Can't be bothered reading to see if this has been posted before
Why did the Maori cross the Road......
The Claim the other side
Whorem Fore
Can't be bothered reading to see if this has been posted before
Why did the Maori cross the Road......
The Claim the other side
In the riders seat
DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish............................................... .............49
Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone
Athletic.......................................... ...........No tits
Average looking........................................... Ugly
Beautiful......................................Pat hological liar
Contagious Smile.......................Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure.........................On medication
Feminist.......................................... ...............Fat
Free spirit............................................ ......Junkie
Friendship first....................................Former slut
Fun............................................... ........Annoying
New-Age..................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned......................................... ...No BJs
Open-minded.......................................Despe rate
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate.......................................S loppy drunk
Professional...................................... ...........Bitch
Voluptuous........................................ .....Very Fat
Large frame.........................................Huge ly Fat
Wants Soul mate.......................................Stalker
WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
MEN'S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay
"If you can make black marks on a straight from the time you turn out of a corner until the braking point of the next turn, then you have enough power."
Originally Posted by scracha
Forum whore
A man who had just moved out to the country decides to start a farm. He goes to one nearby and asks to buy a chicken.
The redneck farmer tells the man that they don't call them chickens there. "We say pullets."
Then the man selects a donkey.
The redneck farmer says, "We don't call them donkeys. Here we say, asses. And, by the way, if he ever stops on you, why just hit him a few times."
Then the man asks for one more animal. He asked for a rooster.
The redneck farmer says, "We also have a slang name for them. We call them cocks."
The man was walking home, down the road with his three new animals, when all of a sudden the donkey stops in the middle of the road.
A woman is also walking down the street and he asks her if she will do a favor for him.
She says, "Sure, what do you need?"
The man replies, "Can you hold my cock and pullet... while I slap my ass?"
“- He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.”
L-Plate Rider
Mummy, Mummy, please let me lick the bowl.
No son, flush it like everyone else.
In the riders seat
Late one night, an alien spacecraft landed near a deserted gas station. After a bit, one of the aliens came down the ramp, looked around, and walked over to one of the gas pumps, where he demanded "Earthling! Take me to your leader!" The gas pump, of course, did not reply. The alien became agitated and again demanded "Take me to your leader!" The gas pump remained silent. Frustrated, the alien went back to the spacecraft where he was confronted by the captain:
"Report."
"I contacted an earthling - he would not cooperate."
"Hmmm. I will deal with this earthling myself."
"Yes sir. Be careful sir, I have a feeling there could be trouble."
The captain left the ship and approached the gas pump. "Earthling, you will cooperate. Take me to your leader." The gas pump remained unresponsive. "Very well." The captain drew his blaster. "If you do not respond by the count of three, I shall be forced to fire on you. One. Two. Three." ZZZZZT. WHAM! The gas pump exploded, knocking the alien ass over teakettle. The captain jumped up and got back to the ship as fast as his whatevers would propel him.
"Quickly! Make ready to depart!"
"Yes sir. What happened sir?"
"I fired on the earthling and it responded very forcefully."
"Sorry sir, I was afraid that might happen."
"How did you know that there would be trouble?"
"Well sir, I assumed that anyone who can take his dick, wrap it around his feet and stick it in his left ear is probably going to be one bad bastard."
"If you can make black marks on a straight from the time you turn out of a corner until the braking point of the next turn, then you have enough power."
Whorem Fore
How do you confuse an idiot?
APRILINATOR
A blonde driving down a country road sees another blonde in the middle of a paddock rowing a dinghy on the grass. Screeching to a halt she leaps out of her car and races over to the fence. Leaning over the fence, shaking her fist she screams at the blonde in the dinghy " its blondes like you that give blondes like me a bad name and if I could swim I would come over there and smack you one!!!"
When I die I want to go quietly in my sleep like Grandpa, not sreaming and shouting like the passengers on his bus.
The four old folks in the retirement home were talking at lunch time.
One old dear said "oh my arthritis is killing my hands"
An old gent said " my eyesight is so bad I can't see stuff all"
Granny said " WHAT??? SPEAK UP YOU KNOW IM DEAF!!!"
The fourth said " Boy its just as well we can still have our driving liciences"
Why do you wrap tape round the stomach of Guinea Pigs??
So they do not split when you fuck them.
I'm one of the worlds best riders. I can wheelie, I can stoppie, I can stunt, hell I can get my shoulder down. I could keep up with Rossie if I wanted to race.
Then I go from bed to bike and somehow it all turns to crap.
Forum whore
A gas station in Texas was trying to increase its slack gas sales, so the owner put up a sign saying:
"Free Sex with Fill-up."
Soon, one of the local "rednecks" pulled in with his old beat-up pick-up, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10, if he guessed correctly, he would get his Free sex. The Redneck thought for a moment and then guessed 8. The proprietor said, "You were close, buddy. The number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time, but please try again."
A week later, the same redneck, along with a buddy, Bubba, pulled in for another fill-up, and after the purchase again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time, and again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 3. You were real close, but no free sex this time."
As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "Bubba, I done think that game is rigged and he don't really give away no free sex." Bubba replied, "..No tain't, Billy Ray .....it's not rigged -- my wife she done won twice last week!"
“- He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.”
Nana
Ask him to intro the joke "how do you keep an idiot in suspense?":
Workin' Socially!
This cracks me up.Not rude just funny.
My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am.
Immature and proud of it.
That's one pissed off looking,....... dog? Did someone mistake him for a slipper?This cracks me up.
I bet he could give your ankle a real savaging.
2 blondes were out walking in the bush. one said to the other - 'look! tracks! they look like deer tracks, maybe we will be lucky and see a cute deer.'
the other said 'no, they are pig tracks, we'll have to look out in case we get atacked by a big smelly boar.'
they were still arguing when the train ran them over.........
.
Marty: is that your dog in your avatar? He's lovely (this is a serious question!)
Being frustrated is disagreeable.
But the real disasters in life begin when you get what you want.
Workin' Socially!
Heh heh. I'm glad someone else appreciates it the way I do. It was a picture I got sent so I have no idea what breed it is or anything.
My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am.
Nana
How is a loft the same as Janet Jackson?
There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)
Posting Permissions
Reply With Quote
Bookmarks