Take off clothes and place them
sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see
husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your
womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more
sit-ups leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth,
arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa
cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits
and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in
shower. Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner. Get out of
shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap
hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long
dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the
way, cover up any exposed areas.

How to Shower Like a Man

Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave
them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see
partner along the way, shake willy at her making the
'woo-woo'sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. Get in the
shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose
in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and
laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of
time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum,
leaving those coarse hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohican Wee. Rinse off and get out of
shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor
because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire
willy size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat
on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel
around waist. If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy
at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on
bed.