help/ advice

**Lucyloo** · 1st September 2005, 16:27

Hi Sarge.
Don't want to butt into your business, but if you are thinking of changing schools for your son, have a think about Dilworth. They are a scholarship school for, mainly, one parent families. So, no fees involved. It is also a boarding school. The boys go home for weekends, so not too many chances for outside influences. A work colleague's son goes there and it sounds like a great school. He has turned out to be a very nice young man.
Could be worth investigating.
Luce.

**vifferman** · 1st September 2005, 16:33

Originally Posted by Lucyloo

Don't want to butt into your business, but if you are thinking of changing schools for your son, have a think about Dilworth.

That's not a dumb idea.
Friends of ours sent their boy there after their marriage broke up. He did very well - a lot better than he would've otherwise, as he was struggling at school.

**SARGE** · 1st September 2005, 16:35

Originally Posted by Lucyloo

Hi Sarge.
Don't want to butt into your business, but if you are thinking of changing schools for your son, have a think about Dilworth. They are a scholarship school for, mainly, one parent families. So, no fees involved. It is also a boarding school. The boys go home for weekends, so not too many chances for outside influences. A work colleague's son goes there and it sounds like a great school. He has turned out to be a very nice young man.
Could be worth investigating.
Luce.

thought about that.. have a friend whos sons go there , but at the end of the day,, he is my best friend.. we were seperated after his mom and i split.. she denied me contact with him ( LOOONG story) and i about went mental without him.. boarding school isnt an option

**Lucyloo** · 1st September 2005, 16:40

Originally Posted by vifferman

That's not a dumb idea.

I have heaps of ideas that are not dumb

Sarge I understand you not wanting to be seperated from your son, but if it means that he is going to get a good education and a kick start in life, it may be worth reconsidering.
Only a suggestion, you will know what's best for the both of you.
L.

**enigma51** · 1st September 2005, 16:42

I recommend a bording school it teaches kids to stand on the own two feet.Well at least in my case but then again i did go to military type bording school where you were preped for army. (Military service was compulsary after school)

**Keystone19** · 1st September 2005, 16:46

Originally Posted by SARGE

thought about that.. have a friend whos sons go there , but at the end of the day,, he is my best friend.. we were seperated after his mom and i split.. she denied me contact with him ( LOOONG story) and i about went mental without him.. boarding school isnt an option

Dilworth have a day boy option too now I think. I do know they do weekly boarding i.e. your boy would be home Friday through Monday.

**yungatart** · 1st September 2005, 16:51

You aren't a bad Dad, or you wouldn't be asking the questions on how to help your son. Lots of boys have trouble at school between 12-15 ish, one of my own included. You have to find the "hook", the thing that motivates him the most. Pay $$$ for good marks or progress. Keep him away from the losers. Send him on to High School next year (unless he is special needs, he has to be out of the primary system by his 14 birthday anyway). Look for the high school that suits him, will provide motivation, recognises achievement and has a mentor system in place (either student or teacher mentoring). Be a good role model, take him to the library and make sure you get a book out too and read in front of him! Discuss politics, current events etc with him( over dinner - away from Tv!) Make sure you let him know that he is a cool kid and you love him heaps. Tell him you are really proud of him. Enjoy it!

**oldrider** · 1st September 2005, 16:54

Hey there Sarge, you are seeking a little help fatherwise. That is a pretty big call giving advice on that subject. I have a few theories that seem to have worked for our family. Have you ever worked with horses or dogs? I used to do a lot of pig hunting and you really have to get into the head of a dog to get any value out of it. If it doesn't want to work for you it won't and it ruins your day and you come home empty handed. If you can't fix it you end up shooting the dog and that ruins his day. Solution, dog psychology you have to learn to think like the dog and outsmart him. He has to think it was his idea all the time and you are just celebrating how smart he was.
The art of diplomacy is telling some cunt where to go and have him looking forward to the trip. Take a horse for instance. he is sunning himself out in the paddock eating selected herbs, flicking the flies, doing just what he likes. He's five times bigger than you, ten times stronger and can run like the wind. Why would that horse want to swap that for some wacky hard work that you want him to do? Horse psychology, you got to get into his head. He has to think it was his idea and you were just helping him. Then you can celebrate his achievements with him.
You have got a thirteen year old boy/man there with you if you try to impose your will on him without his approval you will get the same result that you would get from the dog or the horse. The only difference is that where the animals are physically superior this one has got a head full of cerebral cortex and if you try to out muscle him he will screw you big time. That is not the solution you want. So what is the answer? People psychology, you have to get inside his head then "guide him",using all your life experience to help him get to where hes going. Remember, it has to be his own idea, you are just there helping him through as he makes his own mistakes and he will make them. Let him, just be there for him.
Shit a brick you only asked for a bit of help and I'm here writing a book. I don't know if that's any help but it kinda worked for me. Good luck, John.

**kerryg** · 1st September 2005, 16:54

Originally Posted by SARGE

.. boarding school isnt an option

FWIW it's actually really difficult to get kids into Dilworth. There are a lot more candidates than places so the criteria for acceptance are quite high, not to say that your boy would not get in of course...just that it's not a given by any means. But it is a terrific place, as good I'm sure as other private schools that cost megabucks a year.

My partner's boy left there last year after having been there since year 7 and what an education he got!! Absolutely great! He's set for University (he's having a year off this year) and he'll do well. It was particularly good for him possibly because his Mum was around, but not his useless Dad, so he got a lot of good input from the predominantly male staff there. And he was a fair little shite before he went and he's come out pretty good...still a pain in the arse but what 18 year old isn't eh?

**kerryg** · 1st September 2005, 16:58

Originally Posted by oldrider

The art of diplomacy is telling some cunt where to go and have him looking forward to the trip. luck, John.

Now that's funny...and wise

**Oscar** · 1st September 2005, 17:51

Originally Posted by SARGE

i just went in and had a meeting with the deputy principal and his teacher.. turns out that his best mate ( i have met the boy and he SEEMED like a nice enough young man) is in with some of the less desirable members of the school.. he has been to my house overnight and was very polite and all.. but if he is a wannabe banger.. i will end this relationship right fucking now.

Shelby is behind his age group in reading, i really push the "books over TV " angle with him, but as we all know ... books are boring..

i feel like a bad father right now..his real mom is back in the States, and has had fuck all contact with him in 4 years ( not even so much as a birthday card.. yes she has our addy and phone numbers.. just cant be bothered..)
i am trying to be mom and dad for him while working 2 jobs

This is very good thing you've done, which takes guts.
Boys of that age are looking for role models and if he hooks up with the wrong type, it could fuck up the rest of his life.

There is an excellent book called "Raising Boys", by Steven Biddulph (I think). Get a copy.

**SARGE** · 1st September 2005, 18:00

John:

i actually grew up with Horses and Dogs..i need to buy you a beer or 7 one day

everyone on this thread has been a great help to me and i really appriciate it.. i have had a pretty full on life as you can probably imagine and very little to base "good father" on

wheres the fucking owners manual for this thing???

**FROSTY:Me** · 1st September 2005, 18:06

Sarge --Im about 7 years behind ya with my kid -baby bikie -same senario exactly. He just aint interested in book learning -put a spanner in his hand or toss a ball to him and he will learn fast as.
Dont beat yaself up mate but I do think you are doing the right thing by thinking about it.
I'd suggest ya might wanna find what it is that sparks HIS imagination and go with that to help his reading.
Ohh and DO kick up a stink at school -It seems to be the squeaky hinge gets the oil really applies with teachers