Snappy Answers

[texmo]

Snappy Answers
When someone questions the obvious give them back a snappy answer.

Snappy Answer #1

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3

The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

Snappy Answer #5

A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS." The agent replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out." The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?" Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. "May I have your attention please," she began her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. "We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14." With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore. "F*** you!" Without flinching, she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that, too."

And the VERY BEST snappy answer ....

Snappy Answer #6, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its Best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

[zadok]

Love hearing a good 'comeback'. No good at them myself but.

[MSTRS:Me]

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?

(1) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10

2) No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.

Kristen, age 10



WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

(1) Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.

Camille, age 10

(2) No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.

Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)



HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

(1) You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.

Derrick, age 8



WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

(1) Both don't want any more kids.

Lori, age 8



WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

(1) Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.

Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

(2) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.

Martin, age 10



WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

(1) I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.

Craig, age 9



WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

(1) When they're rich.

Pam, age 7

(2) The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that

Curt, age 7

(3 ) The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.

Howard, age 8



IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

(1) I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out.

Theodore, age 8

(2) It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.

Anita, age 9 (bless you child)



HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

(1) There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?

Kelvin, age 8



And the #1 Favourite is........





HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

(1) Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.

Ricky, age 10

[Sniper]

Hahaha, brilliant MSTRS. Was that from a Bill Cosby show?