Merry fucking Xmas

[Ocean1]

Please accept without obligation, implied or implicit, the wishor’s best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, politically correct, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter holiday; practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all; and a financially successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011, but with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects, and having regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer platform or dietary preference of the wishee.


By accepting this greeting you are bound by these terms that:

This greeting is subject to further clarification or withdrawal.
This greeting is freely transferable provided that no alteration shall be made to the original greeting and that the proprietary rights of the wishor are acknowledged.
This greeting implies no promise by the wishor to actually implement any of the wishes.
This greeting may not be enforceable in certain jurisdictions and/or the restrictions herein may not be binding upon certain wishees in certain jurisdictions and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wishor.
This greeting is warranted to perform as reasonably as may be expected within the usual application of good tidings, for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first.
The wishor warrants this greeting only for the limited replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wishor.
Any references in this greeting to “the Lord”, “Father Christmas”, “Our Saviour”, or any other festive figures, whether actual or fictitious, dead or alive, shall not imply any endorsement by or from them in respect of this greeting, and all proprietary rights in any referenced third party names and images are hereby acknowledged.

[Big Dave]

Summer holiday.

[Ocean1]

Bah, Humbug.

[slofox]

I bet that bastard santa doesn't bring me a Ducati 848 this year either... fuckim.

[merv]

Thanks Ocean but your post is a bit long for a simple bloke like me to read and have I missed the point when it refers to 2011?

[Zedder]

My lawyer will get back to you.

[neels]

[ducatilover]

I bet that bastard santa doesn't bring me a Ducati 848 this year either... fuckim.

He owes me a black one, what flavour did you ask for?

[slofox]

He owes me a black one, what flavour did you ask for?

I said any colour - except yellow.

[ducatilover]

I said any colour - except yellow.

You can borrow mine if he scams you

[caspernz]

I said any colour - except yellow.

My wish list read any brand, except a Honda

[schrodingers cat]

PLEASE PRINT OUT AND DISPLAY ON YOUR STAFF NOTICEBOARDS

Please see below - very serious risk assessment for the festive period, please take note and apply the relevant parts to your own particular work area.....................


Anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are advised that a Risk Assessment will be required, addressing the safety of an open sleigh for members of the public. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers.

Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all users of this facility are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks and any lone work being undertaken by more traditional shepherds in remote locations.

The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that, prior to shining his/her glory all around, S/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to mitigate the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year's well-publicised case, everyone is advised that equal opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R. Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift bearing is a common practice in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even Royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded, while caution is advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent instance of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, the relevant authorities have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

[slofox]

You can borrow mine if he scams you

OK!...

[Ocean1]

Thanks Ocean but your post is a bit long for a simple bloke like me to read and have I missed the point when it refers to 2011?

...with due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures or sects...

Zoroastrian or sommat?