What's your sickest joke?

[Piper]

The NATO phonetic
alphabet is used to
identify new variants
of Covid-19 because
describing them after the
nationally of origin could
lead racism.
But what if the ninth new
variant comes from India
and the twenty-fifth one
comes out of the United
States?


BBC world service : North
Korea issues warning on
music citizens should
listen to.
Which leaves the question
dangling. Blur or Oasis?


The England fan who
stuck a flare up his arse
at the Euro final has been
described in the news as
'not the brightest spark'
They obviously didnt see
the footage.


Ordered some items from
Wish last year and they
still haven't arrived.
They should change their
name to You Wish.


Figures.... only black guy
You've got that can take a
penalty is Lewis Hamilton.


Have you noticed how
many Formula one drivers
have names linked to
Scottish Towns?
Stirling Moss.
Lewis Hamilton.
Eddie Irvine.
Ayr Town centre...


Reports of Stephen
Hawking having another
relationship with a
Black nurse tells me he
definitely had a thing for
Black holes.


Kieran O'Connor
Des O'Connor, Tom
O'Connor...
I reckon Sinéad should
start putting her affairs in
order.

[Piper]

Dear England team.

I'm an American lady so
I don't really understand
your Limey soccer, but I
was tremendously upset
by the overt racism shown
by so-called fans after the
final.

I was moved to tears by
the ceremony before each
match where your players
-both black and white -
made a touching gesture
asking for justice, a
position always favoured
by my own wrongly-
convicted son.

Yours faithfully
Mrs Chauvin USA.


Fellow racists to avoid
detection online can
I suggest we use
acronyms.
Indian - Tanned White And
Turban now a twat
Pakistani - Corner Using
Nations Trade cunt
African - Normally In Gaol
Goes Everywhere Robbing
and Stabbing - that won't
work
African wants our Goods
-still won't work.
Can anyone Find Fucking
African Response.


Kids nowadays have to
be double-jabbed to go
clubbing.
I know girls who used to
go clubbing to be double-jabbed.


Does anyone else who
watches Long Lost Family
on ITV, have the same
concern that Black people
are underrepresented?


"Abortion is wrong"

"My baby, my choice... By
the way you can't come in
here without a mask"

"My body, my choice"

"But you could kill an
innocent person"

"Check mate"


Everton FC have
announced they've made
a huge mistake in signing
Andros Townsend.
It was Pete they were
actually looking at.


When asked what his
favourite all-time tune was
Prince Harry replied :
Under Your Thumb, Godley
& Creme.


Wolf whistling and catcalling become crimes
to bring an end to 'public sexual harassment.'
So, only pelvic thrusts from now on.


I'm looking forward to
watching the football
at the Olympics. I heard
Rashford, Sancho and
Saka are all in the team. . .
Did I say Olympics? I
meant paralympics.

[Piper]

"Prince Harry under fire
for 'grotesque' 20M book
deal"
There wouldn't have
been so much outrage if
he hadn't called it "The
Ginger Prince And His Bed
Wench"


The Duke of Sussex, 36,
on Monday confirmed the
forthcoming release of his
autobiography, which he
has collaborated with a
ghostwriter.
Prince Andrew was
unavailable for a
comment.


News Headline :
"John Bishop of Dr. Who
fame in car crash avoiding
big chicken"
I expect that his big hen
bearing was the cause.


Feminist. If you hate men
so much, why do you look,
dress and act like us?


I like trout but I don't like
rainbow trout.
That's for the LGTB +
community.


BBC : Marcus Rashford
defends charity deals over
profit claims
Marcus Cashford?


In the 1961 film El Cid
the Iconic sea fortress
of Valencia was filmed
further down the coast of
the town of Peniscola...
Also famed for creating
an unsuccessful rival
brand to Coke and Pepsi.

[Piper]

Top Tip... two hits off a
crackpipe will get you into
outer space longer than
Jeff Bezos rocket.


What a waste of money..

What the hell were the
Japanese thinking,
sacking their Olympic
ceremony director for
antisemitic behaviour..?
It's still the transfer
window and the Labour
Party would've gladly paid
good money for him.


Prince Harry's latest book
deal to include a book for
children. Suggested titles?

G is for Ginger

The Black Princess and
The Magical Vagina

Who's My Daddy?

Grandma doesn’t like
Nignogs

The Whitest Witch of
Buckingham

Black Oprah wants to help


Sport's-Paralympics -

Because of covid the
Aussies and kiwis have
Pulled out of some egg
chasing world cup thingy
that I hadn't a clue was
about to happen here in
England.
Apparently It's the less
popular form of egg
chasing so far literally the
dozen or so people in the
UK who will disappointed
I send my heart felt
condolences.


New Zealanders, if you
hate being mistaken for
Australians so much, why
don't you just stop talking
like them.

[Piper]

I'm not saying Mick
Jagger's getting on a bit,
but he's bringing out a new
single called Hey, You Get
Off My Lawn.


Have you heard a certain very.
famous British model
is actually the offspring
of an affair between her
mother and Mick Jagger?
Personally, I don’t believe
it.
A Rolling Stone fathers no
Moss.


Mick Jagger is turning 78.
Just think in another
ten years time. "If My
calculations are correct.
When this baby hits 88
miles per hour, you've
gonna see some serious
s***"


I've got one of those
smart watches and it just
vibrated and read 'isn't it
time for a walk' ........
..... and what with my poor
eyesight I was sitting at my
desk with my trousers
round my ankles and the
tissues out........


BREAKING NEWS : Harry
will write FOUR books.
In an interview Harry said, I
am really looking forward
to writing this trilogy "


Driving Fast and Furious?
That's Ludacris.


The Tokyo Olympics
should be abandoned
because drug abuse is
rife.
It became immediately
obvious at the opening
ceremony, when the
athletes started waving
to the crowd in a empty
stadium.


China's Yang Qian won
the first gold medal of the
Tokyo Olympics, in the
women's 10m air rifle.
She did well to hold a gun
that long


My gay son recently
joined the Army because
They're now advertising
themselves as much more
"woke" and gay-friendly,
and also my gay son said
he wants to be just like his
"hero" Prince Harry!
and it seems the little
faggot is actually getting
his wish... he elated
on the first day of training
the officers already told
him that as an LGBTQ he's
a "protected class" and
like Prince Harry he's also
"much too precious to
ever actually see combat"


My Ducky Dennis will soon
be patrolling the streets
of Brighton as a special
constable.
He wont be allowed to
pack a big truncheon,
However I will look
forward to ironing his
uniform and give a lot of
attention when it comes
to polishing his helmet.
Oooooooh


Just had at thing come up
on my phone.
Emmerdale : Meena plays
with Leanna's ring.
Don't remember seeing
that episode.


Pikeys from the halting
site on the outskirts of
town are holding their own
Olympics.

1.( Bear knuckle ) boxing,
where they wear paws
of a grizzly.

2. Rowing. All have
practice, especially at
weddings.

3.Road race. Who can lay
the least tarmac then run
away the quickest.

4 Fencing. Who can sell
the most stolen chattels.

5.Hammer. Who can nail
hitting their opponent
hardest in the head with
it

6.Shooting.Rival drug
gangs.

7.Curling.Ohe off
competition.

8.Biathlon.For curious
cousins.

9.Triple jump. Three
brothers fucking the
younger sister.

No doubt all will be able
to steal a podium place and
a medal.



Former Ireland
international Neil Franics
has been sacked for his
"offensive" description
of British Lion's fly-half
Marcus Smiths skin
colour.
Francis described smith
as having "an Oompa
Loompa tan" which
caused widespread
outrage on social media
platforms
When asked for his
thoughts, a leading
member of the Oompa
Loompa community
commented, "Oompa
Loompa doompety doo
I'm not sure I understand
What all the fuss is
about, do you? Oompa
Loompa doompety dee.
Do these melts not realise
we are entirely fictional
characters who have no
need for anyone to take
offensive on our behalf
over a comment which
was, let's be honest,
intended as a joke rather
than any perceived racial
slur. It's all a bit mad
really "

[Piper]

Mick Jagger is 78 today.
At this point, the devil has
sympathy for him.


Serial nonce R Kelly is
facing fresh allegations of
sexual assault against a
young boy in McDonald's.
Apparently he exposed
himself through his Big
Mac.


That Prince Andrew bloke
has to be the luckiest
fucker on Earth. Born into
obscene wealth, nothing
but the best, the pick of
the world's women, ( mind
you, he married a minger )
protected from harm in
his army days, got away
with shagging kids, but
the fucking clincher, 100
degree temps out there
and the cunt doesn't
sweat.


Here I am sitting on the
decking sweating like a
priest at choir practice
thinking what a jammy fkr
Prince Andrew is not being
able to sweat in this heat.

[Piper]

Good on Tom Daley
winning a gold medal in
the diving as we know he's
not going to win prizes for
muff diving anytime soon.


Well done Tom Daley on
getting gold.
He usually only aims for
the bronze.
Ooooooooohhhh


Tom Daley should've been
a boxer. He can still take
a dive and get battered in
the ring.


Never realised how
much Joey Barton and
Giggs have in common.
Big house, flash cars,
money, hot girlfriends,
beating them up, physical
and mental abuse. Only
difference real difference
is Giggs was a footballer
and won 34 trophies.


Katie Price visited my
shop this morning. She'd
seen a ping-pong act in
a Bangkok nightclub and
wanted to recreate it for
her latest boyfriend.
Sold her my entire stock
of beach balls.


The Olympics are being
shown late at night, so
last night at 3 am. I tried
to convince my wife I was
on the computer watching
diving.

[Piper]

* DAILY MAIL *
'Should men be BANNED
from outside women's
fitting rooms? Woman
whose teenage daughter
felt uncomfortable during
her first bra fitting claims
it's' inappropriate ' for men
to linger'
I disagree with this, she
would never have known she
needed the next size up if I
hadn't of said anything.


I think the rules of
women's Olympics
volleyball it's, first cum first
serve.


Just been watching the
ladies weight lifting from
the Olympics.
The UK girl has a lovely
snatch.


Just read the headline
that pink is to pay
handball bikini bottom
fines.. Very disappointed when
I read the story, I thought
she'd been caught sniffing
them or something.

[Piper]

ZZ Top Bassist Dusty
Hill has died. I guess he's
been Eliminated.


Dusty Hill... Eliminated.


Report : Olympics wants
to cancel "sexualisation"
of attractive female
athletes.
I don't think they're going
to achieve much, I've even
had a couple of wanks
that I'm quite unproud of
to Laurel Hubbard.

[Piper]

I was going to go see The
Eagles, but I gave them
the bird.


R. I. P Dusty Hill...
Ashes to ashes, funk to
funky.
We know Dusty Hill was
never a junkie.
Not with that beard
anyhow...


Just seen that Charlotte
Dujardin with all her
medals pinned on.
I thought she was a
Korean General.


A further 30 black
students starting at
Cambridge over the next
three years will have their
university costs covered
as part of a scheme by the
rapper Stormzy.
I was unaware that
Cambridge required more
toilet cleaners?...


A new study has
surprisingly revealed that
the English city with the
highest - earners under the
age of 30 is not London,
but Liverpool.
Fuck me, the value of
copper wiring and car
radios must have gone up
recently.


I was watching the end of
the Cardiff to Tenby cycle
ride once and a woman
pulled up by me having
just finished the ride and
said to this guy that after
the ride she didn't have a
hair left on her fanny.
I said, "prove it."

True story.


Jodie Whittaker is to quit
Dr Who after becoming
the first female to play the
main role in the show.
Subtitles will be a must
when John Bishop
appears on Dr Who.......


I just got an uber or as
your mum likes to call it, a
hard on.


So Simon Cowell is
scrapping The X Factor
after 17 years.
About time Simon. We've
been telling you this for 17
years.


Simon Cowell has
announced that The X
Factor will be brought to a
close because he doesn't
want it to become a joke.
That horse has not only
bolted,. Charlotte Dujardin
has just won her 6th
Olympic medal on it.


I was listening to the
radio in the early hours
of the morning. The guy
was saying how the cox
was increasing the stroke
from 39 to 42 a minute.
I thought I could beat
that and felt quite proud
of myself. As this went
on for three minutes I
realised I couldn't have
kept it up for so long
and felt deflated. When
he said the French was
slipping a length behind
I turned the radio off. Filthy
buggers. Shouldn’t have
that on the radio, kids might
be listening.


The head of the Somali
Olympic squad has
apologised to officials on
behalf of their team, after
realising shooting and
sailing were two separate
events.

[Piper]

The BBC presenter said
that BMX riders are
incredibly fit.
I agree.
I've lost count of the
number of times I shot
my load watching Nicole
Kidman in BMX Bandits.


At the closing ceremony
of the Olympics it's been
suggested that Tom Daley
dives into five different
coloured rings.
Somehow I can't see him
having a problem with
that.


There has been a lot of
speculation about whether
Tom Daley is the bummer
or the bummee. I think
'hubby' just answered this
when he said, "I had Tom
daily and it made my hole
weak."


New dating app for Indian
people.
Swipe and sniff.


Caitlyn Jenner on NBC
telling us she's loving the
Olympics, specially the
rowing.
So it's cockless
watching the coxless.


The Japanese
embarrassingly forgot the
name of a GB athlete at
Tokyo 2020.
Ujah Thinkheis?


You know the Olympics is
being held in Japan when
the top three athletes are
handed rising sunflowers
at the medal ceremony
and the digital Tokyo
Philharmonic Orchestra
plays all other countries
national anthems
incorrectly.


Just ate some peppered
mackerel. My fingers
smell like Paula
Ratcliffe's knickers after a
marathon....


Carrie Johnson reveals
she is expecting a
'rainbow' child with PM
sounds like Boris is
already trying to get the
LGBTQ + vote at the next
election.


Katie Price is apparently
having another facelift!
Bit of a risk.... The one
underneath might be
uglier than the fucker
she's already got!


The worry for female
athletes used to be : "will
I be on my period during
competition"
Now it's will my balls
pop out of these skimpy
shorts "


How does Prince Andrew
get into parties?
He says the Royal Mail
has a small package for
the birthday girl.


Football is the biggest
load of shit I've ever seen.
If I wanted to spend hours
watching a load of black
people passing a bit of
leather to each other I'd
visit a Nigerian prison
camp.


Ironic isn't it! All those
number ones Elvis had in
his life... and he ended up
dying on a number two!!

[Piper]

They showed Tom Daley
at the Olympics.
There is a real knitting
Nancy.


Over in Tokyo, it’s the
men's gymnastics Rings
finals.
No surprise to see Tom
Daley sniffing around.


Now there's even more
opportunity for every little
girl who ever dreamed
of winning a gold medal.
They'll just have to grow
some balls.


Transgender weightlifter
Laurel Hubbard is out of
the Olympics.
She failed to produce a
valid snatch.


Seen the first trans gender
athlete at the Olympics
today win a gold medal.
Just shows that men are
better at everything, even
women's sport.


Just seen that kiwi
transgender weightlifter
Laurel Hubbard on the
news...
Don't know about Laurel
the fat fucker looks more
like Hardy to me.


US shot putter Raven
Suanders has been
accused of breaking
Olympic rules by making
a political gesture on
the podium, lifting her
arms above her head and
forming an X with her
wrists.
Asked what that meant
she told reporters : "It's the
intersection of where all
people who are oppressed
meet. She added " Let
them try and take this
medal.
IOC: "We'll take that thank
you."


Three Jamaicans have
just taken Gold, Silver
and Bronze medals at the
Olympics. The winners of
medals have reported
it to the police.


BBC NEWS : Professional
footballers more likely to
suffer from dementia
Which is handy if you need
to forget about missing a
penalty kick.


Carrie Symonds says she
is having a Rainbow Child!
Why the hell not! We've
got every fucking colour
under the sun here these
days anyway.


'Rolf Harris merchandise
still being sold on Amazon
7 years after he was jailed
for abusing young girls'
I wonder if it says "Can
you tell me what it is yet?"
before you open the
package.


Just listening to Bruce
Springsteen's song 'Glory
days' and I can't help but
think that he was singing
about the good old times
when we were allowed to hate
niggers...


Steve McQueen’s 'Bullitt'
1968 Mustang GT sold for
$3,400,000 at an American
auction house.
They don't Mecum like
they used to.

[Piper]

All this olympics
transgender shite can
be solved in one quick
question!
'Would I fuck it?'
If the answer is no, you’re
still too much of a bloke!
Simples!


That transgender
weightlifter will never rest
on her laurels.
Just her arse and bollocks.


BBC News : "Transgenger
athlete Laurel Hubbard out
of the Olympics."
Such a shame. She
worked her bollocks off to
get there.


Just watched three very fit
UK athletes racing in the
women's 800m race on
TV. It was close, and my
attention was repeatedly
tested, but did anybody
else have a personal best
for getting off in under 2
minutes?


"Footballs must be sold
with cigarette-style
warnings over players"
dementia risk, study says.
If you're trying to smoke
a football, it's probably
too late for the dementia
warning.


Iceberg wall collapse
causes injuries at Titanic
museum.
You couldn't make this up.


What's a purl necklace?
Tom Daley's boyfriend's
looming massive let down.


A terrorist had just
managed to detonate
a bomb right inside the
home of Elton John.
Reports say after
the incident he's still
standing..


Evidence proves the virus
that caused the Covid-19
pandemic leaked from a
Chinese research facility
said a report by the USA.
Now America plans to
make a documentary
about the origins
of Covid-19 called
unmasking the truth...


Harry's many lavish gifts
to Meghan on her 40th
birthday include some
of Diana's jewels that
"caused a royal row".
... Since when was Harry
in possession of Dodi
Fayed's balls?

[Piper]

That transgender
weightlifter will never rest
on her laurels.
Just her arse and bollocks.


BBC News : 'Transgenger
athlete Laurel Hubbard out
of the Olympics.'
Such a shame. She
worked her bollocks off to
get there.

[Piper]

The International Olympic
committee made the
decision to add new
sports to the 2021 Tokyo
Olympics. It approved the
addition of five sports -
baseball, softball, karate,
stakebroading, sport
climbing, and surfing.
The Olympic Committee
has agreed on three new
sports for Paris, Musical
chairs, and Snap...


The Paris Olympic
committee has
announced that the 100m
dash will be replaced by
the 100 mile flee.


"This dressage stuff is
ridiculous. Some posh tart
taking all the credit for an
animal's hard work. You
should have put that gold
medal round the horse's
neck."
"To be honest I thought I
had."


According to BBC Sport,
Holly Bradshaw had one
of the best jumps of her
life today.
Quite a memorable day for
the young lady, who also
won a bronze medal in the
pole vault.


After earning yet another
medal this Olympics,
the US Women's football
team have reportedly set
their sights on something
they haven't been able to
accomplish yet.
Beating a team of 14 year old
boys.


Brittany Spears has
been posting pictures of
her baps on her public
accounts and there isn't
even a paywall.
I am starting to support
her cause #freetitty.


Why is everyone
bothered about a man
competing in women's
weightlifting? I thought
women were designed for
lifting iron.


I heard that Prince Andrew
has started learning Thai.
He must be planning to
visit a brothel.