor's vege garden.

[oneofsix]

The cat was busy pysching you out and at the same time working out how to best manipulate you. The cat left once it was sure it had you under control. Wonder what it will think when you take it for a ride on the bike

[caseye]

The cat was busy pysching you out and at the same time working out how to best manipulate you. The cat left once it was sure it had you under control. Wonder what it will think when you take it for a ride on the bike

LOL I LOVE IT!
And I would pay to see that cat on PB's bike, so PB don't forget to come this way when you take it for a ride, I'll probably recognize you by the blood filled helmet.

[sugilite:Me]

Clearly after watching you on KB your cat is thinking "Your brother does not look like a cat and cannot even spell it properly"

[HenryDorsetCase]

Here's what this cat is thinking:

[Gremlin]

Dogs have masters, cats have staff.

Here's a couple of jokes I've merged together...


The Dog's Diary

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture...Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

[slofox]

My current cat came to me about 13 years ago. I had just separated from the Mrs and moved into a flat. The house in front of the flat housed a cat nut who had about six of them. My cat was one of the six. She used to cruise around all the tenants and eventually came into my domain. She decided that living with me would be truly cool since then she could be the "only" cat instead of one of six. So she "adopted" me. She has been with me ever since.

We have moved three times in those years and she just stays on. She is as attached to me as I am to her. Those who think cats don't care about their people are wrong in my opinion. This cat is proof enough for me. As far as she is concerned, I am the centre of her universe. The best thing in her life is curling up on her human and purring her head off. Crazy cat - as are they all.

[Maha]

Sit on sofa. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your elbow as though you were going to give a bottle to a baby. Talk softly to it.


With right hand, position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. (be patient) As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Drop pill into mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.


Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Sit on floor in kitchen, wrap arm around cat as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.


Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Scoot across floor to pick up pill, and go find the cat. Bring it back into the kitchen. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. Drop pill into mouth.


Pry claws from back legs out of your arm. Go get the cat, pick up half-dissolved pill from floor and drop it into garbage can.


Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of closet. Call spouse from backyard. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.


Retrieve cat from curtain rod, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.


Get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.


Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.


Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.


Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.


Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take another pill from foil wrap.


Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour one cup of water down throat to wash pill down.


Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call at furniture shop on way home to order new table.


Get last pill from bottle. Go into bathroom and get a fluffy towel. Stay in the bathroom with the cat, and close the door.

Sit on bathroom floor, wrap towel around kitty, leaving only his head exposed. Cradle kitty in the crook of your arm, and pick up pill off of counter.


Retrieve cat from top of shower door (you didn't know that cats can jump 5 feet straight up in the air, did you?), and wrap towel around it a little tighter, making sure its paws can't come out this time. With fingers at either side of its jaw, pry it open and pop pill into mouth. Quickly close mouth (his, not yours).


Sit on floor with cat in your lap, stroking it under the chin and talking gently to it for at least a half hour, while the pill dissolves.


Unwrap towel, open bathroom door. Wash off scratches in warm soapy water, comb your hair, and go find something to occupy your time for 7-1/2 hours.


Arrange for SPCA to get cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

[PrincessBandit]

[color=#139922]crazy cat lady wonders what cat is thinking.

How the hell did you get two pictures of me you stalker?!

The cat was busy pysching you out and at the same time working out how to best manipulate you. The cat left once it was sure it had you under control. Wonder what it will think when you take it for a ride on the bike

She checked out our bikes the first few days she was with us, and at least has had the sense not to "mark" them as hers...

Here's what this cat is thinking:

hahaha, Willow actually is the colour of the cat in that picture, although not quite as fat and waaaay prettier

[Motu]

I am honoured that such a solitary animal that has been honed and compromised by nature into the most efficient killer/ assassin produced should choose to share their life with humans. It goes beyond just the obvious food and shelter thing - they really don't need us, they can survive well in almost any environment. They really do seem to enjoy sharing a life with humans...so trusting of such untrustworthy beings.

They are watching us....look around, there is a cat close by, just monitoring the goings on....