Little Johnny

[Str8 Jacket]

Little Johnny's neighbors had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When the mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word "ears" he would get the spanking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnny looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnny." Johnny said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"

Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."

"That's great," said Little Johnny, "'cuz he'd be shit-outta-luck if he needed glasses."

[Colapop]

Ahh Johnny, you are a scallywag.

[Smokin]

Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.
When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby.
Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.
Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby."
The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie."
Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little
hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?"
"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision."
"That's great", said Little Johnnie, "coz he'd be f*cked if he needed glasses."

[Bren]

Heard it before...but is still as funny 2nd time around....

[Mikkel]

Nice one

[Nasty]

Sadly, Tony was born without ears, and though he proved to be successful in business, his problem annoyed him greatly.

One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up three interviews.

The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was very interesting, but at the end of the interview, Tony asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?" "Why, yes, I couldn't help but
notice that you have no ears," came the reply.

Tony did not appreciate his honesty and threw him out of the office

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. But he asked her the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"

"Well," she said stammering, "you have no ears."

Tony again got upset and chucked her out in a rage.

The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch. He was a young man who had recently earned his MBA. He was smart, he was handsome and he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together.

Tony was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question: "Do you notice anything different about me?"

Much to his surprise, the young man answered, "Yes, you wear contact lenses, don't you?"

Tony was shocked and realised this was an incredibly observant person.

"How in the world did you know that?", he asked.

The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied,

"Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no f**king ears!!"

[gatch]

nice one ma'am

[one fast tl1ooo]

Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby.

Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears.





When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family

was invited over to see the baby.

Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him

and explained that the baby had no ears.



His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the

baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the

smacking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely.

When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, 'What a beautiful baby.'

The mother said, 'Why, thank you, Johnnie.

Johnnie said, 'He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands,

a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see alright?'



'Yes', the mother replied, 'we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will

have 20/20 vision.'



'That's great', said Little Johnnie,'coz he'd be f****d if he needed

glasses'.

[P38]

Little Johnny was comming home from school with his mother one day when he saw a sparrow on the foot path with his legs sticking straight up.

Johnny said to his mother "Whats up with that sparrow Mummy"?

Johnnies mother replied calmly, "The poor little bird has died and his legs are sticking up like that cos they are pointing to heaven to let God know he's ready to leave this earth".

When Johnnies dad gets home that night, Johnny described to him what he had seen that day, but told him it was alright as the sparrows legs were pointing up to heaven and God would soon see him and bring him into heaven.

A few days later after Johnnies dad arrives home Johnny rushes up to him and yells
"Dad Dad, when I got home from school today I saw Mummy on the couch with her legs pointing straight up to heaven. She was yelling out "God I'm Comming" real loud and I recon if it wasn't for the Postman holding her down she would have gone too".........

[crazyhorse]

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The
students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more
to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an
early dismissal.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and
correctly can leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta
here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham
Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin
Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do
for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F.
Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to
answer to any of the questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish
these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

[one fast tl1ooo]

[kevfromcoro]

Jonny is at school..
Mary comes up to him.. and asks...
Jonny ? whats a penis ?
Dont know says jonny.. to-night i will go home and ask my dad.
That night jonny asks his dad what a penis was.
The old man takes him in the dunny and flops out his old fella..
This is a penis he says.
Next day at school mary asks jonny
Did you find out what a penis was.
Jonny drops his trousers ... and says
See this.... this a cock... a penis is just the same..
Cept its 6 inches shorter

[Stirts]

Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me Janice, who created the universe?” When Janice didn’t stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the arse.

“God Almighty!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good” and Janice fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked Janice, “Who is our Lord and Saviour.” But, Janice didn’t even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.

“Jesus Christ!” shouted Janice and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Janice fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?” and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin.

This time Janice jumped up and shouted, “If you stick me with that thing one more time, I’ll break it in half and stick it up your ass!”

… the teacher fainted!

[Zuki lover]

Little Johnny walked into the kitchen, saw his mother making a cake and announced, "I'm gonna go play in my room for a couple of hours. I sure would like a piece of cake after though!

Later, when his mother brought him a piece of cake, Little Johnny exclaimed, "Wow!, it worked!"

Puzzled, his mother asked, "What do you mean?"

Little Johnny replied, "Daddy said that in order to get a piece around here, you have to spend a couple of hours playing
first!"

[Stirts]

The department store Santa has little Johnny on his lap and says to him,
"I bet I know what you want for Christmas, little Johnny. You want some t-o-y-s," he says, touching Johnny's nose with his finger as he spells out the word toys.

"No, I've got plenty of toys," replies Johnny.

"Then I bet you want some g-a-m-e-s," replied Santa, touching Johnny's nose with his finger as he spells out the word games.

"No, I've got all the games I want," came Johnny's reply.

"Well, Johnny, you don't want any toys or games for Christmas, what do you want?" asked Santa.

"I want some p-u-s-s-y," Johnny replied, touching Santa's nose with each letter, "And don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger.