What's your sickest joke?

[Bikkie]

'Chelsea player 'has no
idea' his girlfriend is
secrectly sleeping with
Arsenal footballer.
I guess all women secrectly
like to be taken up the
Arsenal.



A large woman was
shopping for shorts in our
local sports shop.
She came out of the
changing room and asked
me,"do these shorts
make my arse look fat?"
I replied,"No-it's the fat
that makes your arse look
fat."



Male pornstars are
basically professional
wankers.



"Sex and
menopause...what women
still want."
More of the former,less
of the latter

[Bikkie]

Gravestones are a thing of
the passed.


It looks like God was
Reddy for Helen.



"Serena Williams insists
her body is still willing
after pulling out of French
Open."
Alexis Ohanian confirms
this is true after pulling
out of Serena W illiams.




What do you call
a basement full of
feminists?
A whine cellar.

[Bikkie]

'Playboy' Prince Andrew
was obessed with
redheads.
It's easier when the only
soul they have,is their
arsehole.




Of course black lives
matter.
A dead slave is useless.



The other day my friends
and I tried to split the bill
five ways and it got really
awkward.
I don't know who was
more embarrassed:us or
the prostitute.



Never try to flush away
Cornflakes,because it
Kellogg's your toilet.

[Bikkie]

I was at the restaurant
and a beautiful woman
came to me.I looked at her
and she looked at me and
then she asked me if I'm
alone and I said yes.She
smiled and I smiled back
at her and then she took
one chair out from my
table.





Saw a girl today wearing
a shirt that had "Think
bigger" written on the
front.
I thought,"she should've
worn that on her butt as
well."



BBC website:"Lana Del
Rey covers Ariana Grande
in the Live Lounge."
Funny how that has
absolute no interest to me
on Radio 1,but if it was on
pornhub.



I phoned up a hotel and
the receptionist said
hello best western.I said
unforgiven with Clint
Eastwood.



What's Barbies favourite
thing to do at Halloween?
Pump Ken.



They say there's
sometimes a thin line
between inspiration and
theft.
Well then,today a black
guy was inspired by my
fucking bike.

[Bikkie]

What's dark and full of
bats?
The West Indies cricket
team.



2020-The year when
Conspiracy Theories made
more sense then official
and Government Narratives.



Ive worked out
that a populist is
a politician that
actually does what
they promised to do,to
get elected.
Never fucking seen one
though.



Politicians are like batteries.
They claim to be powerful long
lasting but usually they're
flat and weak.




Philip Schofield has
moved out of his family
home...I wonder if he used
the back door.



A robotic spacecraft has
successfully delivered
a new toilet to the
International Space
Station.
.......according to the
Captain's Log.



Behind every successful
man,there is a woman.
Particularly if he'd been
trying to figure out how a
strap-on works.




Just did a charity stand up
gig to raise funds for my
new wheelchair.

[Bikkie]

"Does anyone know how
long till the Second Wave?,
As I am in self-isolation
watching non stop Dave,
They want me to not meet
people and wear a mask,
It was Xmas but now
Easter 2021 till it lasts,
The whole thing is daft,
And I don't know why,
You have to laugh,
Or else you cry,
You have to live,
Or else you die,
You have to laugh,
Or else you cry,
My mates says we're
heading for a shitty time,
Its just a matter of
cancelled Xmas and no
Pantomine.
We're heading for disaster
but I just don't care,
Shut your eyes and count
to ten and you won't be
there,
The whole thing is daft,
And I don't know why,
You have to laugh,
Or else you cry,
You have to live,
Or else you die,
You have to laugh,
Or else you cry..."




"DOJ announces
charges for ISIS Beatles"
I couldn't see these
Americans LET IT BE.
Guess now these guys
need some HELP.

[Bikkie]

To celebrate Black History
month I'm going to dress
up as a golliwog.



Notable moments in Black
Hostory.

Invention of the stick.
Invention of the Doctors
magical bone.
After thieving his knife
then boiling and eating a
British explorer,the cunts
invented stabbin;
Invented kidnapping
fellow wogs and selling
them en masse to passing
ships.
Invented rape.
After free loading their
way into White society the
cunts invented looting and
rioting
Contributed to Western
Medical Science by
exporting AIDS,Ebola,
Monkey Pox et al and etc.
Invented the race card and
perpetual victim status.
Turned their entire
continent of origin into a
corrupt fuckin' shit hole.

[Bikkie]

Trumpkin.

It's orange on the outside,
hollow on the inside,and
should be thrown out in
November.



Donald Trump is back
in the White House,
showboating with no
mask on and ignoring
social distancing
protocols.
Many doctors have said
it;s too early to determine
whether or not he is
still dangerous to other
people.
I agree.We won't know
that for sure until
November 4th

[Bikkie]

I've just read that Elton
John and Rod Stewart
have fallen out.
I thought Elton loved rod?



In a bid to reduce
increasing sectarianism,
Police Service of Northern
Ireland have banned
Orange marches.
Donald Trump said to
be visbly upset by this
report.



Stevie Nicks says Botox
made her look like 'Satan's
angry daughter.'
30 years of cocaine
addiction probably hasn't
done her looks any
favours either.



In order tp appease
the Coronavirus,we
must throw the entire
Government into a live
volcano.
Even if it doesn't work,
it'll still benefit the nation
enormously.



Nicola Sturgeon has
banned the sale of alcohol
in Scottish pubs for 16
days.
Bit of an own goal
there Nic,how are you
supposed to get a shag
now?

[Piper]

Astrid the new Swedish sex toy has developed a fault she deflates during sex, I can't help feeling they have let themselves down with this one.



Donald Trump says he will leave the USA if he loses the election.
I've heard there's this lovely little retreat called Rikers Island.

[Piper]

"Phil Collins devastated as wife dumps him by text and marries someone else."
I thought his marriage would succeed against all odds, but take a look at him now.


I asked the librarian if she had a book about the proper way to insert a penis into a vagina.
" That's indecent " she said.
" Yeah that's the one.
I replied.

[Piper]

What does your wife and a
high class hooker have in common?
They will both take $500
Out of your wallet yet you still
can't put it in her arse.


"A 99 and a 69 please," I
said to the ice cream guy.
"What's a 69?" he frowned
I said,"it's like a 99,but
with fish instead of a
flake."

[Piper]

What do blacks call their
sexual partners?
Prime mates.


My mother always said,
"Sometimes, son it is
better to just walk away
from things and go back
to them later when you 're
in a better frame of mind."
Anyway I just lost my job
as a surgeon.


My voluntary work with
the Samaritans only
lasted one shift. A caller
said he was suicidal and
about to throw himself
under a train.
I thought I should get
advice from a supervisor
and told him to stay on
the line


I was checking out a good
looking bird at New World
when the wife caught me.
That's it no turkey dinner
for us tonight.

[Piper]

Prince Andrew "faces
being replaced as
Commodore of Britain’s
oldest yacht club."
"He's easy like Sunday
morning."



What's Prince Andrew's
favourite 80's film?
Big Trouble In Little One's
Vaginas.



This impotence is all very
new to me. I'm Johnny - cum-lately.


Men with neck tattoos
used to make people
nervous.
Now they make them
lattes.


Most of us know the late
Michael Hutchence as the
bloke who was INXS.
Whereas to Bob Geldof
he's the bloke who was IN
HIS EX.


Can you believe that there
actually is a Chinese "guardian deity"
by the name Long Wang?

[Piper]

I keep trying to persuade
my wife that it’s the small
things in life that give the
most pleasure!
My excuse for having a
3 inch cock.


They say that women are
like buses. You wait ages
for one then three turn up
ar once.
Well I don't know about
three turning up. But the
one I dated certainly
resembled the back end of
a bus.


When I was a young boy
my father told me that
white girls dated black
men because they have
Big cocks!
Now I’m older I know
the truth, Easy access to drugs!!!


I've been invited to my
mother - in-law's Halloween
crazy costume party, and
I have no idea what I'll go
as.
My wife 's a fat compa
loompa. Her mother's an
evil witch.
I wonder what they are
going dressed as.