The Haka

[AllanB]

Step away if you may be a sensitive chap.



Something has been bugging me for a number of years.

The Haka.

Possibly one of Maoris most abused and misused iconic activities. Shit I remember decades back in Venice half pissed, topless, cracking one out with a random bunch of fellow NZers...... it was not pretty. The locals loved it.


As a New Zealander I am mostly embarrassed at any NZ Haka (excluding the All-blacks of course).

Some famous person arrives in NZ and is greeted at the international arrivals terminal to a group of over-weight fellas in skirts.

The Haka was a warrior thing - the only effort most of the 'players' now appear to do is lift their arm to eat.

Just imagine how proud NZ would feel as a nation if a Maori Haka was performed by fit looking men who actually looked like they could club your head to mush them run 10kms to shag your sister or sisters if you have more than one then kill and skin a Moa for tea.

I blame the NZ tribes.

Why do they accept this event being performed by sub-standard representatives?

I propose the ability to perform a Haka in any form of official capacity is governed by the tribes and they start to develop a team of elite, physical Maori chaps to perform in such official activities. Something we as a nation can have pride in when watching - you know - you'd see them welcome Prince Charlie to NZ - a set of strapping, muscle bound fellas screaming at the future King only a metre away from ripping his pompous head off his shoulders and shitting down his neck.

Fuck yeah- come to NZ at your peril, just be grateful this is a welcome.

Go NZ Maori - regain your pride in this 'dance'

Comments?

[Berries]

I don't know how they get something so big to float.

[AllanB]

I don't know how they get something so big to float.

I think you refer to a Waka. And yes - they can capsize - I have noticed some now have out-riggers - soft bastards.

[Akzle]

[mada]

There are two mindsets:

1) It is disrespectful to do it left right and centre. If it is done it should be done so with the proper mana(respect) and tikanga (tradition/etiquette/method), which entails only those trained and a select few doing it.

2) Flipside is that we live in a modern world and in the past Maori culture wasn't as accepted or valued. While some of the haka's performed may not be strict to form and etiquette it is the principles and respect to given to performing it (no matter how messy) and others that matters. It makes it more acceptable and ingrains further our own sense of united identity.

Maori are not united on their view of this. Even within Hapu and Iwi's you would find no clear agreement. It's pretty much the same for the argument of making Te Reo compulsory... there are those who feel it would butcher the language, while those who feel it would enrich our NZ culture.

I tend to take the latter view - good on those giving it ago. Afterall strip away our Maori and Pacific influences, and what makes us any different to the Aussies apart from geography and slightly different twang?

[husaberg]

and what makes us any different to the Aussies apart from geography and slightly different twang?

er.... the creation of Far lap and the Pavlova, and our non claiming of Russell Crowe.........

[buggerit]

I tend to take the latter view - good on those giving it ago. Afterall strip away our Maori and Pacific influences, and what makes us any different to the Aussies apart from geography and slightly different twang?

Our forefathers immigrated by choice

[mada]

er.... the creation of Far lap and the Pavlova, and our non claiming of Russell Crowe.........

We got our flag first too!

[jasonu]

er.... the creation of Far lap and the Pavlova, and our non claiming of Russell Crowe.........

Not bad for a country with only 4 million people

[admenk]

I blame the NZ tribes.

Why do they accept this event being performed by sub-standard representatives?

To be fair, every time they do complain / comment on the "over use / inapropriate use" of the haka (or anything else for that matter!) , everyone else tells them to stop moaning and being so precious.

[sidecar bob]

Every time someone embraces Maori culture that isn't a Maori, they get a damn good telling off. They should be glad people are giving it a crack, rather than being aggrieved that it's not quite spot on.
For example, I thought it was a fantastic idea to put Maori art on shower curtains, but apparently not.
I don't get too concerned when someone "arks youse fullas ow to giz a ride on the car" it's total destruction of my cultural language, but hey, that's the best they can do, so that's fine.

[Voltaire]

I blame the NZ tribes.

Why do they accept this event being performed by sub-standard representatives?

The early settlers were lean and hard working, what would they make of the current crop of overweight whities who spend hours moaning on the internet.

[Oakie]

Returned from Rarotonga a few days ago and we attanded a cultural evening while there. The male dancers were very well put together young men. (Mrs Oakie will confirm this). It did occur to me at the time that if we had attended similar in NZ, the performers would most likely have had considerably more wobble factor.

[sidecar bob]

Returned from Rarotonga a few days ago and we attanded a cultural evening while there. The male dancers were very well put together young men. (Mrs Oakie will confirm this). It did occur to me at the time that if we had attended similar in NZ, the performers would most likely have had considerably more wobble factor.

Their wives carry the wobble on their husbands behalf. How many times did you feel sorry for a motor scooter with only one woman on it?

[husaberg]

Not bad for a country with only 4 million people

Remember we invented false modesty as well, which clearly precludes me from mentioning.
Steam pasteurisation
How to Split atoms
The Jet boat
Spreadable butter
Electric fences
Deer farming
The worlds most efficient dairy cows breed (kiwicross)
The worlds hardiest and most ugly sheep (Perendale).
Paint tin and coffee can lids.
Not to mention all the stuff the Airforce did with re-winging upgrading and other stuff to keep the Orions, Strikemaster, Hercules and Skyhawk's flying.