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Thread: The end of civilisation as we know it

  1. #1
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    The end of civilisation as we know it

    Well, 'proper' civilisation at any rate.

    As I sit on the crapper, I am bemoaning that the last few rolls of Quilton bog roll will soon be finished and we'll have to go back to shity shit roll.

    Why, oh why oh why did they have to close the factory?

    Right, I'll have to go select a stick from outside as a better alternative
    I've been told. Dreaming`s free.
    Think I'll go, back to sleep.
    Everybody listen, voices in my head
    Everybody listen, do yours say, what mine says?

  2. #2
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    Did you not stock up? Oh what a foolish Grasshopper you are.
    The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight underpants.

  3. #3
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    Well....

    That's a bit Shit....
    Physics; Thou art a cruel, heartless Bitch-of-a-Mistress

  4. #4
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    Be thankful you're not having to use that greaseproof brown Jeyes cut sheet stuff that all the schools used to get issued with
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    it's not a bad thing till you throw a KLR into the mix.
    those cheap ass bitches can do anything with ductape.
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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by pete376403 View Post
    Be thankful you're not having to use that greaseproof brown Jeyes cut sheet stuff that all the schools used to get issued with
    Izal That's what it was called in the UK. Every public toilet had it, perfect for smearing, useless at removing.

    I'm gonna miss the Quilton triple ply, was like an angel licking my fundament.

    Apparently high production costs wiped the profit so they flushed the NZ plant.











    Sorry.
    Manopausal.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by george formby View Post
    Izal That's what it was called in the UK. Every public toilet had it, perfect for smearing, useless at removing.
    Much loved by the Brit army apparently. They actually used soft toilet paper as an inducement for postings to Northern Ireland during the Troubles. Postings in the rest of Britain got the hard stuff.
    There is a grey blur, and a green blur. I try to stay on the grey one. - Joey Dunlop

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    Quote Originally Posted by F5 Dave View Post
    Right, I'll have to go select a stick from outside as a better alternative
    I can recommend dock leaves.

    I cannot recommend stinging nettles.
    Grow older but never grow up

  8. #8
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    Get a poop knife.

    https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfRed...he_poop_knife/

    You're welcome.
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  9. #9
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    Jesus. If I didn't turd for a day I'd be scared.
    I've been told. Dreaming`s free.
    Think I'll go, back to sleep.
    Everybody listen, voices in my head
    Everybody listen, do yours say, what mine says?

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by F5 Dave View Post
    Jesus. If I didn't turd for a day I'd be scared.
    Speights Old Dark will take care of that
    it's not a bad thing till you throw a KLR into the mix.
    those cheap ass bitches can do anything with ductape.
    (PostalDave on ADVrider)

  11. #11
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    So no danger there.

    After a night on it I'll often do 3 by midday till I feel better. Used to be a 3am kebab in the mix somewhere. Not so common up these parts and wife unlikely to be awake that late to make me one.
    I've been told. Dreaming`s free.
    Think I'll go, back to sleep.
    Everybody listen, voices in my head
    Everybody listen, do yours say, what mine says?

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by pete376403 View Post
    Be thankful you're not having to use that greaseproof brown Jeyes cut sheet stuff that all the schools used to get issued with
    Well thanks for nothing Pete. 40 years of intensive counselling and medications to get over the childhood trauma of that bloody horrible loo paper and it's all coming back like a bad smell. What idiot thought greaseproof non-absorbent loo paper would work?
    Happiness is a means of travel, not a destination

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by MD View Post
    Well thanks for nothing Pete. 40 years of intensive counselling and medications to get over the childhood trauma of that bloody horrible loo paper and it's all coming back like a bad smell. What idiot thought greaseproof non-absorbent loo paper would work?
    The same people that brought you this...
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    Only a Rat can win a Rat Race!

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Laava View Post
    The same people that brought you this...
    Aaargh!!!%$#@. Claytons gave me the shits that sent me to the loo and that f%$# useless Jeyes loo paper.
    Happiness is a means of travel, not a destination

  15. #15
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    My decision making process in that state is. Hmm, I haven't had a vodka in a while. Why haven't I had vodka in so long? You know? I think I'll have a vodka or two. .
    I've been told. Dreaming`s free.
    Think I'll go, back to sleep.
    Everybody listen, voices in my head
    Everybody listen, do yours say, what mine says?

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