Alcohol, the cause, and answer to all problems

[Oakie]

...stories of pissed derring do's and craziness are generally a retro look at how imbecilic and stupid we were, tinged with about 0.001% real humour...like the time we took a heifer from a paddock and marched her a k or so to a dance in a hall...poor beast got on the slippery dance floor and went crazy, not sure if it was the lights or the music, but there was more shit in the hall than out in the paddock. Cringe worthy now, are most of these tales...

Local farmer in Twizel returning from somewhere had a ram in the back of his truck. Thought he'd stop at the pub for a bevvy on the way home and decided it would be fun to walk the ram in too. Unfortuntely once inside, the ram spied his reflection on a large window that went to ground level. The ram charged the window and mayhem ensued.

[ellipsis]

Take,
1x RX2
Me and three mates. (Two gone now)
Mid seventies
The Square, Christchurch
A couple of bottles of rum, lots of piss, an oz or two...all consumed prior to deciding that reversing, full tit through Chancery Lane would be the right thing to do...
...reversed into a mufti HQ full of Demons at the other end of Chancery Lane...they were not amused...asked everybody to vacate the jam jar...I didn't...I was in the back trying to stuff a bag of pot under the back seat but I couldn't...wouldn't fit...a demon comes back to tell me to hurry up and it's my arch enemy Dave, a recent uniform, but on his way up in the force...we had some big history and I had done a bit of waiting time in Addington prison because of this prick...I also had to buy him a new uniform at an earlier period, 'cos you were not allowed to drop a cop and take his shiny buttons and shit...Dave saw my face, beamed a big smile and went back to his senior and I heard him say...I know the bloke in there, he isn't pissed, I'll get him to drive them out of here...

...Thank you Dave... I drove us out of there...but not far enough...we went as far as the 'happy brick', a pub not too far out of the square...drunk more piss...went back to the square and decided that reversing around the footpath of the square would be the thing to do...got a fair way around before we were being chased by a uniform on foot...we slipped into a car park and when he apprehended us, we told him...'It wasn't us'...he called us 'fibbers' and we were arrested...when we got to central, they decided that only one person could be charged so the vehicle owner took that and we other three were released...with his car...that was just the start of a weekend of seventies debauched piss pot and acid...like most of them...I dont harp on about youth and boy racers and modern kids...I was worse than a whole heap of them put together...all fired up with rocket juice...they are soft though...

[avgas]

Here's something to make you go stone cold sober... http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/1011...nsented-to-sex
Wonder if outcome would have been same had complainant been a woman...

Crabs in ya mustache.