A moral dilema.

**Beemer** · 28th August 2005, 15:33

I pretty much agree with everyone else here, you have to take a step away because it isn't your fight, so to speak. What the guy gets up to in his own home is his business, but when it starts to affect other people - in this instance, his wife - then he needs to be made aware that there is a problem. The wife is obviously pretty sure there is something going on and I know if I were in her position I would want to know for sure. I'm not saying the guy has been doing anything more than looking at gay porn, but if he has taken his interest further, he could be endangering his wife if he is not taking precautions.

Tell him you are happy to help out with his computer problems, but you don't want to lie to his wife. If he realises his wife knows what is going on, he may have the courage to talk to her about it. To me it is no different to adultery - if he was mucking around behind her back with another woman, she has a right to know. But you shouldn't be placed in the situation of being the one to tell her, it should be her husband.

**madboy** · 28th August 2005, 15:45

If we just stick to the dilemma you face, which is essentially how this affects you. Forget how it affects them, that's something they need to work out.

Be honest to him that you don't want to get in the middle of it, and the more you play with his PC, the more you'll end up in the middle of it. So bye bye freebie neighbour fixes.

LB · 28th August 2005, 16:59

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Good luck Biff.

Like everyone says, this is definitely not an easy situation to be in. I think the "no more fixing" response is probably the best one - sooner or later if he keeps going to the sites his wife will find out. I feel very sorry for her, he should at least be honest about it with her.
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**erik** · 28th August 2005, 17:30

Sounds like a bloody tough situation.
It's not right for the husband to be hiding that stuff behind his wife's back IMHO.

Maybe you could suggest they go to a marriage counsellor or something?

Sounds like the wife pretty much knows already that something is up, she just needs confirmation.

**750Y** · 28th August 2005, 17:58

lmao, dude you are getting played. wait till she starts confiding her defunct sex life(in far too much detail) while he's hiding in the closet!
good luck bro, just shitting ya, what would i know...
I would tell her You don't wanna know about this shit & tell him too. tell them to sort their own shit out, what are You? a freakin relationship therapist?

**Korumba** · 28th August 2005, 18:41

Originally Posted by Biff

I made my apologies and left. A minute or so later she came to our house while I was fiddling in the garage. )

Just dont Fiddle with yourself in the Garage!

Sorry Man...Just stay out of it !!!!!!

She Knows what hes doing, and the computer will be only a small part of the crap they are going through..

**Zed** · 28th August 2005, 19:23

Originally Posted by Biff

So - how do I play it. Pretend I know nothing? Tell him I wont help him any more? Tell her? (I don’t like the last option - as it's none of my business IMO.)

Unless you want to act as the mediator to help them sort out their marital issue/s, you should definately separate yourself from helping him with his computer from now on IMO.

How embarrassing for you though Biff...

**Grinner** · 28th August 2005, 20:01

Biff
You have already decided. You 'played dumb' when she asked.

Honesty is always best.
If she asks again either a) tell her what he is up to or b) tell her you are uncomfortable discussing it with her and she should talk to her hubby.

The other thing is to realise that she already knows otherwise she wouldn't have asked.

**Jackrat** · 28th August 2005, 20:28

Biff,you tell the woman about it,she'll dump on you.
She already knows anyway,she also probably thinks your a lying sod.
Because you are "Sorry".
Tell the old git to sort out his own shit an if his wife hits you up again don't bullshit her,tell her the whole thing makes you feel VERY uncomfortable an you'll be having nothing more to do with her husbands PC.That will confirm what she already knows an might protect you from the inevitable stab in the back you'll get from telling a woman something she knows but doesn't want to hear.
But then wait till he tells her YOU set up a new email account.
He's going to,you know that right???

**Biff** · 28th August 2005, 21:21

Thanks guys n gals. No easy fix - but I've decided that following advice here, and by thinking about it today, I'll opt for not helping him out with his PC any more, if the problem involves trying to cover his tracks. I don't need this shite. And I don't want to be part of his ongoing dishonesty/denial to his wife.

Cheers all.

**Zed** · 28th August 2005, 21:26

Originally Posted by Biff

...I'll opt for not helping him out with his PC any more, if the problem involves trying to cover his tracks. I don't need this shite. And I don't want to be part of his ongoing dishonesty/denial to his wife.

Good move!