12 Valid Reasons Not To Come In To Work

[Wolf]

I did a search of KB and couldn't find these. Inspired by Hitchers "Out of Office" thread:

12 Valid Reasons Not To Come In To Work

1. I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?

2. When I got up this morning, I took two Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.

3. My mother-in-law has come back as one of the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.

4. I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.

5. If it is all the same to you I won't be coming in to work.
The voices told me to clean all the guns today.

6. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet....

7. I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at Tom Thumb.

8. Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to, yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.

9. Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

10. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work knowing my employee records may now contain false information.

11. The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.

12. The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.

[Wolf]

BTW, my favourite is #5 but these days you don't dare use it - not unless you want to become intimately acquainted with your local Armed Offenders Squad...

[Waylander]

BTW, my favourite is #5 but these days you don't dare use it - not unless you want to become intimately acquainted with your local Armed Offenders Squad...

I don't know I was kind of partial to #1.
#7 could be fun but you don't have one in this country...

[SPman]

1 Can't be fucked!
2. Can't be fucked!
3. Can't be fucked!
4. Can't be fucked!
5. Can't be fucked!
6. Can't be fucked!
7. Can't be fucked!
8. Can't be fucked!
9. Can't be fucked!
10 Can't be fucked!
11 Can't be fucked!
12 Can't be fucked!