The Joys Of Christmas

Twas the night before christmas and all through the kitchen:

I was cooking and baking and
moanin and bitchin.
I've been here for hours,I
can't stop to rest.
This room's a disaster,just
look at the mess!
Tomorrow I've got got thirty
people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings
who cares what I need!
My feet are both blisted,I've
got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a
bowl full of eggs,
There's a knock at the door
and the telephone's ringing.
Frosting drips on the counter
as the microwaves dinging.
Two pies in the oven,desserts
almost done:
My cookbook is soiled with
butter and crumbs.
I've had all I can stand.I can't
take anymore.
Then in walks my husband,
spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles,his
balance unsteady.
Then grins as he chuckles "The
eggs nog is ready"
He looks all around and with
total regret,
says,"What's taking so
long....aren't you through in
here yet?"
As quick as a flash I reach for
a knife,
He loses an earlobe,I wanted his life!
He flees from the room in
terror and pain
And screams,"MY GOD
WOMAN,YOU'RE GOING
INSANE!!"
Now what was I doing,and
what is that smell!!?
oh shit it's the pies! They're
burned all to hell!!
I hate to admit when I make a
mistake.
But I put them on BROIL
instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong? Is
there still more ahead?
If this is good living,I'd rather
be dead.
Lord,don't get me wrong,I
love holidays:
It just leaves me exhausted,all
shakey and dazed.
But I promise you one thing,
If I live till next year,
You won't find me pulling my
hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid,a cook,and a
waiter,
And if that doesn't work,I'll
HAVE IT ALL CATERED!