:Subject: Fw: Hitman
Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a guy carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't show up." "Sure," they said, "You're welcome." So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer. Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "So, what do you do for a living?" "I'm an assassin, a hit man," was the reply. "You're joking!" was the response. "No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight. "Here are my tools." "That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here." So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right. This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window." "Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!! Wait a minute, that's my neighbour in there with her..... He's naked, too!!!" He turned to the hit man, "How much do you charge for a hit?" "I'll do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger." "Can you do two for me now?" "Sure, what do you want?" "First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbour, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson." The hit man took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes. "Are you going to do it or not?" said the friend impatiently. "Just be patient," said the hit man calmly, "If I'm very careful I think I can save you a grand ......"


Dotcom names
All of these are legitimate companies, who didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online name might appear! These are not made up. Check them out yourself!... 1. 'Who Represents' is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their website is: www.whorepresents.com 2. 'Experts exchange' is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at: www.expertsexchange.com 3. Looking for a great pen? Look no further than ' Pen Island '. It can be found at: www.penisland.net 4. Need a therapist? Try 'Therapist Finder' at: www.therapistfinder.com 5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company. Check it out at: www.powergenitalia.com 6. 'IP computer' software can be found at: www.ipanywhere.com 7. And the designers at 'Speed of Art' await you at their wacky website: www.speedofart.com

The wit of the Scots
A Greek and a Scotsman were sitting in a Starbucks cafe discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple lattes the Greek guy says, "Well we Greeks built the Parthenon" and arched his eyebrows. The Scotsman replies, "Well ... it was the Scots that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices." The Greek retorts, "We Greeks gave birth to advanced mathematics." The Scotsman, nodding in agreement says, "Scots were the ones who built the first timepieces and calendars." And so on until the Greek comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of finality he says, "The Greeks were the ones who invented sex!" The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that is true, but it was we Scots who introduced it to the women!"