When Grampas go bad

[Blackbird]

Fucken hell there's a lot of grandparents on KB.


Hmmm, with these old cunts, pretty soon I'll be able to wind them up with the same shit I did six months ago.

Hahaha - we have 4 grandkids and we do all the things with them that their parents wouldn't normally give permission for - it's called payback from when our kids were in their teens

[Drew]

Hahaha - we have 4 grandkids and we do all the things with them that their parents wouldn't normally give permission for - it's called payback from when our kids were in their teens

Yeah, the old man was quite proud to get my kids a recorder each. They go tlost pretty quickly.

[avgas]

Father in law came to visit. Brought the 2 year old boy bag of toys. Inside was a toy soldier that when you put batteries in would crawl and shoot. Well the boy was super excited. INSISTED I put batteries in so he could play. So put batteries in it. Turn it on. Stuff like this happened:


With the look on the boys face, you would have thought he had just seen this:

Poor little fella needed the device turned off and a big hug.

[Naki Rat]

So y'all be looking forward to learning some more child minding tips from the Jackass boys

[slofox]

Granddaughter (in car seat in back of car): "Where we going Papa?"

Me: "To the Supermarket."

She: "What you gonna get Papa?"

Me: "Food. I think I'll buy a dead sheep's leg!"

Long silence ensues...

She: (in quiet querulous voice) "Will it have wool on it..?"

Me: "Nah. They peel it in the shop!"

She: (sounding greatly relieved) "Oh That's OK then."

[awa355]

What Grandpas should pass on

Poems
" Mary had a little lamb
Her father killed it dead
Now Mary takes that lamb to school
Between two slabs of bread"

Words of wisdom, " Only dirty people have to wash "

Grace, " One, two, three, four
Thank Christ, there's no more"

There must be more worldly sayings out there.

[slofox]

What Grandpas should pass on

Poems
" Mary had a little lamb
Her father killed it dead
Now Mary takes that lamb to school
Between two slabs of bread"

Words of wisdom, " Only dirty people have to wash "

Grace, " One, two, three, four
Thank Christ, there's no more"

There must be more worldly sayings out there.

I have taught her a few alternative versions of nursery rhymes...eg

Mary had a little lamb
Its face was black as charcoal
Every time she swung it round
Sparks flew out its arsehole...

Actual words can be varied depending on age and level of decadence of the grandchild...oh and the tolerance of the parents of course...

[awa355]

Parents have no role in handing down gems from old farts to innocence.

That's specifically the domain of ' has beens '. or call it revenge on ya kids.

[slofox]

Parents have no role in handing down gems from old farts to innocence.

That's specifically the domain of ' has beens '. or call it revenge on ya kids.

My daughter (the kids' mother) thinks anything they bring home from me is hilarious. S-I-L not so sure though...

[nighthawk]

I have the pleasure of being Granddad to a two and a half year old munchkin who can hold her own with anyone, she is a great mimic so when g/d was working on a car recently I let slip " well it's fu...ed" she put it to immediate use.

Nana inquires of little one has g/d fixed the car,with out missing a beat out comes, " nah it's fu...ed".

This little munchkin has been around technology since she could blink and has mastered iPad and iPhones therefore sleep ins are rare in our house at the weekend as munchkin face times g/d the moment she gets up and finds where mum has left them.

I had an inkling that we were going to have our hands full, when at six months she would pick up the sky remote and hit channel 42 time and time again.....now it's YouTube

God help us when she hits five.......

[Geeen]

I have taught her a few alternative versions of nursery rhymes...eg

Mary had a little lamb
Its face was black as charcoal
Every time she swung it round
Sparks flew out its arsehole...

Actual words can be varied depending on age and level of decadence of the grandchild...oh and the tolerance of the parents of course...

You should try the old..

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a duck,
She put the in a cupboard to see if they would


Be friends

[MIXONE]

Keep it up guys.My gd is only 7 months old but this thread is full of gems for the future.

[Geeen]

Keep it up guys.My gd is only 7 months old but this thread is full of gems for the future.

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water.
I don't know what they did up there,
But they came down with a daughter..

My Wife glares at me every time I try to teach that to my 6yo Son

[avgas]

Great aunt found my son grabbing a chocolate bar from the wifes bag. "Please can you open Chocolate" came from 2 year olds mouth.

Great aunt said, "No, that is mummies Mood Relaxation Bar, daddy gave it to her"

He is now repeating this.
....


Fantastic - now my son thinks I feed my wife date rape. I can't wait for her to explain that coffee is infact "Hyperactivity Stimulant" aka ecstasy.

[Oakie]

My brother-in-law improved on the timeless 'pull my finger'. Bends over a little and says to my then 4 year old daughter, "Can you come and see if there's dirt on my pants bottom?"