Livestock experiences

[buggerit]

As a young fella, a mate and I were trying to get a stroppy shorthorn cow with a new calf to the yards a couple of
miles away across open paddocks. We could not get anywhere near her without her charging so came up
with the plan that my mate rides in on his bike and lets her chase him a bit while I grab the calf and chuck it
over my tank and fuck off to the yards with the cow in hot pursuit, this worked well until the calf slipped
a leg between the head and the sparkplug lead and kicked it off , bugger! , second plan , run like fuck for
the fence and hope shes more interested in reclaiming her calf!

[Oakie]

Was at my bro-in-law's rural property and happened to see some hares a couple of paddocks down. Steers in paddock one - hares in number 2. Grabbed the .22 for a bit of fun and snuck down about 3/4 of the distance of the cow paddock in cover of scrub. Hares still happily doing their thing. I had to break cover for the last 30 or so metres but stayed low so the hares wouldn't see me. Unfortunately, the steers did see me. They ran and bellowed their way over to me just out of curiousity and pretty much like an excited dog waiting for the next throw of the stick. The last I saw of the hares was three tails hightailing for the other side of their paddock while I could almost hear the steers saying "whaddya doin', whaddya doin' ... can we play too ... huh... can we, can we? Big mooing brown-eyed bastards!

[kiwi cowboy]

Once came around a hairpin bend, late at night, in rain and mist, on the Coromandel, in a car... to be totally flummoxed by what I saw. A few black, mainly, and white cows. Hit the brakes and no dramas but it took awhile to figure out it was bloody cows on the road. Eerie experience.

Shit. Watched 2 bikes go down on thick cow shit in a corner. Most unpleasant. The slurry got in everywhere.

I stopped for a Johnny Riddle in a layby up north once and and the resident cock gave me a nasty pecking. I think it thought my pecker was food.

If you want to stock proof a dog put it in a shed full of hay bales with a ram in it's winter fleece. Or chuck it into the stock yard when it's full.

Doing that with a dog will only work sometimes.
With some dogs as the dog gets hurt by the ram or stock in yards they snap back out of fear and protection from hurt and soon realise that attack and aggression is a way of keeping the stock off them thereby turning them hard and aggressive.

Been almost bitten by a stallion when working on a stud farm (same stallion tried chasing me out of paddock once but I had a steel pole he was gonna wear if he didn't chicken out). He had bitten 3 people I new off before I handled him.

Been chased by cattle,horses,rams,pigs(4 legged) but the stallions are the most dangerous as they can be cunning and watch and wait there chance so never get complacent.


1/ An old fella I worked with and another work mate were trying to get a bull into the yards that was hipped ( lame in the back leg due to a hip injury) and was quite slow and my work mate was walking him up the road.
The bull got a bit tired and stopped and the guy walked up behind him to get him moving again but the bull turned and chased him back down the road.
The old fella said he had never laughed so hard cos the workmate had a gammy leg and walked with a limp too so the guy was limping/running along with the bull limping/running along right behind him.

[puddytat]

Been chased by cattle,horses,rams,pigs(4 legged) but the stallions are the most dangerous as they can be cunning and watch and wait there chance so never get complacent.
.

A good friend of mine had an Arab stallion that he'd done many miles on & had had for years.....then one day in the round pen the stallion turned on him & nearly completely ripped his bicep off......
The Stallion is no longer....

[husaberg]

A good friend of mine had an Arab stallion that he'd done many miles on & had had for years.....then one day in the round pen the stallion turned on him & nearly completely ripped his bicep off......
The Stallion is no longer....

That's what you get for biting the hand that feed you.

[awa355]

What is Spanish for "FUUUCK "?

[husaberg]

What is Spanish for "FUUUCK :

Pretty sure its either Selma or Selena.
That bull fighters feeling horny.

[Laava]

We had a moody old cow that had slipped a calf and a calf that was looking for a Mum and try as we might, all the old tricks, the cow would just bunt the calf away. Lucky for the calf we had tied the cow up in the yards so the poor lil fucker had at least got a feed in! Anyhow the old neighbour came over to see if he could help as the pair were still in the yards and suggested setting the dog on the calf. Fuck me that worked! The old cow came bellowing over, udder swinging through 270, trying to stomp the dog and the deal was struck!

[Laava]

What is Spanish for "FUUUCK "?

Anooooose!

[puddytat]

We had a moody old cow that had slipped a calf and a calf that was looking for a Mum and try as we might, all the old tricks, the cow would just bunt the calf away. Lucky for the calf we had tied the cow up in the yards so the poor lil fucker had at least got a feed in! Anyhow the old neighbour came over to see if he could help as the pair were still in the yards and suggested setting the dog on the calf. Fuck me that worked! The old cow came bellowing over, udder swinging through 270, trying to stomp the dog and the deal was struck!

I'll remember that one
Had you fellas tried the old skinning the dead one trick? I'm assuming you had, just wanting to know for sure...

[puddytat]

What is Spanish for "FUUUCK "?

BUCK......
as in SHELFORD. ( you know, that Rugby fella)

[Laava]

I'll remember that one
Had you fellas tried the old skinning the dead one trick? I'm assuming you had, just wanting to know for sure...

Yep, that is a last resort trick now!

[ellipsis]

...a story about a turkey...

... one Saturday morning I had three chord of firewood on the back of my tipper, a D5 Ford...it could rumble along at 70-80 k tops...the firewood belonged to an old couple in our town who had shifted closer to the city...I was dropping it off...

...a bunch of turkeys roamed free on a farm about 10 ks down the road from here...my son. about 10 at the time was coming for the drive...

...the turkey was just being a turkey...I rumbled around a corner and the turkey decided just that moment that it would try out flying for fun...it ran up the road beside the truck, got itself airborne and headed off down SH75 toward the city, as we were...it was flying faster than the D5, but hey, the sun was shining and life was rumbling by at 60 kph...

...things took a serious turn for the worse for the turkey...the silly fucking thing was a hundred yards ahead of us and winning by heaps but it got into some kind of turbulence and couldn't correct the situation...my son was the first to notice... I was rumbling into the blue yonder at 70 k by then, but it was far too late to alter history...

...the turkey either couldn't handle the situation or had proved it's point...I was as close as I'll get to being kamikaze'd by a flying mass of meat and bone it seemed...I immediately thought, as it got bigger in my vision, like a really big turkey... getting bigger by the moment, 'This could hurt, the windscreens gone, wank fucking turkey'...it fucked up it's mission to kill and hit about a foot below the windscreen...

...we stopped a wee way down the road, walked back to check this turkey out...the thing was fucked but still alive...my boy was laughing and I had to pull him up and remind him of the gravity of the situation...'this fuckin' idiotic bird just dented my truck', I explained, 'and the fuckin' idiot thing is still alive, fuck it'...my boy continued to giggle...we dragged it back to the truck and threw it on the back...my son mentioned its alive state and shouldn't we do something about it...my things to dispatch living things, encountered on the highway was limited, so I chose a big ring of firewood to squash it's head with...having done this we resumed our journey...

...eventually we turned left into a, closer to town, rural property... the old bloke was there to guide us to the tipping spot where we dropped three chord of firewood...the load slid off and last off was the turkey...my boy told the old bloke the story and then they were both laughing about this stupid fucking turkey...then the turkey had a wee bit to add to the conversation, just a feeble squawk, but a living turkey squawk...

...the old bloke cut the poor fucking turkeys head off with an axe...

...end of story for turkey, but the tale doesn't end there...

...my daughters 21st, a long while after the turkey hit the freezer...a long, long time... was a big do at home with five big baskets in the hangi and lots of kaimoana and a heap of piss and people...the turkey had ended up in the hangi even though I thought twice about it...I put it in and never told a soul...at the end of a big day of piss and food and general mayhem a bloke was leaving and doing the big pissed thank you speech...it ended with, 'that turkey in the hangi was delicious'...