Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 15 of 18

Thread: Confessional

  1. #1
    Join Date
    31st March 2003 - 13:09
    Bike
    CBR1000RR
    Location
    Koomeeeooo
    Posts
    5,559
    Blog Entries
    9

    Confessional

    An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rome went to the local church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said, "Father .. during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."

    The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no need to confess that."

    "It's worse than that, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."

    The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger. However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way. But, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

    "Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."

    "And what is that?" asked the priest.

    "Should I tell her the war is over?"
    $2,000 cash if you find a buyer for my house, kumeuhouseforsale@straightshooters.co.nz for details

  2. #2
    Join Date
    13th January 2005 - 11:00
    Bike
    fire breathin ginja ninja
    Location
    Taka, Aucka
    Posts
    6,419

  3. #3
    Join Date
    9th August 2005 - 11:21
    Bike
    Suzuki TL1000Sx 98
    Location
    Taranaki
    Posts
    1,048
    haha.. classic.. how old would they be now eh!

  4. #4
    Join Date
    7th November 2004 - 11:00
    Bike
    Aquired by locals
    Location
    Groote Eylandt
    Posts
    6,606
    Hehehe, very good
    To every man upon this earth
    Death cometh sooner or late
    And how can a man die better
    Than facing fearful odds
    For the ashes of his fathers
    And the temples of his Gods

  5. #5
    Join Date
    25th May 2004 - 23:04
    Bike
    1963 Ford Thunderbird
    Location
    Horowhenua
    Posts
    1,869
    Reminds me of a similar joke about the woman who tries to stow away on a boat heading to America and gets caught by one of the sailors who offers to hide her on board in return for a bit of nookie. He brings her food, she puts out, the boat sails on. Until one day the captain finds her and she confesses what has been going on. Her face drops when the captain informs her she won't get to America on that boat, it was the Picton ferry!
    Yes, I am pedantic about spelling and grammar so get used to it!

  6. #6
    Join Date
    8th November 2004 - 11:00
    Bike
    GSXR 750 the wanton hussy
    Location
    Not in Napier now
    Posts
    12,765
    A priest was being honoured for 25 years service to his parish with a community dinner. The local MP was meant to give a speech but was very late, so the priest got up to say a few words.
    "I got my first impression of the parish from my first confession held here. It was a young chap who confessed to being a burglar who assaulted a policeman to make his escape, and he carried on to embezzle thousands of dollars from his employer, had sex with the employer's wife & sold drugs to his son. It wasn't long before I met enough townsfolk to change my impression & since then I've been very happy here."
    Just then the MP rushed in and, full of apologies for being late, took the stage.
    "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived. In fact, I had the honour of being his first confession."
    Ooooops...
    Do you realise how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

  7. #7
    Join Date
    9th August 2005 - 11:21
    Bike
    Suzuki TL1000Sx 98
    Location
    Taranaki
    Posts
    1,048
    bhahaaa.. what a quack.. niceone MSTRS... got a chuckle ++

  8. #8
    Join Date
    24th January 2005 - 15:45
    Bike
    2022 Suzuki GSX250R
    Location
    Manawatu
    Posts
    2,209
    A man goes into the confessional and says "father, I'm 83 years old and I'm having sex with a gorgeous 18-year-old girl."

    The Priest says "Mr Solomon, you're Jewish. Why are you telling me?"

    The old Jew answers "Telling you? I'm telling everybody!"
    Motorbike Camping for the win!

  9. #9
    Join Date
    24th January 2005 - 15:45
    Bike
    2022 Suzuki GSX250R
    Location
    Manawatu
    Posts
    2,209
    The parish priest opens confessional for the day and his first caller is an attractive young woman who says "I'd like to confess to sins of the flesh, father."
    "With whom, my child?"
    "Tommy Tobruk, father."
    The priest has no idea who Tommy Tobruk is, but he tells her to put $10 in the collection box and say five "Hail Marys".

    His next caller is also an attractive young woman of the parish confessing "sins of the flesh" with Tommy Tobruk. Again he gets her to put $10 in the collection box and say five "Hail Marys".

    And so it goes, a stream of attractive young women of the parish confessing sexual congress with Tommy Tobruk. Each time he gives them the same pennance and they leave.

    By mid morning he's quite concerned; by lunchtime he's thinking he's going to have to find this Tommy Tobruk and have words with him about this rampant spiritual corruption of the young women of the parish.

    By the time he is ready to close confessional for the day there have been thirty-five young women all confessing sexual relations with Tommy Tobruk.

    The last woman has just left and the priest goes to leave when he hears the confessional open. He sinks to his bench thinking "oh no, not another one" and a young man's voice says "Father, my name is Tommy Tobruk. Now, either we split the collection box takings or I take my cock to another parish.
    Motorbike Camping for the win!

  10. #10
    Join Date
    31st March 2003 - 13:09
    Bike
    CBR1000RR
    Location
    Koomeeeooo
    Posts
    5,559
    Blog Entries
    9
    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf
    The last woman has just left and the priest goes to leave when he hears the confessional open. He sinks to his bench thinking "oh no, not another one" and a young man's voice says "Father, my name is Tommy Tobruk. Now, either we split the collection box takings or I take my cock to another parish.
    Was Tommy a chicken farmer???
    $2,000 cash if you find a buyer for my house, kumeuhouseforsale@straightshooters.co.nz for details

  11. #11
    Join Date
    24th January 2005 - 15:45
    Bike
    2022 Suzuki GSX250R
    Location
    Manawatu
    Posts
    2,209
    Quote Originally Posted by ManDownUnder
    Was Tommy a chicken farmer???
    I understand he does have consideratble experiences with chicks.

    And laying...
    Motorbike Camping for the win!

  12. #12
    Join Date
    15th May 2003 - 08:59
    Bike
    2004 GSXR600 / 1989 K75 BMW
    Location
    Auckland
    Posts
    849
    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf
    I understand he does have consideratble experiences with chicks.

    And laying...
    And as I understand it... he's often up the crack of dawn... Among others!!
    Not even with yours!!!

  13. #13
    Join Date
    31st March 2003 - 13:09
    Bike
    CBR1000RR
    Location
    Koomeeeooo
    Posts
    5,559
    Blog Entries
    9
    Quote Originally Posted by duckman
    And as I understand it... he's often up the crack of dawn... Among others!!
    So Tommy was a Chicken farmer, and Dawn is his wife/partner/politically correct significant other - and Tommy's up at her crack?

    ok - I think I see where this is going...
    $2,000 cash if you find a buyer for my house, kumeuhouseforsale@straightshooters.co.nz for details

  14. #14
    Join Date
    24th January 2005 - 15:45
    Bike
    2022 Suzuki GSX250R
    Location
    Manawatu
    Posts
    2,209
    Quote Originally Posted by ManDownUnder
    So Tommy was a Chicken farmer, and Dawn is his wife/partner/politically correct significant other - and Tommy's up at her crack?

    ok - I think I see where this is going...
    Where oh where is the "Big Foam Clue Bat" smiley?
    Motorbike Camping for the win!

  15. #15
    Join Date
    1st August 2005 - 20:26
    Bike
    Crutch Grabber
    Location
    tasty tokoroa
    Posts
    23
    Quote Originally Posted by Wolf
    Where oh where is the "Big Foam Clue Bat" smiley?
    classic keep em coming.
    Feisty by name Feisty by nature...

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •