Twas the night before christmas,
When all through the house,

Everybody felt shitty even the mouse.
With mom at the whore
house,

And dad smoking grass,
I'd just settled down for a nice
piece of ass!

When out on the lawn I hear
such a clatter!
I sprung from my piece to see
what was the matter!

When out on the lawn I saw a
big dick,
I knew in a moment it must be
Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell,
I knew in a moment the fucker
had fell.

He filled all our stockings with
pretzels and beer.
And a big rubber dick for my
brother the queer.

He rose up the chimney with a
thunderous fart,
The son of a bitch blew the chimney a part!

He swore and cursed as he
rode out of sight,
piss on you all and have a hell
of a night!