Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Australia Tourism Help Site

  1. #1
    Join Date
    6th December 2003 - 15:22
    Bike
    2001 Duc 7 4 8 R
    Location
    Capital
    Posts
    520

    Australia Tourism Help Site

    The questions below about Australia are from potential visitors. They were
    posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual
    responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

    Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how
    do the plants grow? (UK).
    A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

    Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
    A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

    Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad
    tracks?(Sweden)
    A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

    Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
    A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

    Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of
    them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
    A: What did your last slave die of?

    Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia?(USA)
    A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia
    is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget
    it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

    Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
    A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
    we'll send the rest of the directions.

    Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
    A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

    Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
    A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh
    forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings
    Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

    Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
    A: You are a British politician, right?

    Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?
    (Germany)
    A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
    illegal.

    Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake
    serum. (USA)
    A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian
    snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

    Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its
    name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
    A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum
    trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them
    off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

    Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
    A: No, WE don't stink.

    Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell
    me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
    A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

    Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is
    smaller than the male population? (Italy)
    A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

    Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
    A: Only at Christmas.

    Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated
    while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
    A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

    Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
    A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
    It's not a beer pot .... It's a fuel tank for a sex machine

    Trip of a life time http://www.buenosaires-caracas.com.ar/tours.html
    Trip details here

  2. #2
    Join Date
    27th November 2003 - 12:00
    Bike
    None any more
    Location
    Ngaio, Wellington
    Posts
    13,111
    LOOL! Always good for a laugh.
    "Standing on your mother's corpse you told me that you'd wait forever." [Bryan Adams: Summer of 69]

  3. #3
    Join Date
    7th November 2004 - 11:00
    Bike
    Aquired by locals
    Location
    Groote Eylandt
    Posts
    6,606
    Hahaha, very good.
    To every man upon this earth
    Death cometh sooner or late
    And how can a man die better
    Than facing fearful odds
    For the ashes of his fathers
    And the temples of his Gods

  4. #4
    Join Date
    1st November 2005 - 08:18
    Bike
    F-117.
    Location
    Banana Republic of NZ
    Posts
    7,048
    A good one!
    Geeze, you'd need a sense of humour with dickhead questions like that being asked...
    TOP QUOTE: “The problem with socialism is that sooner or later you run out of other people’s money.”

  5. #5
    Join Date
    7th November 2004 - 11:00
    Bike
    Aquired by locals
    Location
    Groote Eylandt
    Posts
    6,606
    Quote Originally Posted by Swoop
    Geeze, you'd need a sense of humour with dickhead questions like that being asked...
    Try 8 hours of stupid questions per day. No wonder Im turning bitter.
    To every man upon this earth
    Death cometh sooner or late
    And how can a man die better
    Than facing fearful odds
    For the ashes of his fathers
    And the temples of his Gods

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •