1 2 3 UUUHHH!

[ManDownUnder]

Two dwarfs go into a bar, where they pick up two prostitutes and take them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf, however, is unable to get an erection.

His depression is made worse by the fact that, from the next room, he hears his little friend shouting out cries of "Here I come again ...ONE, TWO, THREE...UUH!" all night long. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, "How did it go?" The first mutters, "It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get a hard on."

The second dwarf shook his head. "You think that's embarrassing. I couldn't even get on the fucking bed".

[Beemer]

A group of 3rd, 4th and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men's room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one - holding onto their "pee-pees" to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed.
Trying not to show that she was staring, the teacher said, "You must be in the 5th grade."
"No, ma'am," he replied, "I'm the jockey riding Silver Arrow in the 4th, but thanks for the lift."

[MSTRS:Me]

Three dwarves were discussing which of them had the shortest/smallest etc. Referring to the Guinness Book of Records, Dwarf 1 said 'Yep - I've got the shortest arms. Dwarf 2 said 'And I've got the shortest legs'. Dwarf 3 said 'Damn! (insert friend's name) has the shortest whanger'

[Lias]

The seven dwarfs were in a Catholic church. They were sitting near the rear and as the priest was speaking, they whispered and giggled amongst themselves, causing quite a disturbance. All of a sudden, Dopey stands up and says,

"Priest, are there any midget nuns in the church?"

"No," said the priest.

Soon, Dopey stands up again and asks, "Priest, are there any midget nuns in the city?"

"No, my son, there are no midget nuns in the city or in the church," says the priest.

Again the dwarfs resume their annoying giggling to the dismay of the priest. Once again, Dopey stands up and asks, "Priest, are there any midget nuns in the state?"

"No, my son, there are no midget nuns in the state, in the city, and no midget nuns in the church!" exclaimed the priest, obviously upset. The dwarfs continue their interference.

Dopey stands up and asks, "Priest, are there any midget nuns in the country?"

The priest, totally angered, exclaims "No, my son, there are no midget nuns in the church, in the city, in the state, in the country, there are no midget nuns in the whole world! Now sit down!!"

Soon afterwards, a chant could be heard from the rear of the church, "Dopey fucked a penguin. Dopey fucked a penguin."

[Beemer]

A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm
"I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm.
"What sort of horse?" said the owner.
"A female horth" the dwarf replies.
So the owner shows him a mare.
"Nithe horth." says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyeth?"
So the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses eyes.
"Nithe eyeth.", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?"
Again the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horses teeth.
"Nithe teeth.... can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.
By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again, picks up the dwarf to show him the horses ears.
"Nithe eerth.' he says 'Now...can I see her twot?"
With this the owner picks the dwarf up by the scruff of his neck and shoves his head deep inside the horses vagina. He holds him there for a couple of seconds before pulling him out and putting him down.
The dwarf shakes his head and says:
"Perhaps I should weefwaze that...Can I see her wun awound?"

[rfc85]

fuck those last 2, the church one an the horse one, had me pissing myself thank you for a good end to a bad week.