What's your sickest joke?

[Piper]

No wonder France lost.
It's very confusing when
your opponents disguise
themselves as your
National flag.


Southgate has been seen
with Harry Kane at a
brothel in London today.
Obviously trying to teach
him to score.


Just watching Spain v
Croatia on ITV with that
female manager
commentating.
If I wanted to listen to
a woman talk complete
shit whilst I was watching
a football match I’d get
married.


'US air regulators want to
stop saying cockpit'
I'm not sure calling it a
'glory hole' will work any
better.


BREAKING NEWS : Native
Americans want meeting
with Harry and Meghan
over fears the Sussexes
are using HOLY WATER
to irrigate the grounds
of their $14.7 million
California mansion.
How.


DR OOOOH


Dr Who is set to meet his
greatest adversaries yet...
The Weeping Arseholes.


The TARDIS ( Taking
Unlimited Random Dicks
In Shitter )
You can fit more in Doctor
Who's Anus than it seems.


I've took my poodle
Bowsie Wowsie to the
BBC to audition for the
part to be the next Doctor
Who assistant. Hopefully
he will get to be Gay-9.
Oooooooh.


First a woman now a gay
Doctor who.... fuck knows
what he's going to do with
his sonic screwdriver.

Ever since the BBC let
the woke mob write the
scripts, Doctor Who has
turned into a real bummer.


Knock knock

Who's there?

Doctor

Doctor who?

Can you use the back door
please.

[Piper]

BREAKING NEWS :
Serena Williams out of
Wimbledon.
She slipped on a banana
skin.


The German team already
have towels on the seats
on the plane home.


"Who's left back for
England tonight, Chilwell
or Shaw?"
"Not sure. "
" So Chilwell. "


"I like Football, I like
kicking the football.
football is good"
-Jack Grealish


I take back everything I
said about Kane.
Turns out he gives good
head.


Sour Krauts!
England 2 - Germany 0


For sale. One Geman team
football shirt. Only worn
for 85 minutes.
Apply Steve Clarke
Scotland.


This feels like deja vu
France has gone home
early and left England to
deal with Germany.


After the game.

"Well Mr Beckham, you
looked a bit upset with
that brilliant result against
the old enemy"
"It wasn't the result, it was
when that fat ginger cunt
sitting next to me started
singing."


Oh happy day today
Less than 48 hours now
till the end of fucking
'Pride Month'


Xi Jinping warms up to
celebrate 100 years of
China’s communist party.
Progress has been so
impressive, that they're
still eating bats.


Somewhere in the world a
Chinese man is sitting in a
revolving chair, stroking a
bat and giggling his ultra-rich
tits off.


Evidence that Covid must
have come from China.
They’re the only people
with dicks small enough
to fuck bat's.


A Golden moment for
substitute Artem Dovbyk
scoring the winner for
Ukraine last night and
coming out as a tranny
wearing a bra in his goal
celebration.
LGBTQRSTUVWXYZ
+ groups are furious
about the yellow card for
removing his blouse.


After the Indian mutation
there's a fast spreading
new variation of Covid-19
that has caused most
state employees to phone
in sick with symptoms
today.
It's called the England
Germany variant.

[Piper]

Freed from prison and
straight on stage with his
tribute band.
'Cosby Still Noshes
Youngs'...


Serena Williams out of
Wimbledon due to an
injury from slipping on the
wet court.
Looking forward to rain
getting cancelled now so
we can get the most out
of the summer.


People are saying England
are getting off light
with the euro bracket
match ups giving them
soft competition.
Pfft, that is nothing, did
you see who Ukraine
drew?


Where does a French
soldier go on holiday?
Iran.


What's the difference
between a Nigger and a
bicycle?
... One doesn't sing 'Old
Man River' when chained
up.


There's a brothel by mine
doing a Euro 2021 theme

Spanish : You get a free
Tapas every time the girl
cums.

Swiss : Sex in a pool of
melted chocolate.

Turkish : Includes a kebab
afterwards.

Belgian : A small boy
pisses on you.

Croatian : You get brutally
gang raped by 4 soldiers
and left for dead in a. ditch.


Miles Daley 28 year old
Black tennis coach says
"Tennis is too White, Too
male and too posh"
In other news NBA 74.2 %
Black. Who do I convey my
outrage to??

[Piper]

Martin Keown, "Is there
anything better than a
good football match on a
Friday night?"
I suspect Martin has never
sniffed a few lines of coke
off an 18 year old's tits to
start a weekend off.


Ukraine hasn't surrendered
this easily since the last
invasion.


Ukraine haven't had a
meltdown this bad since
1986


The rules for players
outfits at Wimbledon
are that they should be
"predominantly white"
I assume from the original
rules in 1877 when the
players skin had to be
"predominantly white"


US 100m sprint champion
Sha' Carrie Richardson has
been disqualified from
the Olympics after testing
positive for cannabis.
If anything, they should
let her compete and give
her a head start. Last time
I got Chinese-eyed it
took me twenty minutes
to get to the fucking
kitchen.


TV presenter Ryan Clark-Neal
has revealed he has
split from his husband.
Should've gone slower and
used more lube


Rylan no longer in denial.
Bloody Cortana! Rylan no
longer in Dan Neal


I need your clothes, your
motorcycle and your
pronouns.
I'm the Transinator.


Pussy juice is like peanut
butter.
Some like it smooth,
others prefer the crunchy
variety.


When looking at the
TARDIS, most people are
mystified by how so much
can fit into such a small
space
But not the new Doctor.


Damn! I really wanted that
Race Relations Counselor
job, but I failed the
interview.
They asked what I thought
about someone being
badly treated but then
themselves behaving
badly towards other
people,
In retrospect "Clearly
two blacks don't kak
a white" wasn't the ideal
answer.


Though For Tne Day:

Did you know that falcons
usually live until they are
about 14 years of age?
That means the world’s
current population of
these were all born
after the year 2000 they
are all Millennial Falcons!


The other day I saw a
road sign that screamed,
"speed kills. "
Which is why I buy it only
from reputable dealers.


Unfortunately, I'm going to
have to get the COVID-19
jab to be able to fly.
I probably won't even need
a plane to afterwards
either.


I know TV shows are
trying to be more inclusive
by showing more blacks,
but crimewatch are taking
it a bit far ain't they.


Just watched the black
version of This Is Your
Life... Or 'Crimewatch' as
its more popularly known.


My gay son actually made
me laugh when he was
mocking that cack-handed
Loris Karius.
He said, "Oooooh, they
should instead put me
in goal... I NEVER drop a
ball!"


I thought I had turned over
to a program about the
hippopotamus but then
realised it was just Andy
Murray with his mouth
wide open after scoring a
point at Wimbledon.


A painting by Picasso that
was stolen nine years ago
during a heist at a Greek
gallery has been found.
The gallery manager said,
"I never thought to look in
the fucking bin"


Was out celebrating
England's win last night
when the mrs pointed out
some gay bloke with his
boyfriend...
She said, "that's Tom Daley
the world's champion diver"
I said, "Fuck off, there's no
way that cunt's been near
a muff."


If you hold an opened
bottle of water to your
ear....... You can hear
the sound of marketing
men pissing themselves
laughing.


"The Gypsy Kings" have all
turned queer.
Now to be renamed, "The
Nipsy Mings"


We have severe wet gale-like
conditions in the area. today
My wife's just seen a 6'6'
black guy.


How do you make a gay
man fuck a woman?
Shit in her cunt.


I was in bed with my wife
lat night.
"Are you thinking of
another woman?" she
snapped.
"Erm... of course not
babe," I replied. "What
makes you say that?"
"You have an
erection."

[Piper]

They say you shouldn’t
see the bride before the
wedding because its bad
luck.
Not for me, it wasn't
I jizzed in her twice before
the groom walked in.


Thought Of The Day :

Someone who's half black
and half white.
Shouldn't they be grey?


Isn't funny how English
words often have a
different meaning in
America.

Like, fanny means
backside in America

or,pants means trousers

or,show me your drivers
licence means. You got
less than a minute to live
Nigger.


Bad day at the ceramics
factory.
A guy got fired.


In a library :

"I'm looking for a book on
sexual innuendo"

"It'll be in soon".

"Yes, that's the one"


I got arrested during the
post match celebration
of England's victory over
Ukraine.
I saw a hot chick wearing
an England tshirt with the
words 'MOUNT' written on
the back.
And I did that.


Coffins go up in smoke
at large fire in Northern
Ireland. Eighty firefighters,
10 fire engines and four
special appliances were
at the blaze at the coffin
makers in Strabane on
Sunday afternoon. Police
say it was lucky nobody
was in

[Piper]

History is littered with
angry little despots who
can't handle not getting
their own way and take
it out on the rest of the
world.
Hitler, Mussolini, women.


Did you hear about the
suicide bomber with the
Bill Haley obsession?
Before detonating his vest,
he screamed "See you
later Allah hater"


A priest walks into a
pub and orders a pint of
Guinness.
"There you go" says the
barman. "but I warn you
we don't tolerate any
religious conversation in
this pub"
"Far be it from me", replies
the priest. "In fact, I bet
you a drink that you
mention religion before I
do."
"You're on." says the
barman.
So the priest sips at his
pint, plays a couple of
records on the juke box,
goes to the Loo, comes
back and flops his cock
out on the bar.
"Jesus Christ" says the
barman.
"Thank you," says the
priest. "I'll have a large
scotch."


When my wife came back
from work, I blindfolded
her, led her upstairs, and
span her around a few
times. We stopped and
she opened her eyes.
That gave my girlfriend
enough time to get
dressed and sneak out
through the back door.

[Piper]

I was chatting to a proper
MILF in the pub yesterday.
"I'd love to see your big
hairy cunt," I said.
"Well today's your lucky
day then," she replied.
"Really? I said, getting
excited.
" Yep. He's standing right
behind you. "


NEWS : Covid passports
at big events could save
10,000 lives, says Tony
Blair.
Presumably, because
unvaccinated Muslims
wearing rucksacks
wouldn't get in.


" Gay BBC Sports pundit
wins sex harassment
claim after male
colleagues at her previous
Network Rail job taunted
her saying she was only
a lesbian because she'd
'never had a real man'
or maybe she's never had
a real man because she's
a lesbian.


Spot the difference
between Jeremy Clarkson
and Duke Ellington.
One likes Caravan's and
the other one doesn't.


When I was told Jordan
had scored, I wondered
what the fuss was all
about.
The I realised it was a
different Jordan.


It was on tne BBC News
the other morning there
was this insufferable
black guy moaning about
"structural racism" whilst
at the same time of this
"oppression olympics"
this arse-ugly bulldyke
feminist was moaning
about being hopelessly
held back by "The
Patriarchy"
At that moment my son
said to me in the sweetest
and most truthful
innocent naivete I'd ever
heard-"Dad, why don't
They just stop whinging
and change it to how
they want, they already
completely rule and
control everything!"


"If you fucking let me stay you cunt"
and "Fucking dance little sister you
fucking slut" by Tourettes Trent
Darby...


My father used to say, "That's for me to
know and you to find out."
Great dad, fucking hopeless Detective inspector.


They say that if you rest one of your
testicles on the top of an empty beer
bottle and heat the base of the bottle
with a lighter, the testicle will eventually
be sucked inside. If anyone has
successfully reversed this process,
can you please let me know.
It's quite urgent.


As I sat there scratching
my ass, and spying on
my neighbour washing her
beaver, one thing crossed
my mind.
We have really weird pets
in my neighbourhood.


Did you hear about the gay
Bill Haley fan?
He got the choc around
his cock tonight.


Quinten Crisp and I went
for an espresso in Rome
before the match.
I said, You're loving the
weather girl. "
Quinten replied," I am, plus
Ukrainian men! Hallelujah,
Ukrainian men!! Amen! I'm
gonna go out to run and
let myself get absolutely
soaking wet! "

[Piper]

There's going to be
ugly scenes in Glasgow
tonight, whether or not
England win.
The women will be furious
when the men get home
and realise their heroin
money's been wasted on
Denmark shirts.


US Poll : 86% of Democrats
but only 45 % of
Republicans have received
at least one jab.
So, natural selection at
work?


My penis is a bit like Denmark and Spain.
It can't do better than a semi.


Denmark went down like Emma Raducanu at
Wimbledon.

[Piper]

Katie Price said if the
England team win on
Sunday, she will strip
naked, spread her legs and
all the players can enter
her.............. At the same
time.


NO SPECTATORS
ALLOWED AT TOKYO
OLYMPICS!. I’ve never
laughed so hard,. Charley
and Camilla, Wills and
Kate, Boris, Rooney,
Beckham, etc, they will
all be in at home or in the pub
watching like the rest of
us. ( Yes, pub. Camilla likes
Her pint of stout ).


BBC : UK dad saves
Unconscious daughter’s
life with mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation.
I think that’s known in the
legal profession as the
'Cosby defence.'


Famous last words -
Put your foot down driver,
these cars handle like a
dream.
Dodi Fayed.


What do you call
the authentication
information used to enter
the Danger Zone?
Kenny Log-ins.

[Piper]

Richard Branson’s space
ship travels 90km into
the atmosphere. But the
international definition
of space is 100km from
Earth. Typical Virgin, not
going all the way.


The Aborigines claim to
have been in Australia for
40,000 years.
To be honest, you'd expect
to find a bit more evidence
of than that the invention
of the stick.


My mate has Parkinson's,
loves cocaine and is a
massive England fan.
He always has three lines
on his shirt.


NEWS : Overweight people
will be given supermarket
discounts and shopping
vouchers to help them
lose weight.
That's a bit like giving Gary
Glitter faster broadband.


What do you call a
Chinese - Scottish football
fan?
Jok Wai Ning


Whoever was shining the
laser in the eye of kasper
Shemeical at Wembley
when he was trying to
save a penalty, you're
an idiot and should be
ashamed of yourself.
Next time use 2 lasers,
one in each eye


My wife's worried about
my obsession to complete
my collection of Beatles
records.
"You need help," she said.
"No I don't."... I've already
got that one. "


Organizers of the Devon
and Cornwall music
festival have been arguing
over the first act on the
main stage.
They can't decide whether
it should be Cream or The
Jam.


Last nights penalty shoot
out was doomed to fail
like comminist Russia
did...
The U. S. S. R.... Uselesss
Sancho, Saka and
Rashford.


After the match I asked
the wife if she could cheer
me up by letting me do
anal with her.
"More chance of a nigger
scoring a penalty!" was
her reply.


BLM....
Black Legs Miss


Black misses matter


Black Lives Matter
campaigners calling for
a week of looting and
rioting.
After shocking TV footage
of WHITE goalposts not
moving for 2 black men.


How ironic, England spent
The last four weeks arse
kissin ' BLM...
... only to have vital
penalties missed by
coons.


Italy have won Euro
2020, their first European
championship since
1968,beating England on
penalties after 1-1 draw
in the final at Wembley.
Boris Johnson has called
an urgent enquiry to see
if three Nigger's who
missed the penalty's are
indeed English.


Marcus Rashford MBE.
An accomplished
footballer.
A heroic and erudite
campaigner against child
poverty, homelessness
and hunger.
Didn't leave him a lot of
time for practicing his
penalty kicks though!


Cue the KFC ad
starring Rashford, Sancho
and Saka.


After watching that
penalty shootout i wonder
if Black lives still matter in
England.


"When you lived in South
Africa, what did you call
stupid black people?"
"Fucking kaffirs,". I replied.
"Now that you live in
England, what do you call
them?"
"Footballers," I said.


Look on the bright side
we don't have to endure
listening to clueless
women trying to talk
about football for another
18 months.

[Piper]

I saw a black muslim
Elvis inpersonator on an
unaired audition for BGT.
Jamal Shukup.


What's got two black eyes
and fucks niggers?
A shot-gun.


What do you get when
you cross a nigger and a
Ginger?
A Jaffa.


England world cup 2020 official song

Don't blame it on Pick Ford,

Don't blame it on Harry Kane,

Don't blame it on Maguire,

Blame it on the Nig-Nogs.

Darkies can't, Darkies can't, darkies control
their feet.

[Piper]

"I'm a believer in
affirmative action.
If there's a list for a
prominent position of
national importance, it
is important that we put
young black men high
on that list. The idea of
a meritocracy simply
entrenches white privilege
and supremacy "
"Well Mr Southgate"
replied the sports
journalist "That was
not the answer I was
expecting to the question
of why you brought on
Rashford, Sancho and
Saka to make penalties"



My mate said, "fucking
English, always going on
about 66"
I said, "C'mon mate, they
won the World Cup, that's
massive."
"No, not, that," He
replied, "fucking 1066."


There are so many
English players that
have missed crucial
penalties in shoot
outs that those of us who
haven’t will soon be a
minority.


Scottish rag, The
National, caused a bit of
a stir with their support
of Italy by printing a
picture of Roberto Mancini
depicted as William
Wallace with the caption
"We can't take another '55
years' of them banging on
about this."
William Wallace defeated
the English back
in.... em.... 1297


Traffic wardens, don't
bother putting a penalty
on Marcus Rashfords car
if it's illegally parked
He'll only miss it


Jamaica is planning to
ask the United Kingdom
for compensation for the
Atlantic slave trade.
Well, they can have three
back straight away...


After the racist comments
aimed at black English
football players it appears
there is only one way to
stop it.
Stop picking those players.


I guess Jadon Sancho
won't be taking many
penalties when he arrives
at Man united. £73M seems a
lot of money for a nigger
who can't kick a ball 12
yards?


I've been saying for years
I have a solution to stop
the racist abuse that
footballers recieve online
in an instant.
Stop blacks from taking
penalties.


Richard Branson
flew his Virgin Galactic jet
into space, but technically
he only made it to the
very edge of Space and
had only 4 minutes of
weightlessness. So if you
barely touch the edge and
last only a few minutes, I
think that’s still a Virgin.

[Piper]

I've always thought of the
Italian football team as
the Macbeth Witches
"Fair is foul and foul is
fair."


Jadon Sancho has said
that "hate" will never win.
Well, that might all depend
on if it goes down to a
penalty shootout out with
England.
In that case, I would say
"hate" has got a pretty
good bloody chance of
winning.


Jadon Sancho: England
star says "hate" will never
win.
Nor will the inability to
kick a ball. Oddly that
seems to be a condition
which only white-folk
-exhibit-aparently-


Marcus Rashford will be
missing for United for the
first few months of the
season...
Business as usual then...


Meghan Markle teams up
with Elton John's husband
David Furnish to produce
an animated Netflix series
about a '12-year-old girl
who finds inspiration in
influential women'
Are there no one's
coattails she won't ride
on?

[Piper]

48-year-old Richard Bland
won his first European
Tour title at the 478th
attempt at the British
Masters.
Still young and with
fewer tries than most
women testing for a
driving licence.


I'd be really disappointed if
the next Fast and Furious
film, isn't called "Fast 10
your seatbelts"


Jadon Sancho was due
to sign for Manchester
United today but he had
nothing to write with.
I threw him a pen but he
missed it.


Gillian Anderson says
she's never going to wear
abra again.
Away to go Gillian.
You've got my full support.


Cressida Dick is made
a Dame Commander by
Prince Charles.
Similarly, Saka, Rashford,
and Sancho are made
knight commanders.


300 ticketless fans
entered Wembley via a
disabled entrance for
England's Euro Final on
Sunday.
When asked by the
police how it happened,
a steward said, "we
honestly thought they
were genuinely disabled,
as they were all wearing
Spurs shirts."


Got beat up at Rashford
Mural. I only shouted to
artist Akse "It's very apt
that you missed a bit.


If TV and social media has
taught us one thing about
football in 2021...
You can't BLAME a BAME


Rashford, Saka and
Sancho played well for
their country. It's a pity
Rashford was playing for
St Kitts, Saka was playing
for Nigeria and Sancho
was playing for Trinidad.

Headline : England fan
who put lit flare up bum
and stormed Wembley
says, "I'm not sorry"
One of his friends
commented that he was a
bit of an arsehole.
Another added "Yes, he's
got a flair for it."


How things change. Saka,
Rashford and Sancho all
missed penalties, and now
people are saying that
niggers don't belong in the
field.


"hey Mr tambourine man
play a song for me"
What, on a fucking
tambourine?


If you had Velcro shoe
laces when you were a
kid. Be rest assured your
parents gave up on you at
an early age.

[Piper]

Officials are calling for a
ban on people who take
cocaine from entering
football grounds, after
loads of drugged up fans
invade Wembley without
tickets. It's a bit harsh, if
they've bought cocaine
how are they meant to
have money left for
tickets?


Scientists have discovered
that it is possible to
survive entering a black
hole.
Just be sure to wear a
condom.


My gay friend went to
have his covid vaccination.
When they told him that it
will be a jab in the arm he
said that he would prefer a
prick in the bum.


My big fat wife and
daughter unbelievably
confronted me with an
ultimatum today to get the
vaccine and said if I don't
they will no longer 'come
near me or spend time
with me!'
"Fuck, this is just by far
the best day of the year"


"Daddy" my daughter
said to me, "why is the
golf tournament on tv
called The Open?" I said
"Because it is open to
all the best players" she
replied, "why are there
no women in it dad?"
"Woman are all rubbish at
driving my darling."


The problem : Blacks are
reluctant to get the jab.
The solution : Tell them
they've immune from
paying child maintenance.


Stephen Fry once
described watching the
2005 Ashes as turning his
"bowels to water."
Yeah I don't think it was
anything to do with cricket
mate...


UK government had
announced plans to
incidents of racism online.
From 1 August there will
be a month long Amnesty
to return any stolen IT
equipment.
Boris famous for his 3
word slogans believes the
No, Internet, Nigger
Campaign will end internet
racism complaints.


Apparently, racist abuse
of footballers online will
trigger a ban on attending
matches.
Brilliant idea, that. I
imagine it would be easy
to enforce as well.
The person working the
ticket booth at Wembley
sees a bloke with a KKK
hat approaching the
stadium.
When he gets to the
booth the worker says,
"Hello, sir are you one of
those racists that abused
Rashford, Saka and /or
Sancho online?"
"No..."
"OK, come on in and enjoy
the game"