help/ advice

[Keystone19]

Shelby is behind his age group in reading, i really push the "books over TV " angle with him, but as we all know ... books are boring..


i feel like a bad father right now..

Nah, you're not a bad dad, it's just the way things are going right at this second.

In terms of books, boys and reading is often a problem. Don't try and encourage him to read stuff he doesn't like or want to. I know he'll have to read some stuff for school but try and get him to enjoy reading by finding books and magazines that he enjoys. For example, comics, Asterix, Tintin, magazines. It may not be what we would traditionally class as reading, but it is reading. A number of researchers in this area suggest that this is a good place to foster a love of reading rather than making it hard work. Talk to your local librarian about some good books aimed at boys. Captain Underpants is quite a good series although might be a bit young for your lad depending on his reading age.

Hope this helps...

[crashe]

i just went in and had a meeting with the deputy principal and his teacher.. turns out that his best mate ( i have met the boy and he SEEMED like a nice enough young man) is in with some of the less desirable members of the school.. he has been to my house overnight and was very polite and all.. but if he is a wannabe banger.. i will end this relationship right fucking now.

Shelby is behind his age group in reading, i really push the "books over TV " angle with him, but as we all know ... books are boring..


i feel like a bad father right now..his real mom is back in the States, and has had fuck all contact with him in 4 years ( not even so much as a birthday card.. yes she has our addy and phone numbers.. just cant be bothered..)
i am trying to be mom and dad for him while working 2 jobs

Sarge You are NOT a bad father.... you are doing the best that you can to help him and keep him on the right track.

Is he interested in the "Harry Potter" books as that has helped many youngsters get back into reading... hey even if he reads comic books...they still have words in them... or books on what interests him...
Take him to the library and join him up and get him to pick out whatever books he likes.... oh except the porn books....

Raising kids alone is one of the hardest things to do.... I did it... 24/7 for 19 years.

[Beemer]

When I was at school, bribery worked for me! My parents didn't have much education themselves, although my father went to night school and ended up with a BA years after he left school, so they wanted me to have the choice of career that they didn't have when they left school. I was one of those kids who did like school and was too goody-good to have bad mates anyway, but they did bribe me with things I wanted -although I'm still waiting for the horse...

I'm just doing an article on educational ICT tools and that may be the answer for your son. Many kids don't 'get' traditional book-based learning and whereas years ago there was no alternative, now there is. I'll PM you with some website addresses and details. You need to find something that grabs him and keeps him interested. I know he's still fairly young, but have you asked him if he has any idea of what kind of work he'd like to do when he leaves school? If he says "rubbish collector" then you're stuffed, but if he says he's keen on being a mechanic or a computer programmer, etc., point out the skills he'll need to have to get these kinds of jobs. If he really wants something, he will be motivated to get those qualifications.

[Lias]

Few thoughts.

If you can possibly afford it send him to a private school. Gifted children very much tend to fall through the cracks in NZ's public school system, particularly if they arnt self motivated. Without floating my boat I was a pretty smart kid, and I experienced both public and private schools in my teens. At the private school (Wanganui Collegiate) I was put in the "A" stream, and challenged like nothing on earth.. I loved the educational side of the school and thrived academically.. I ended up getting kicked out because I couldnt control my temper thou (I had a very short tolerance of rich snobs looking down their noses at me and tneded to break said noses).. After collegiate I ended up going to a public school in Wellington, and the diffrence between Private and Public is enourmous.. At collegiate the staff motivated and challenged the bright kids, at the public school the staff didnt care.. If you didnt want to learn they wernt going to make you and I dropped under the radar and stayed there.

My 2 cents

[kerryg]

[QUOTE=SARGE turns out that his best mate ( i have met the boy and he SEEMED like a nice enough young man) is in with some of the less desirable members of the school.. he has been to my house overnight and was very polite and all.. but if he is a wannabe banger.. i will end this relationship right fucking now.

[/QUOTE]


Dunno about boys except that the horny smelly insolent chinless little spotty herberts ring my house at 30 second intervals most evenings (I've got 2 teenage daughters live with me) ...


However I know one thing for sure about teenagers: the biggest influences on them come from their peers. If they get in with a certain group they just buy into that group's values, so it's a bad thing if their mates are all little shits and a good thing if their mates are good kids. So...if you can have a say in who they hang with it may make a difference

[MSTRS:Me]

turns out that his best mate ( i have met the boy and he SEEMED like a nice enough young man) is in with some of the less desirable members of the school.. i will end this relationship right fucking now.


i am trying to be mom and dad for him while working 2 jobs

It's your parental duty to do the best you can to keep your kids from poor role models - anthing less is doing your kids no favours. Good to see you are onto this one.
Shame about his mother - not your fault. And as a father who has been there too, I can say 'Don't try to be a mother. You are a man & our conditioning does not allow us to be anything else.' Does your son have an adult female that he respects, who could fill some of the 'mother' role for him? A male friend or neighbour seems to work for a lot of fatherless boys.

[vifferman]

However I know one thing for sure about teenagers: the biggest influences on them come from their peers. If they get in with a certain group they just buy into that group's values

True dat.
By rights I should've been in with the geeks and dweeboids at school, but by the fifth form I could see that the guys with cars/bikes who were party animules were more fun, so I became a pisshead. Luckily this was before drugs really took off, or I could've been a druggie instead.

[SARGE]

True dat.
By rights I should've been in with the geeks and dweeboids at school, but by the fifth form I could see that the guys with cars/bikes who were party animules were more fun, so I became a pisshead. Luckily this was before drugs really took off, or I could've been a druggie instead.

when i was in school in the "stoned age".. i was a complete cunt.. never cared about school... always high,drunk or in a fight ( or a combination..)


i coulda been a contender

Shelby says he wants to be a scientist or an inventor.i took him to McDonalds the other night after work and there was a 50-something guy in there clearing tables.. i pointed him out and told him " that could be your future...pull your head out.."

[Motu]

[QUOTE= there was a 50-something guy in there clearing tables.. i pointed him out and told him " that could be your future...pull your head out.."[/QUOTE]

I may be a bit deaf....but I can lip read - so,how are you this morning? clean bowels?

[SARGE]

the biggest influences on them come from their peers. If they get in with a certain group they just buy into that group's values, so it's a bad thing if their mates are all little shits and a good thing if their mates are good kids. So...if you can have a say in who they hang with it may make a difference

i think if i forbid him to hang out with who he wants, he will rebel and do it anyway.. i might just try and cultivate his friendship with the smart Korean kid at the top of his class..

maybe take them both to a movie on the weekend and ask if Doniel can stay over...


thoughts?

[kerryg]

...thoughts?

Thoughts? Vifferman has thoughts (some of them very strange) ...I don't have thoughts...Mate, my kids do as they bloody like......I know what the problem is (dopey friends) but how to get them to pick good ones.....???


I can spot a problem OK, it's the solution that eludes me..
Is the Korean guy cool??? Cos if he's not cool ...you're probably pushing it uphill

[SARGE]

Is the Korean guy cool??? Cos if he's not cool ...you're probably pushing it uphill

the Korean kid seems ok.. they already hang out quite heavily.. Shelby is so open minded and makes friends very easy and im very proud of him for that, but i need to temper his naivety (sorry.. spellchecker just commited suicide..)

[mikey]

sarge, dont worry mate, you dont need to do good at books an shit to do well i nthe world, as long as he can read an write an stuff hell be fine, gotta remember early years best years of your life, let em do what he wants

[SARGE]

sarge, dont worry mate, you dont need to do good at books an shit to do well i nthe world, as long as he can read an write an stuff hell be fine, gotta remember early years best years of your life, let em do what he wants

i agree Mikey.. but i want better for him than i had ( as all parents do..)

[kerryg]

i agree Mikey.. but i want better for him than i had ( as all parents do..)

He's 13 which I guess means year 9 (first year at high school)?? If so a possibility is to consider a change of school, because that's where they seem to acquire friends (and influences) mostly. I could never find the budget to send mine to private schools (I've got 4 girls and what you do for 1 you have to be able to do for 4), and was never rich enough to live in one of the areas that put you in zone for best public schools, but if you can afford a private school (or maybe a house in Grammar zone) it's a good investment in your kid. They seem to churn out kids who are set to succeed. I know quite a few people whose kids are similar ages to mine and who sent them privately and they are mostly doing real well. Then, their marriages are still mostly intact too, so that's another factor. It's possible too that they get more discipline and structure, better quality teaching, smaller classes, more emphasis on success (not that "not yet achieved" crap), good mentoring, etc at a private school which might be needed more than ever when there's a parent missing.

Good luck. Seems like you are one step ahead of some parents: you care!