You're going to stick your finger where ... !?

**russd7** · 7th May 2017, 19:37

Originally Posted by johcar

Female doctors are best for this job..

not the bitch locally the proclaims to be a doctor, i went to see her in desperation one day, extremely sore round the rear. she decided she needed to do a rectal exam, tells me this will just be a little uncomfortable, i figured well im in a lot of pain now so it cant get any worse, lubes up she dose, then wham. she was still trying to shove her finger up while trying to drag me off the ceiling. then she tells me nothing wrong, take some panadol and just try to relax. a couple days later i got in to see my doc, i was in to the specialist the next day and in for a minor op three weeks later, turns out the inner sphincter wasn't releasing, quite common apparently.

**Grumph** · 7th May 2017, 19:46

When they send the probe with camera up, looking for polyps, they "enlarge" things, with a little air pressure....

When they did me, some years back now, three apprentices had just been sentenced for killing a workmate by sticking an airline up his bum....

I drew this to the operators attention, asking just how much pressure was being used. They assured me it was no more than 3 -4 psi.

I survived.

**jasonu** · 7th May 2017, 19:50

Originally Posted by oldrider

Neighbour went the other day!

They found two abandoned vehicles and box of stolen light bulbs - you just never know what's up there - pays to be careful where you sit!

How about a car...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGOHE1zqEmY

**jasonu** · 7th May 2017, 19:52

Originally Posted by HenryDorsetCase

while the finger is up there its important to look round and ask: "How much extra does this cost?"

I was told it was free if I did a reach around whilst the digit was inserted...

**Oakie** · 7th May 2017, 20:28

Originally Posted by Grumph

When they did me, some years back now, three apprentices had just been sentenced for killing a workmate by sticking an airline up his bum....

Yes I remember that case.

**granstar** · 7th May 2017, 20:40

I was in touch with my inner self the other day, anyone else notice the shit paper these days is getting much thinner?

**oldrider** · 7th May 2017, 20:54

Originally Posted by jasonu

How about a car...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hGOHE1zqEmY

Originally Posted by granstar

I was in touch with my inner self the other day, anyone else notice the shit paper these days is getting much thinner?

1) Thank God for the Mini.

2) True! - have to chastise the missus for excessive economising every now and then!

**russd7** · 7th May 2017, 20:58

Originally Posted by granstar

I was in touch with my inner self the other day, anyone else notice the shit paper these days is getting much thinner?

well, i do have a good news paper article here for ya if ya want it, you can have the rest of the paper as well

**HenryDorsetCase** · 7th May 2017, 21:48

Originally Posted by Oakie

Yes I remember that case.

mans laughter IIRC.

the cause of death was an air embolism. Air at high pressure goes through the skin into a blood vessel. The air bubble travels along the vessel till it gets to the heart then the heart doesnt pump it and bada boom bada bing, you dead.

**pritch** · 8th May 2017, 00:24

Originally Posted by AllanB

Oh by the way - there is a simple blood test now that is more accurate that half a hand up your bum to check prostrate cancer.

The blood test is 'as well as' rather than 'instead of'. The blood test can give false positives, if you start doing one each year though it should provide a reliable picture after a while. If the blood test indicates the possibility of a problem you'll probably still get the finger. Then you'll likely get a biopsy, that's even more "interesting".

**jellywrestler** · 8th May 2017, 00:50

i'd seen my quack on the ferry a few days before my probing, talked to him for a good half an hour about things, when he stuck his finger up my jacksie i asked him how the ferry pies were the other day......
he hadn't been asked that during that job before he reckons.

**pritch** · 9th May 2017, 21:57

I've always been envious of the guys who could crack hearty in circumstances like that. And yeah I've read the jokes. When the guy was doing the biopsy

I told him it felt like I'd been abducted by aliens. He laughed and shouted, "I've been probed!"

Half the bloody hospital would heard that and thought it was me. How embarrassing.

**Oakie** · 30th May 2017, 20:17

Doubling down I am. Full colonoscopy on 22 June (taxpayer funded ... thanks guys!). Shit just got real.
Worst thing is I'm not allowed to ride for 24 hours afterwards due to the sedatives. Actually it's not really the worst thing ...

**Moi** · 30th May 2017, 20:28

Originally Posted by Oakie

Doubling down I am. Full colonoscopy on 22 June (taxpayer funded ... thanks guys!). Shit just got real.
Worst thing is I'm not allowed to ride for 24 hours afterwards due to the sedatives. Actually it's not really the worst thing ...