Aunty Riff Raff's advice needed

[ManDownUnder]

Dear Aunty Riff Raff,

I need help. I'm trying to improve my riding style and would love to find the perfect balance between speed and endurance riding - something that'll let me go the distance, enjoy the sights but maintain a pace that'll set me apart from the bunch.

I'd also like to give some of the twins a go - I've heard some of them can scream, but I hear they can be high maintenance... what do you think?

Is wearing leather essential - or any protection for that matter. It seems more spontaneous and carefree to just go for it and throw caution to the wind, but I'm told I'll end up regretting that at some point.

What about having someone positioned behind me? Will I notice them? Do they have to follow my style or can they do their own thing? Will it affect my enjoyment?

So many questions and I look forward to hearing your sage and balanced words.

ManDownUnder

[Lou Girardin]

Dear Aunty Riff Raff,

I need help. I'm trying to improve my riding style and would love to find the perfect balance between speed and endurance riding - something that'll let me go the distance, enjoy the sights but maintain a pace that'll set me apart from the bunch.

I'd also like to give some of the twins a go - I've heard some of them can scream, but I hear they can be high maintenance... what do you think?

Is wearing leather essential - or any protection for that matter. It seems more spontaneous and carefree to just go for it and throw caution to the wind, but I'm told I'll end up regretting that at some point.

What about having someone positioned behind me? Will I notice them? Do they have to follow my style or can they do their own thing? Will it affect my enjoyment?

I have so many question and look forward to hearing your sage and balanced words.

ManDownUnder

Try doing your basic handling skills first. By necessity this is a solo course.
Call 0800onan.

[ManDownUnder]

Try doing your basic handling skills first. By necessity this is a solo course.
Call 0800onan.

Hands on I hope... but I have to admit - that'd be one powerpoint presentation I'd like to sit through (just leave the lights off for a bit till I say it's ok)

[Riff Raff]

Ah my son, you have come to the right place.

Dear Aunty Riff Raff,

I need help. I'm trying to improve my riding style and would love to find the perfect balance between speed and endurance riding - something that'll let me go the distance, enjoy the sights but maintain a pace that'll set me apart from the bunch.

This balance can only be achieved with the right farts. For speed you need to have farts brewing that may just turn into something solid. Enjoy the thrill of riding at phenominal speeds past your mates as you seek out the nearest toilet. A word of advice here tho, make sure you wear a tinted visor for those moments when the paparazzi are hanging out at a good corner to get photos of you in all your glorious knee-down poses.

Endurance riding is best done on happy, trippy little farts that just pop out unexpectedly leaving you grinning and with that lovely warm glow around the nether regions.

I'd also like to give some of the twins a go - I've heard some of them can scream, but I hear they can be high maintenance... what do you think?

The more the merrier - just think of the pleasure that can be had (and the money saved on jacuzzis) by hopping in an ordinary bath with them, and their synchronised farting creating a bubblicious experience.

Is wearing leather essential - or any protection for that matter. It seems more spontaneous and carefree to just go for it and throw caution to the wind, but I'm told I'll end up regretting that at some point.

There has been much debate on this subject. Leather allows farts to buildup and release slowly, cordura will retain the fart for later enjoyment, whilst your average clothing will just allow your fart to waft away - a tragic waste to my mind.

What about having someone positioned behind me? Will I notice them? Do they have to follow my style or can they do their own thing? Will it affect my enjoyment?

I guess this all depends on whether you had the super-hot curry the night before or not. A well-brewed fart may not be as pleasurable to them as it is to you resulting in the possibility of violence being directed at you. Individuals vary - some may enjoy it so much that they actively participate with some wonderful variations, including stand up farts. You are unlikely to get the same enjoyment from their farts as they do from yours as theirs will travel away from you. Perhaps you can look at swapping positions during the ride to maximise enjoyment to you both. It may also be helpful to guage beforehand whether they are a fart connosewer or not. Strange as it may seem, some people actually don't get enjoyment from farts. Obviously that should be the end of any association you have with this person.

I hope this helps you.

Love Aunty Riff Raff

[erik]

(I thought he was asking about the sv?)

[ManDownUnder]

Ah my son, you have come to the right place.

I've come already? You can't begin to imagine my disappointment. I hope to be back up to full strength soon

This balance can only be achieved with the right farts. For speed you need to have farts brewing that may just turn into something solid. Enjoy the thrill of riding at phenominal speeds past your mates as you seek out the nearest toilet. A word of advice here tho, make sure you wear a tinted visor for those moments when the paparazzi are hanging out at a good corner to get photos of you in all your glorious knee-down poses.

Endurance riding is best done on happy, trippy little farts that just pop out unexpectedly leaving you grinning and with that lovely warm glow around the nether regions.

I took what you said and tried it out last night - initially the combo of prunes and a good curry seemed to do the trick but I found myself stepping/slipping over the line with one deliciously "wet" fart that cleared the restaurant, set the alarms off and soiled the chair.

The volunteer fire guys showed up and had to put on their breathing gear and called in the contamination control unit to clear the place up a bit. I thought I done well until I had to leave the place and the crowd of hungry diners were laughing at the stain in my pants.

So I dropped another one in the carpark and they all went home

The more the merrier - just think of the pleasure that can be had (and the money saved on jacuzzis) by hopping in an ordinary bath with them, and their synchronised farting creating a bubblicious experience.

That's a great idea - they get moist - and so do I. I hadn't considered that option. I might ease off on the prune and curry combo before this though. Staining the water might be a bit much - or shoudl I just go for it and see how dedicated they really are?

There has been much debate on this subject. Leather allows farts to buildup and release slowly, cordura will retain the fart for later enjoyment, whilst your average clothing will just allow your fart to waft away - a tragic waste to my mind.

After the restaurant "incident" I came to the conclusion that letting everything out, even slowly, might be a bad idea so I tried this with my latex gear on and it almost seemed to concentrate the smell. It was incredible.

The rash on my arse will clear up soon apparently but the bloody doctor didn't seem to pleased to see me. He muttered something about me ruining his dinner the other night - I told him to get hard - he got my $40 for the appointment and 1/2 a free meal at the restaurant the other night - what more could he want?

It turns out his car is being resprayed because he was dumb enough to park it downwind...

I guess this all depends on whether you had the super-hot curry the night before or not. A well-brewed fart may not be as pleasurable to them as it is to you resulting in the possibility of violence being directed at you. Individuals vary - some may enjoy it so much that they actively participate with some wonderful variations, including stand up farts. You are unlikely to get the same enjoyment from their farts as they do from yours as theirs will travel away from you. Perhaps you can look at swapping positions during the ride to maximise enjoyment to you both. It may also be helpful to guage beforehand whether they are a fart connosewer or not. Strange as it may seem, some people actually don't get enjoyment from farts. Obviously that should be the end of any association you have with this person.

LIFE SAVING ADVICE. I didn't find anyone in town with the same level of appreciation as I have so I'm moving towns. At first I wasn't sure if I should move or not but your advice has confirmed if for me. The "wanted" posters all round town kinda confirmed it for me too...

I hope this helps you.

Immensely but it's completely buggered my sex life

Love Aunty Riff Raff

Yup - we all love Aunty Riff Raff... except the morning after curry night