English as she is spoke

[Beemer]

Room Service

To get the full effect, this message should be read out loud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."
RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"
RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
G: "What?"

RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"
G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder?"
G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine. Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"
G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?"
G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"
G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"
G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder on sigh and copy....rye??"
G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."
G: "You're very welcome."

[Biff]

LMFAO - So true, so true.

[scumdog]

Ahnso dichew get heem hees breckfis ontyme???

[kiwisfly]

Aww that a classic, excellent!
Everyone in the office is looking at me funny while I wipe the tears from my eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[TwoSeven]

ha ha - enjoyed that.

I have a similar story.

Went down to breakfast in a hotel overseas I was staying at and some friends from differing countries were all gathered round a table having a converstation. I could hear shep, sheeep, shep, sheeep being said, followed by a bit of laughter.

Turned out that they couldnt understand the kiwi accent so usually being polite, they just guessed what might have been said. However, shep is a name of a dog, so they thought the kiwi's had been talking about a dog in an earlier conversation which had puzzled them, because they didnt understand how Kiwis could make a living farming dogs.

Later on that day, the joke was brought up with some local friends from the country I was in, they too couldnt understand anything the kiwi's said and usually tried to guess - they also thought that shep was a dog. However, their problem was more in trying to figure out where the country 'kiwi' was located - having been told it was something to do with NggghhZulund. No-one had heard of a place called Zulund - some thought it was in south africa.

So, after a bit of discussion it was decided that I had to translate between the english that everyone had been tought (international english) and and kiwi english on the principle that both sides could understand me better than they could understand each other (and that I was english, but lived in NZ).

So, later that night back at the hotel, I had the rather funny situation of having the internationals all at one side of a table and the kiwis on the other side with me in the middle translating what was being said. It is rather odd translating english to english when you cant really understand what the difference is in each sides pronounciation.

It was at that point I realised that even tho I thought I spoke proper english (east london dialect), that not all kiwis (who also think they speak proper english) can understand it.

Life in NZ as become a lot easier since that discovery and it only took 20 years although it still requires some level of effort. I have to speak slower and try and get the soundings correct - but in the end, I dont get 'what' as every second word the locals use anymore

I have also learned that there are two types of woolly animals farmed in NZ. Shep and Sheeep

[onearmedbandit]

My wife (Japanese) has difficulty with pronouncing the odd word or two from time to time. Two bars that we go to, Legends and Loaded Hog, prove very difficult for her, leaving me wondering why we're going to 'regent' for some drinks.

Also while I was in Japan I was invited to speak to some adult english learners. Proved a lot harder than I thought as their teacher was educated in America, and spoke with a heavy American accent. This made it very difficult for her or her students to understand me. Quite funny.

[WRT]

Mum had a similar problem being understood earlier on in the year while in america. Because she lives in a rural delivery area, she wanted to get one of the US Postal boxes, as they have the flag on the side for collections and decent construction, for a reasonable price. So she wandered into a store (think it was a walmart) to look for one. After hunting round the hardware dept for a while, she asked an assistant where she could find the letter boxes. He gave her a puzzled look and sent her off in the direction of the pet dept. Being unable to find it there, she went to another assistant to explain her predicament. This new assistant informed her that she was indeed in the correct department, and led her to the shelf containing . . . litter boxes . . .

[Beemer]

My parents used to own a book shop many years ago and this guy came in one day and asked if we had lice. I said "pardon?" and he repeated it, in an even broader Australian accent than the first time. I turned to my mother and said "I'm not sure what this guy wants, can you help him?" and so she said "what are you after?" "Lice," he said. My mother looked horrified and said "what do you mean, lice?" He looked puzzled and then said "LICE, the paperback LICE" - he was after the novel Lace!

And I got sick of being asked to say six, and fish and chips when I was in England!

[Lias]

And I got sick of being asked to say six, and fish and chips when I was in England!

I got enough of that in Melbourne.

[MSTRS:Me]

NZ's reliance on primary produce in the world marketplace really should be replaced with 'Communication Teknoligee'. If we teach the world to speak English as we do, all the misunderstandings will disappear, and our balance of payments will be looking pretty damn healthy.

[BNZ]

I have a friend who used to work at a bar in auckland that usually had a large asian croud. They were frequently asked for "wodka and cock"

[Beemer]

Two tourists were driving through Aotearoa.

As they were approaching Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakit anatahu, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter one tourist asked the Samoan female
employee:
"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you
please pronounce where we are ... very slowly? "
The attendant leaned over the counter and said, "Buuuurrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiiiiiiiiing "

[Wolf]

Two tourists were driving through Aotearoa.

As they were approaching Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakit anatahu, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the name.
They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch.
As they stood at the counter one tourist asked the Samoan female
employee:
"Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you
please pronounce where we are ... very slowly? "
The attendant leaned over the counter and said, "Buuuurrrrrrr, gerrrrrrr, Kiiiiiiiiiiiing "

Laughing my arse off for sure! Would give you bling but I've blung you too much recently.