Man jokes....poor guys!

[Waylander]

[QUOTE=Lou Girardin]

You sure? Checked lately?

Tell ya what, next time I'm up there you can try to kiss me. If I don't put fist to face then I'm gay. Deal?

[Wolf]

Q. What do you call a man with half a brain?

A. Gifted

What do you call a man who's lost half his thinking capacity?




Widower.

[Slipstream]

What do you call a man who's lost half his thinking capacity?




Widower.

Only half???

[yungatart]

What do you call a man who's lost half his thinking capacity?




Widower.

Shouldn't that be ALL of his thinking capacity then?

[WRT]

Man driving down road.

Woman driving up same road.

They pass each other.

Woman yells out window, "P I G !"

Man yells out window, " B I T C H !"

Man rounds next curve. Crashes into a huge pig in
middle of road.

Thought For The Day: If only men would listen.

That did the rounds some years ago, but with the guy yelling out (first) "COW!" to which the woman replied "PIG!". She apparently was still feeling smug with her quick response when she rounded the bend and hit the cow . . .

Actually think cow is the better obsticle, being bigger 'n all, regardless of my own personal bias.

[parsley]

That did the rounds some years ago, but with the guy yelling out (first) "COW!" to which the woman replied "PIG!". She apparently was still feeling smug with her quick response when she rounded the bend and hit the cow . . .

What about if he shouted "Bitch!" and she shouted "Bastard!" then drove round the corner and hit a dog?

[Sniper]

[QUOTE=Waylander]

I'm not gay.

Neither am I.

Bloody stereotypical women!!!

[Wolf]

Neither am I.

Bloody stereotypical women!!!

Nah, mate, it's only stereotypical and sexist when we do it.

Women can wear T-shirts that say "Boyfriends make great pets" and it is NOT SEXISM; a man can make the merest hint of a sexist joke about women and get the crap kicked out of him by thirty righteously indignant women for adding to the centuries of oppression inflicted on them by the autocratic patriarchal regime...

[MSTRS:Me]

Nah, mate, it's only stereotypical and sexist when we do it.

Women can wear T-shirts that say "Boyfriends make great pets" and it is NOT SEXISM; a man can make the merest hint of a sexist joke about women and get the crap kicked out of him by thirty righteously indignant women for adding to the centuries of oppression inflicted on them by the autocratic patriarchal regime...

Fifth columnist. Bloody sellout......You on a promise?

[Wolf]

Fifth columnist. Bloody sellout......You on a promise?

Shows what you know: I even don't read the columns - I only buy the paper for the cartoons

[Lou Girardin]

[QUOTE=Waylander]

Tell ya what, next time I'm up there you can try to kiss me. If I don't put fist to face then I'm gay. Deal?

Can't happen, I'm not into mano a mano action. Not even a peck on the cheek. Sorry.

[Wolf]

[QUOTE=Lou Girardin]

Not even a peck on the cheek. Sorry.

You'd hate France or Tahiti, then...

[texmo]

A woman has had serious headaches for several years and has tried everything without success. One day, she was having lunch with a friend who referred her to a hypnotist who, according to her friend "works wonders on anything."

The woman comes home from the hypnotist and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache. I do not have a headache.'

It worked! The headaches are all gone." The husband replies, "Well, that is wonderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years.

Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move. I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning.

Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!

[texmo]

rich man and a poor man were discussing what they
gave their wives for their anniversary.

The rich man says, "I bought my wife a diamond necklace and a Mercedes Benz."

Poor man asks, "Why did you buy her two gifts?" The rich man replies,
"Well, in case she doesn't like the diamond necklace, she can drive her
Mercedes Benz to take it back."

The poor man acknowledges the rich mans answer then proceeds to tell him
what he got his wife. "I got my wife a pair of flip flops and a dildo."

With a confused and intrigued look, the rich man asks, "Why did you
buy her those gifts?!" The poor man replies, "Well, in case she doesn't like
the flip flops, she can go fuck herself."

[texmo]

Top 10 ways handguns are better than women:

10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s

9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a backup.

6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of ammo.

5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.

3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one way that a handgun is better than a woman is...

...You can buy a silencer for a handgun