Revenge is sweet!

[Beemer]

Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!

[Sniper]

Brilliant, thanks Beemer.

[ManDownUnder]

Love the "PS" - Icing on the cake LMAO!

[zadok]

I like it.

[Wolf]

Excellent!

Reminds me of a song by George Burns (googled some of the lyrics but couldn't find it so I'm going to have to write it all myself from memory)

(Spoken)
A sweet young girl was jilted by her husband
He left her and went his merry way
With tearful eyes, she wrote a final letter
In which, her broken heart had this to say:

(Sung)
I'm returning ev'ry present that you gave me
I'm sending back each letter that you wrote
And ev'ry sweet memento that we cherished
The locket that I wore around my throat
Enclosed you'll find the mortgage on the house, dear
That I'm fair, you must admit is true
I'm returning everything except the baby
That's the one thing that I didn't get from you

(Spoken)
Ain't that sad

(Sung)
I'm returning everything except the baby
That's the one thing that I didn't get from you

[*sic]

mint, that rocks... man i cant wait to win the big one and bail

[Cibby]

note to self... Check future husbands pockets before leaving him

Second note to self.. check husbands brother for signs of "feminity"

ncie one beemer...

[strayjuliet]

Now I know how to divorce Wolf. It's a bugger that I have to wait for him to hit the jackpot with lotto first.