Barbies Letter To Santa

Dear Santa,
Listen you fat little troll,I've
been helping you out every
year,playing at being the
perfect Christmas present,
wearing skimpy bathing suits
in frigid weather,and
drowning in fake tea from one
too many tea parties,and I
hate to break it to Ya Santa,

There had better be some
changes around here this
Christmas,or I'm gonna call
for a natiomwide meltdown
( and trust me,you won't
wanna be around to smell it ).
So,here's my hoilday wish list,

1: Anice comfy pair of sweat
pants and a frumpy,oversized
sweatshirt.I'm sick of looking
like a hooker.How much
smaller are these bathing suits
gonna get? Do you have any
idea what it feels like to have
nylon and velcro crawling up
your butt?

2: Real underwear that can be
pulled on and off.Preferably
white.What bonehead at
Mattel decided to cheap out
and Mold imitation
underwear to m y skin??? It
looks like cellulite!

3" A REAL man....maybe GI
Joe.Hell,I'd take Tickle-Me
Elmo over that Wimpy-out
excuse for a boyfriend Ken.
And what's with that earing
anyway? If I'm gonna have
to suffer with him,at least
make him ( and me )
analomically correct.

4: Arms that actually bend so
I can push the
aforementhioned Ken-wimp
away once he is anatomically

5: Breast reduction surgery.I
don't care whose arm you
have to twist,just get it

6: A jogbra.To wear until I get
the surgery.

7: A new career.Pet doctor
and school teacher just don't
cut it.How about a systems
analyst? Or better yet,an
advertising account exec!

8: A new,more modern
persona.Maybe PMS
Barbie,complete with a
miniature container of
chocolate chip cookie dough
icecream and a bag of chips:
'Animal Rights Barbie,with
my very own pain gun,
outfitted with a fake fur coat
and handcuffs,or stop
Smoking Barbie," sporting a
removable Nicotrol patch and
equipped with several packs
of gum.

9: No more McDonald"s
endorsements.The grease is
wreching my vinyl.

10: Mattel stock options.It's
been 50 years.I think I
deserve it.

Ok,Santa,that's it.
Considersing my valuable
contribution to society.I
don;t think these requests
are out of line.If you
disagree,then you can find
yourdelf a new bimbo doll for
next Christmas.It's that

Yours truly