After all this time, I've finally worked out,

**F5 Dave** · 26th August 2017, 14:50

. . how to deal with telemarketers and scammers. Usually I'd just swear profusely at them, but that is more likely to get you put on some high rotation call late at night revenge list.

Instead I now ask them if they've accepted Jesus into their life. Seems to get rid of them pretty quick smart and hopefully upset them as revenge for disturbing you.

Although perhaps I was a bit quick just before with the lady caller. Maybe she was calling from Microsoft about my computer software.

**Laava** · 26th August 2017, 16:33

Originally Posted by F5 Dave

. . how to deal with telemarketers and scammers. Usually I'd just swear profusely at them, but that is more likely to get you put on some high rotation call late at night revenge list.

Instead I now ask them if they've accepted Jesus into their life. Seems to get rid of them pretty quick smart and hopefully upset them as revenge for disturbing you.

Although perhaps I was a bit quick just before with the lady caller. Maybe she was calling from Microsoft about my computer software.

I let them listen to the maori channel for a bit.

**Berries** · 26th August 2017, 17:08

Ask them what they are wearing and then gradually lower the tone as far as you dare. For some reason that does not go down well on the sub continent and they hang up quite quickly, or get the supervisor on which can be even funnier when they lose the plot.

Only do this when home alone though. If the wife is in the house it can lead to all kinds of hassle.

**Moi** · 26th August 2017, 19:01

The caller the other day spent quite some time talking me through what I should be doing so he could access my laptop... but sort of lost the plot when I had difficulty locating the four-coloured flag... he didn't think it was funny when I mentioned there was an apple in the top left corner, not a flag in the lower left corner...

**ellipsis** · 26th August 2017, 19:03

...i've found 'fuck off', works well...

**Swoop** · 26th August 2017, 19:32

The "fuck off", slam the phone down, etc approaches simply leave you on their list of people to call.

Just stop them, then say "I require you to remove my details from your list AND ANY OTHERS YOU HAVE ACCESS TO". They will stop whatever shyte they are blabbing on about and do what you say.
After a couple of callers like this, you will be purged of the telemarketer people.

I did this and haven't had a caller for years.

Or, just hang up on them and continue bitching about getting called... during dinner time.

**F5 Dave** · 26th August 2017, 20:01

We mostly get international ones and they don't have rules.

**Akzle** · 26th August 2017, 20:07

i never answer unknown/witheld numbers, nor overseas numbers unless i know some cunt overseas be trying to phone me.
i had an answering machine message to that effect ("if you're calling from a blocked number, get the fuck on, shithead")

i've only had a few spam calls since being in the yellow pages, and not having a landline (whothunk. you pay to have your number listed, and they sell it on), usually resolved with "who this" "how you get my number" "remove this number from your database"

of course, my phone manner is gruff anyway. so most calls are "who this" "how you get my number" "why the fuck you phoning me..."
sorry mum.

and if any cunt phones looking for "the bill payer" or "the householder" they get shitcanned straight away. why you phoning people you dont fucken know, asshole.

**F5 Dave** · 26th August 2017, 20:11

Is that the way Jesus would have handled it?

**ellipsis** · 26th August 2017, 20:23

...fuck jesus...a simple 'fuck off' feels appropriate...they are a couple of words that roll off the tongue so easily...I don't give a fuck how many times they call, 'fuck off', always seems so appropriate...and concise...

**oldrider** · 26th August 2017, 20:40

Think I will join up and get all your contact details and call you guys it sounds like fun!

As for that Jesus guy - I see he has been in business for more than 2000 years and counting - how many coffee bars can claim that?

**T.W.R** · 26th August 2017, 20:50

Originally Posted by oldrider

Think I will join up and get all your contact details and call you guys it sounds like fun!

As for that Jesus guy - I see he has been in business for more than 2000 years and counting - how many coffee bars can claim that?

The J man & the big B book are the best sales propaganda story the world has ever seen

As for the lemmings sitting there doing random telemarketing, they get the numbers of a communal data base, once the number is in it any of them have access to it.
A blast from a air horn or even a whistle down the phone makes them disappear quick

**Oakie** · 26th August 2017, 20:53

For a couple of months now I have been receiving calls on my mobile from Ontario, Canada. Some little asian voice trying to sell me shares to increase my portfolio. (I don't have a portfolio). Of course i see Ontario as the caller on my phone and press the big red button so it's not too much hassle but i don't get many calls so it's a bit disappointing to get a call and find its just a crap call.

**Berries** · 26th August 2017, 23:24

Originally Posted by Oakie

........ but i don't get many calls so it's a bit disappointing to get a call and find its just a crap call.

Ahhhhhhhhhh. Post your number and I can arrange a few calls from dirty women to cheer you up.

**jasonu** · 27th August 2017, 02:43

Originally Posted by F5 Dave

. . how to deal with telemarketers and scammers. Usually I'd just swear profusely at them, but that is more likely to get you put on some high rotation call late at night revenge list.

Instead I now ask them if they've accepted Jesus into their life. Seems to get rid of them pretty quick smart and hopefully upset them as revenge for disturbing you.

Although perhaps I was a bit quick just before with the lady caller. Maybe she was calling from Microsoft about my computer software.

Nice one.
I kept some stinky curry muncher from Microsoft on the line for 1/2 hour. I changed accents several times before he twigged and hung up.