A joke - rude so don't read if you are offended easily

**Ms Piggy** · 12th September 2004, 12:12

Originally Posted by Lynda Blair

The paycheck giveth and the Ducati Carbon Fibre Accessory shop taketh away

I love your new signature but shouldn't it read "Hamish's paycheck giveth and Lynda taketh away to the Ducati Carbon Fibre Accessory shop."

**Ms Piggy** · 12th September 2004, 15:48

Tee hee.

**Big Dog** · 13th September 2004, 19:27

**Big Dog** · 14th September 2004, 18:44

**Big Dog** · 14th September 2004, 19:30

**Big Dog** · 14th September 2004, 20:00

**Ms Piggy** · 19th September 2004, 08:52

I got told this joke by my gay flatmate.

A gay guy & a straight guy were flatting together and there is a fire in their flat.

Which one gets out alive?

**jrandom** · 19th September 2004, 09:05

Originally Posted by Celtic_Sea_lily

Which one gets out alive?

If you were told this joke by a gay guy, it'll be the gay guy who gets out alive due to some inherent superiority, since subculture jokes tend to be subconsciously expressive of a need to reinforce personal worth against perceived dominant classes.

**Ms Piggy** · 19th September 2004, 11:01

Originally Posted by jrandom

If you were told this joke by a gay guy, it'll be the gay guy who gets out alive due to some inherent superiority, since subculture jokes tend to be subconsciously expressive of a need to reinforce personal worth against perceived dominant classes.

Not by a gay guy but by a gay woman. But yes your are correct JR, the gay guy gets out because........

His shit was already packed.

**Kickaha** · 19th September 2004, 11:55

This guy decides he's going to play a little joke on his wife one day.

As she steps out of the shower, he grabs one of her breasts and says "If you firmed these up a bit, you wouldn't have to keep using your bra." He laughs and laughs.

The next morning, he again catches her as she finishes her shower and grabs her arse and says "If you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn't have to keep using your girdle." Again he laughs and laughs, while his wife plots her revenge.

The next morning as he steps out of the shower, his wife grabs his penis and says, "If you firmed THIS up a bit, I wouldn't have to keep using your brother."

**toads** · 19th September 2004, 12:14

Originally Posted by Kickaha

This guy decides he's going to play a little joke on his wife one day.

As she steps out of the shower, he grabs one of her breasts and says "If you firmed these up a bit, you wouldn't have to keep using your bra." He laughs and laughs.

The next morning, he again catches her as she finishes her shower and grabs her arse and says "If you firmed this up a bit, you wouldn't have to keep using your girdle." Again he laughs and laughs, while his wife plots her revenge.

The next morning as he steps out of the shower, his wife grabs his penis and says, "If you firmed THIS up a bit, I wouldn't have to keep using your brother."

oooh ouch, I must tell Pete this one lol

**jrandom** · 20th September 2004, 09:38

Originally Posted by Celtic_Sea_lily

His shit was already packed.

Oh dear.

Bad mental images.

**bungbung** · 22nd September 2004, 09:13

What is black and sits at the top of the stairs?

Christopher Reeves after the fire

**Yokai** · 22nd September 2004, 16:02

I wrote this to my gf in response to her sending me the courses for men email:

Basic Units:

1 - Spanners and How to use them... Introductory class covering all aspects of the spanner, including the head and the handle. This is a required class for 2.01 The Adjustable Wrench.
2 - Why You look good in Sweats... This class takes 5 weeks and covers the basics of Athletics Wear. Not a requirement for the intermediate class "When to Apply Make Up, and Why the bathroom is for sharing"
3 - Technology 101... Comprising the courses "How to Google" and "RTFM - a guide to step by step assembly"

Intermediate
1 - Conversational Gambits and Appropriate Use... Covers such topics as "We need to talk..." and "How to Spot Intervals in The Game" 2 week course (Canadian credit - 3 weeks)
2 - "Wallet, Keys, Phone - the bare essentials?" - includes an introductory session on buying clothes with pockets.
3 - "The 30 minute Exit Plan - a guide to getting out of the house"... Comprises the basic philosophy course "Why he's doing stuff while waiting".

Advanced
1 - Union vs League vs AFL - pitfalls for the unwary.
2 - Answering Questions... Modules include "Yes or No are satisfactory answers" "Ways to say 'I don't Know' in less than 15 minutes" and culminating in "Tonal qualities of the word 'Fine' "
3 - Interpreting the grunt... Covers the "Please pass me the ", "Girl, you're so sweet" and "Man, I find you sexy - do you want to go at it or just have a pizza?"

Impossible
1 - The Offside Rule

Yo :

: