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Thread: why can't I own a Canadian?

  1. #1
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    why can't I own a Canadian?

    Dr. Laura Schlessinger is a radio personality who dispenses advice to
    people who call in to her radio show. Recently, she said that, as an
    observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to
    Leviticus 18:22 and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The
    following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a east coast resident,
    which was posted on the Internet. It's funny (scary I thought!), as well as informative:

    ----------------------------------------------------
    Dear Dr. Laura:

    Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have
    learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with
    as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual
    lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly
    states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from
    you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow
    them:

    When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
    pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
    claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

    I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
    21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

    I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period
    of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15:19- 24. The problem is, how do I tell?
    I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

    Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female,
    provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
    claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
    Why can't I own Canadians?

    I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2
    clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
    him myself?

    A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination
    - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
    Can you settle this?

    Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
    defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
    vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

    Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around
    their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How
    should they die?

    I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
    unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

    My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops
    in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
    different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse
    and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
    of getting the whole town together to stone them? - Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't
    we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with
    people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

    I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can
    help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
    unchanging.

    Your devoted fan,
    Jim

  2. #2
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    and 10
    My daughter telling me like it is:
    "There is an old man in your face daddy!"

  3. #3
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    funny using ones own weapons back against them lol

  4. #4
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    many of the things quoted are still beliefs/practices of orthodox judaism [no, NOT the selling of daughters into slavery bit ]----- don't think that orthodox jews expect or dictate that these things should apply to anyone other than themselves 'though ............ IMHO if dr schlessinger was advocating that, she was way out of line.
    ... ...

    Grass wedges its way between the closest blocks of marble and it brings them down. This power of feeble life which can creep in anywhere is greater than that of the mighty behind their cannons....... - Honore de Balzac

  5. #5
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    Bloody marvellous
    To every man upon this earth
    Death cometh sooner or late
    And how can a man die better
    Than facing fearful odds
    For the ashes of his fathers
    And the temples of his Gods

  6. #6
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    Now if you all had been studiously following the Scottish Thread...
    "Standing on your mother's corpse you told me that you'd wait forever." [Bryan Adams: Summer of 69]

  7. #7
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    massive, well done that man!!
    There is no dark side of the moon, really, as a matter of fact. Its all dark...

  8. #8
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    Speaks volumes about the relevance of religion!

  9. #9
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    Love it! Brilliant!
    We all have our little obsessions...

  10. #10
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    best read in a wwhile bug, cant give you any rep though says i need to spread it around a little?
    Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.
    Muhammad Ali

  11. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hitcher
    Now if you all had been studiously following the Scottish Thread...
    Being of a religious persuasion I see that one fairly regularly. Still makes the fanatics look even worse though dunnit?
    "Not one day that we are here on this earth has been promised to us, so make the most of every day as if it was your last, and every breath ,as if it were the same"

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