A moral dilema.

**Biff** · 28th August 2005, 13:07

Some months ago a neighbour of mine complained that his PC was acting, "strange", so I offered to take a look at it for him. It didn’t take me long to realise that his PC was infested with spyware & weird dial ups. I dug a bit deeper and found that the majority of his problems were due to the fact that he was visiting a lot of gay porn sites. Now this guy is over 60, and his wife had recently threatened to kick him out as he'd been receiving mail from some gay porn sites and gay dating sites.

He was embarrassed when I discovered this, but I played it down, and went along with his claim that he was simply being bombarded by gay spam, despite the fact that he'd entered his credit card details into at least one of these sites, and was also being contacted by other elderly gay guys looking for "friendship".

I cleared up his PC, removed the spyware, dialups and rather graphic images stored in his temp files, but I explained to him that while I could set up some filters to block incoming mail from specific addresses he'd have to either cancel his subscription to some of these sites, or at least use another mail account to receive these mails, one that his wife didn't know about. It came as no surprise that he chose the latter option, so I set up a Hotmail account for his gay mail.

Now his wife is a lovely lady, and is always keen to help us with dropping off number 1 son to school should I be away, bring our washing in if its raining while we're out etc etc. This morning she really put me on the spot. Mr Neighbour asked me over again (as he does every couple of weeks) as his wife was out, complaining that his PC was acting "weird" again. There was nothing wrong with his PC, he simply didn’t like the way his Thunderbird e-mail prog displayed a preview of messages. His wife came home just as I finished up she walked into the house with a smile on her face, until she saw the both of us at his PC. I made my apologies and left. A minute or so later she came to our house while I was fiddling in the garage. She asked me to promise her that I’d tell her if Mr Neighbour was looking at gay porn sites or was contacted any prospective gay 'friends'. I played dumb, and mildly shocked at the thought that Mr Neighbour was interested in such things. She appeared really sad and confused.

So - how do I play it. Pretend I know nothing? Tell him I wont help him any more? Tell her? (I don’t like the last option - as it's none of my business IMO.)

**Sniper** · 28th August 2005, 13:18

Its really up to them I would think. I would politely tell the elderly gent that his wife has an idea that he is "up to no good" and to either hide the fact more thoroughly or confront her. Its not a comfortable position to be in mate. And unfortunatly I havent been in the situation to help. I suppose it all comes down to who you like more? Old ladies bake nice cakes

**Jantar** · 28th August 2005, 13:22

Yes, this is a question of ethics, and the correct response both ethically (and I believe legally) is to NOT promise to tell her anything. The interception of an electronic message is the same as the interception of a radio message, and in the latter case it is illegal to pass the contents of a comunication to a person for whom it was not intended.

Possibly your best option is to tell the husband that you are aware of the contacts he is making, and ask him to tell his wife himself. I doubt that he will, but that is as much as you can do.

I wouldn't like to be placed in your predicament.

**MSTRS:Me** · 28th August 2005, 13:27

Hmmmmm....seems to me that this is a situation that you'd be best not buying into. I'd tell the guy that what he does is his business but that you won't help to fix his PC problems anymore. Or....tell him that if he does ask again, that you will feel honour-bound to let his wife know what is going on (it is likely that she will feel that you are part of a gaypornring if you don't). Tough one tho whatever you do.

**WINJA** · 28th August 2005, 13:49

I THINK FOR A DECENT PERSON LIKE YOURSELF YOUR FUCKED NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO, HE SHOULDNT BE HIDING THIS FROM HIS WIFE THOUGH ITS THE NEW MILLINIUM AND BEING GAY IS NO BIG DEAL , NO ONE EVEN CARES ANY MORE , HE SHOULD JUST TELL HER HE LOOKS AT GAY PORN , IF ITS ANY MORE THAN THAT LIKE MEETING GUYS ETC THEN HES A CUNT AND DESERVES A TAKE DOWN

**onearmedbandit** · 28th August 2005, 14:09

Don't make it your problem Biff. He needs to talk to his wife regarding his situation, it is, as you said, not your business to get involved. You might have to stop going over and 'cleaning' his computer out though sorry Biff!!

**SixPackBack** · 28th August 2005, 14:12

EXTORTION.....

**mstriumph** · 28th August 2005, 14:32

tsk tsk - this was a serious thread until ..............

Originally Posted by sixpackback

EXTORTION.....

**Big Dave** · 28th August 2005, 14:35

Why don't you do something discreet and post the story of his indiscretions on the internet.
Winja is right again - dammit

**mstriumph** · 28th August 2005, 14:38

yeah - what sniper said .......... and tell him to sort his own computer problems out in future because his wife's a nice lady and you do NOT want to get in the middle of all this

[cakes and all that ......]

Originally Posted by Sniper

Its really up to them I would think. I would politely tell the elderly gent that his wife has an idea that he is "up to no good" and to either hide the fact more thoroughly or confront her. Its not a comfortable position to be in mate. And unfortunatly I havent been in the situation to help. I suppose it all comes down to who you like more? Old ladies bake nice cakes

**curious george** · 28th August 2005, 14:54

Originally Posted by mstriumph

you do NOT want to get in the middle of all this

[cakes and all that ......]

Sorry MSTriumph, had to change colour...

Bit late for that.
He's in it alright. He's helped his friend, and lied to the wife.
Sooner or later, he's gonna get caught. Simple as that. Unless he stops looking.
So, the options are:
1: Hope he stops it.
2: Have a big sitdown talk with the wife, in his own time, when he can prepare what he has to say.

His wife might hate it, but if he is honest with her, and involves her in his 'other life' she might be able to live with it.
It's the lies and deception that will destroy whatever they have left.
Chances are, if she rumbles him, it's all over rover.

**Big Dave** · 28th August 2005, 15:07

Originally Posted by curious george

Chances are, if she rumbles him, it's all over rover.

Oh? there was beastiality involved too?

**Skyryder** · 28th August 2005, 15:08

I think you have two choices Biff. Refuse to to fix his computer and tell him the reasons why. Seems you have a good neighbourly relationship so he may understand your dilema. Second choice say nothing and when he needs your help agree on the understanding that this will require the deletion of all the porn sites. If the shit hits the fan you can say in all honesty that you deleted the sites and his computer is clean when you left it. Tell him that this is the shit that is causing the problems and next time he can go and pay someone. That way you have left his computer in a state that is acceptable to yourself.

If the wife finds out claim confidentiality. She'll be wanting as much support as pos.

Stay sharp with this Biff and all will work out.

Hope this helps

Skyryder

**mstriumph** · 28th August 2005, 15:23

no prob about the colour ----- i really am going to have to practice being a little more drab [and more easily read

].......

yerse, believe you are right he IS already involved - i was being optimistic i guess

also - i'm guessing the wife already has strong suspicions - poor woman must be going thru hell .....

and i guess the thing that upsets me most is that, with everyone keeping her in the dark, the lady is not being allowed any choice to go or to stay ...

... but is it Biff's place to tell her? i can't believe it is?

but, then again on the other hand, i'm female and in the same position i'd want someone [anyone] to tell me? .......... sorry biff, guess this isn't much help you are damned if you do and damned if you don't ...

the neighbour needs a good kicking - not for his gender curiosity but because he obviously doesn't care who gets hurt in this enough to manage it better

Originally Posted by curious george

Sorry MSTriumph, had to change colour...

Bit late for that.
He's in it alright. He's helped his friend, and lied to the wife.
Sooner or later, he's gonna get caught. Simple as that. Unless he stops looking.
So, the options are:
1: Hope he stops it.
2: Have a big sitdown talk with the wife, in his own time, when he can prepare what he has to say.

His wife might hate it, but if he is honest with her, and involves her in his 'other life' she might be able to live with it.
It's the lies and deception that will destroy whatever they have left.
Chances are, if she rumbles him, it's all over rover.