A really Filthy version of
"Twas the night before
Christmas

"Twas the night before
Christmas,and God it was neat
The kids were both gone,and
the wife was in heat.
The doors were all bolted,and
the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky,by
hook or by crook.
Momma in her teedy,and I in
the nude
Had just hit the bedroom and
reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there
arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner and poor
momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprung like
an elf,
Tore back the shade while she
played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the
snowman we'd built ,
showed a broom up his ass,
clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering
eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight
mangy reindder.
With a fat little driver,half out
of his sled,
A sock in his ear,and a bra on
his head.
Sure as I'm speaking he was as
high as a kite.
And he yelled to his team,
but it didn't sound right.
Whoa Shithead,whoa
Asshole,whoa Stupid,
whoa putz,
Either slow down this rig
or I'll cut off your nuts.
Look out for the lamp
post,and don't hit the
tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh,
"cause I gottta go pee.
They cleared the old lamp
post,the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out
and threw up on my shurb.
And then from the roof we
heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now
emptied his bladder.

I was donning my jacket to
cover my ass,
When down the chimney
Santa came with a crash.
His suit was all smelly with
perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and
smelled like a whore.
"That was some brothel,"
he said with a smile,
"The reindeer are pooped,
and I'll just stay here
awhile."

He walked to the kitchen,
poured himself a drink,
Then whipped out his
pecker and pissed in the
sink.
I started to laugh,my wife
smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung
nearly down to his knee.
Back in the den,Santa
reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone,
and some new things were
packed.
The first thing he found
was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun
with a penis that spits.
A box filled with condoms
was Santa's next find,
And a six pair of panties,
the edible kind.
A bra without nipples,a
penis extension,
And several other things
that I shouldn't even
mention
A cock ring,a G-string,
and all types of oil,
A dildo so long,it lay in a
coil.
"This stuff ain't for kids,
Mrs.Santa will shit,
So I'll leave 'em here,and
then just split."
He filled every stocking
and then he took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug
tucked under his sleeve.
He sprang to his sleigh,but
his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and
broke wind instead.
In time he was seated,
took the reins of his hitch,
Saying,"Take me home
Rudolph,this night's been
a bitch!"
The sleigh was near gone
when we heard Santa
shout,
"The best thing about sex
is that it never wears out!"