anybody get any classic one liners?

[Yokai]

Do you sleep on your front?
No? - Can I?
Yes? Can I sleep under you?

You remind me of the sea...
What? Wild and romantic?
Nah - you make me sick!

[Al]

I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on!

Al

[SARGE]

When I was a child... We had a quick-sand box in the backyard...... I was an only child........ eventually...



I just bought a microwave fireplace... You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes...

I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit ...

[Swoop]

"My morals are so low, I can walk under a snakes arese while wearing a top hat"

[Highlander]

Manager? He couldn't manage to slap his arse with both hands.

Would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

If you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast!

[Dadpole]

Used on a stroppy CIB plod in Wellington

"Yeah right. You couldn't detect an elephant in a phone box"

[Wolf]

When I was young we were so poor...

... we thought "Marked Down" and "Half Price" were brand names.

... we thought "Closing Down Sale" was the world's largest chain of stores.

... our parents used to tell us to be naughty so we'd get the coal at Christmas.

I was confused as a kid - I grew up believing noses ran and feet smelled.

Big noses run in our family.

Were you born this stupid or did you have to take special training?

In answer to an unwanted sexual proposition:

I wouldn't fuck you for practise.

I wouldn't fuck you with someone else's pubes.

[The_Dover]

Or "I wouldn't fuck you with a stolen cock"

[MSTRS:Me]

Ask the ugliest girl in the room..."Do you want to dance?"...of course she will stand up & say yes..."Good, you won't be wanting this chair then"...*takes chair & walks off

[The_Dover]

Or if there is a bushpig standing guard over her hot mate

"Do you want to dance?"
"Yes"
"Well fuck off so I can talk to your mate then."

[heavenly.talker]

If it was f**ked it would be lying on its back with its legs open!
Now fix the damm thing!

[Hitcher]

Ask the ugliest girl in the room..."Do you want to dance?"...of course she will stand up & say yes..."Good, you won't be wanting this chair then"...*takes chair & walks off

Now that's harsh...

[SPman]

"I'd rather feel like shit, than be full of shit!" - ST

[cowpoos]

MR Poos says [with god dam smooth lounge lizard voice]....hey...how you doin there sexy lady...[hopefully she doesn't say anything negitive]...tell me...is that a mirror in your pants...[she answers with no]...well thats funny coz I can see myself in them....