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Thread: Katiepie - 10 years on with gentle tears in my eyes, but warmth in my heart

  1. #31
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    12th August 2013 - 20:01
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paul in NZ View Post
    We all have our dark times and indeed we are in one now as Vicki becomes less well but there are often good days too and they are things to be cherished.
    Paul, I have not spent enough time in my life telling people who matter to me that they do. I've been too shy, I've been too fuzzy, perhaps I've been too afraid because why would the care coming from me?

    But I know now that that is not correct or relevant. And I want you to know that you are one of those very people I mentioned in the OP who helped to shape me as a person, and why I have now felt such a deep desire to come back to Kiwibiker.

    your endless support and warmth helped me through so much of the darkness.

    And during your challenging times now, please know my love and thoughts are with you and Vicki. Virtual hugs to two humans who really made a difference in someone's life.

    I will pm you over the weekend between working at the bike mechanics (my second job part time) and study for my Business Diploma. Yup, trying to catch up of life as quickly as I can.

    Thank you for saying hello. My heart is smiling.

  2. #32
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    12th August 2013 - 20:01
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    Quote Originally Posted by release_the_bees View Post
    Although, having just looked back at your posts, I do remember that thread about the state of your driveway.

    However, good on you for sharing such a personal and heartfelt post.
    Ah that bloody driveway!!! I can proudly claim it as my permanent problem now, and the first time I need to get the R6 back up it is going to be smack bang in the middle of winter too. Should be a fun "welcome home" to the bike.

    And thank you. I've shared probably far too much over the years. And while at times that has been to the detriment of many friendships and created some pretty unsavory feedback from others (like messages from bikers who have never met me telling me I should have died in my crash and done everyone else a favor), it has also been what has helped to to learn and grow. So I have gained far more from doing so than I lost.

    And while I ended up believing those messages for many years as they kept coming for about 5 years, I am very happy to say now that I no longer do and have learned the tools I need to see past words now that are still directed at me as a result of those many years ago.

    Perhaps maybe one day, a few of those people too may find the power of vulnerability and how you can turn it into a strength to really help you change your life for the better.

    I'm now an open book. But ready to start a new chapter and the last one is finally finished and I understand it very well.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by caseye View Post
    I'd ride to Welly for that one!
    Well maybe, just maybe, I'd ride to Auckland to JOIN you on that ride to welly, and we can drag Reckless along like the first time he met me, and have a fucking fab time in welly riding with the pretty special humans who took me under their wing in my early days and talk about how great that ride was at the pub afterwards over a bowl of hot chips and tomato sauce.

    I haven't changed in some ways my friend.

  4. #34
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    25th January 2008 - 17:56
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katiepie View Post
    Well maybe, just maybe, I'd ride to Auckland to JOIN you on that ride to welly, and we can drag Reckless along like the first time he met me, and have a fucking fab time in welly riding with the pretty special humans who took me under their wing in my early days and talk about how great that ride was at the pub afterwards over a bowl of hot chips and tomato sauce.

    I haven't changed in some ways my friend.

    Reckles, you in?
    Katiepie had me at "ride toDorkland" The rest, well it's both History and will be history making!
    You keep that wonderful spirit humming girly, looking forward to catching up, sooner rather later.
    Every day above ground is a good day!:

  5. #35
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    28th October 2020 - 19:09
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    Keep moving forward, and try to look at the bright side every single time.

  6. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by Calix Lee View Post
    Keep moving forward, and try to look at the bright side every single time.


    Thanks bud, always doing my best to achieve just that. I think those who know personally will agree I have more often than not and I've always given it my very best go.

    But it's also not as easy as that and I wish it was. There is so much going on inside my heart and mind at the moment that to simply choose the see the shiny side is easier said than done.

    I'll be honest, I'm struggling this week and it's been a very very confusing time. Tomorrow I try harder and do better. But today, I'm willing to admit that it's all a bit too much. Ptsd and anxiety from such big trauma comes in waves. Right now I'm holding on tight and riding the wave out back into shore and safety

  7. #37
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    1st September 2007 - 21:01
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    Quote Originally Posted by Katiepie View Post
    ... But today, I'm willing to admit that it's all a bit too much. Ptsd and anxiety from such big trauma comes in waves. Right now I'm holding on tight and riding the wave out back into shore and safety
    For someone that has been through as much as you have ... don't doubt yourself.

    It used to be called the "Duck syndrome" ... all calm on the surface ... and paddling like the devil underneath. A lot of people that have had nowhere near as much as you've had ... happening to them in their lives ... suffer from similar. Go figure.

    Slow down and take things at a speed you can deal with in your own head.

    In the meantime ... just stay safe. You'll know better than I where that is for you.
    When life throws you a curve ... Lean into it ...

  8. #38
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    25th January 2008 - 17:56
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    Morning KatiePie, like ol FJ said, youré speed is good enough for you, don't worry about the shit you can't change, Here always kiddo.
    Every day above ground is a good day!:

  9. #39
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    21st November 2007 - 16:42
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    Something in the last few days made me think of you. Not sure what that was.
    I haven't been on Kiwibiker for probably 4 years but tonight I thought I would have a look.
    First thing I saw was your post. ESP?
    For some of us time flies by extremely quickly. It seems incredible to learn that it has been 10 years since your accident.
    I was pleased to read the positives you posted and saddened and angered to read of the negatives.
    It never fails to astound me how cruel and uncaring some people can be. Like children in the school yard.
    I hope you continue on your upward and onward track. Get that sparkle back in your eyes and your "silly giggle". (your words, not mine.)
    Best wishes, Keith.
    Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.
    One prefers to use its head, while the other relies on tales.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hinny View Post
    Something in the last few days made me think of you. Not sure what that was.
    I haven't been on Kiwibiker for probably 4 years but tonight I thought I would have a look.
    First thing I saw was your post. ESP?
    Best wishes, Keith.
    Then I am really pleased you did decide to stop by KB, much like I did only a couple of weeks ago. I too have not been on here for quite some time, but something drew me back here and I felt I needed to write.

    Lovely to hear from you, as it always was.

    Yup, 10 years. It's been a puzzling one to get my head around. As I mentioned, I look around me and every single person I know has grown, moved forward, expanded their lives and had lots to explore that is new. But I look at myself and it feels like I am exactly where I was those 10 years ago. It is the most bizarre thing to reflect on and experience. But I am aware that my perception of my own world may certainly differ from those looking in from the outside. So I take it with a grain of salt and actively release the pause button now I've achieved all the big stuff... security, income I can survive on again and recovery. The rest ahead now is simply detail to add to and change along the way. It's pretty exciting.

    Don't be too hard on those silly humans you talk about. For it is certainly not solely the actions of others than have changed who I am or knocked me around a bit. I take plenty of credit for doing much of that to myself. If I had the chance to do it all over, I like to think I would be a very different person for much of it from the things I have learned - both about others and more importantly myself.

    I was a very young naive woman through the early years. It's only been the past 3 years where I have actively pursued growth and learned how to do things differently. I withdrew from the entire world back then as I was drowning and hurting so badly with any interaction with others. And while I'm extremely wary still I believe I have come a long way and have better tools to get my shit together in life now than I did for a long time.

    Plus I have learned, through necessity, that I actually do really well doing life solo. Yes it can be pretty lonely at times, but I am doing ok and have a huge amount to be grateful for that so many don't. So I am, to put it simply, grateful. Every single day.

    Once this wee bump of ptsd starts to settle again as this decade mark gets behind me again I can assure you that silly grin will be back at times, slowly, and I believe I may even still be capable of that giggle. I think it may have been my embarrassing giggle that allowed us to enjoy our first conversation in person. That and the fact that I was stealing the hot water meant for peoples coffees for my hot water bottle because I am ridiculously soft.

    I recently found the courage to go to a party I was invited to. And it was there, just weeks ago, that 3 Kiwibiker members and I laughed like I haven't laughed in many many years.

    So here I am, perhaps I owe a thanks to those fellas. You kids know who you are. Fuck that was a fun night.

  11. #41
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    21st November 2007 - 16:42
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    Thumbs up

    Good to hear.
    KB has furnished some good friends over the years.
    In maybe just a little while you'll be back singing and dancing.
    Stay cool.
    Atheism and Religion are but two sides of the same coin.
    One prefers to use its head, while the other relies on tales.

  12. #42
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    28th October 2020 - 19:09
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    Quote Originally Posted by husaberg View Post
    HI KtTT great to hear from you again Best of luck on your continued journey.
    With adversity comes both wisdom and perspective.
    And chicks dig scars......

    Brave is such a good song, I like the meaning of it.

  13. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by Calix Lee View Post
    Brave is such a good song, I like the meaning of it.
    Sara Bareilles has one of my favourite voices. both as a song writer and as a voice.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katman View Post
    I reminder distinctly .




    Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken

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