What's your sickest joke?

[Piper]

DIsney opposes Florida's
"Don't Say Gay" anti-grooming
statue
A new statement has
been released from Disney
that, "This doesn't even
have anything to do with
Wokeness, but this will cut
nearly 100 % of the ticket
sales to our theme park of
adult men that visit solo."


Huffington Post _Florida
VS. Disney in anti-LGBTQ
fight, Ron DeSantis pokes
the Mouse!
Mickey must be one
of the %50 of Disney
characters that are now
LGBTQ

[Bikkie]

Quinten always takes a tub of Vaseline when he goes Cruising.
It guarantees a smooth passage.



I was worried that unfunny, Brummie coon, Lenny Henry had moved in next door, but it turns out I'd just misunderstood when the wife said that the new neighbour was fucking French.


I've decided to identify as black.

It's just that the bitch I'm having an affair with is pregnant and I don't want anything to do with it


Netflix stock price drops %35 and puts the future of the streaming service in jeopardy, in a decline that some ascribe to "nothing but uber-woke programming"

It seems as if giving a $150 million grant to Harry and Meghan, two toffs who have never worked a day in their lives, this kind of budget so they can tell "people's real stories," has hilariously backfired like the karma it is.



Ironically, blonde isn't usually very bright.



News: UK woman aged 102, credits her health to "Jager bombs, tequila and pizza."

Prince Charles: "OK mum, ready for bed?'



When she was my girlfriend she was my co-pilot.

Now that she's my wife she's my Alexa on everything...



Mike Tyson is NOT a big fan of religion. The Jehovahs Witness sitting near him on the JetBlue flight was preaching at him endlessly. He finally lost it and punched him in the FAITH, multiple times.



There is now a new dating app.

Where they match you based on your medication...



I don’t want Boris Johnson to resign or be removed.
Nor Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump or Joe Biden.

Imagine if we had competent, well adjusted and non-corrupt politicians...

What would we do for laughs and entertainment?



Sir David Attenborough named champion of the earth by the UN.

What a load of bollocks, even I could knock that old cunt out



This is a message to the teacher who said that I'd never amount to anything.

That was just a lucky guess bitch.



I had a dream last night that women ran the world and finally got equality in every aspect of life.

Well it was more of a nightmare actually.



I was late for work today as this black lady in the queue in front of me at Shell was getting "the works."

- Lottery, scratch cards, cigarettes, expensive liquor from the locked cabinet, etc.



[Dating]

Women: *shave legs. do hair. Makeup. new shoes. matching purse. perfume*

Men: Getting the beer stains out of the front of this shirt...





married woman caught cheating "thrashed by 15 men until she lost consciousness"...I wonder what her punishment was



My daughter's black boyfriend unbelievably says he's now going to try and attend university.

"Dis petty crime is getting me nowheres... I's got to learn some corporate white-collar type of fraud."



Bloody wife's put a lock on the internet and I can't access any porn, so I've got nothing to masturbate to except an old Bon Jovi album cover.

It's a tough wank, but whoooaa oohh, I'm halfway there. . .



Went into a shop called 'We Can Make Any Sandwich You Want' and asked for an elephant's tongue sandwich

"Sorry Sir, we can't do that" they said

"and why not?" I said, smugly

"We've run out of bread".

[Piper]

I don't see how Angela
Rayner spreading her legs
in Parliament would put
anyone off.
One more cunt on display
isn't going to make any
difference.



Boris Johnson has
admitted he is distracted
when Angela Rayner
crossed her legs, he said it
reminded of him catching
a glimpse of his reflection
in the mirror.


Angela Rayner, obviously
the leg crossing isn't
working, it's time to go for
the icepick.


In a vile display of
misogyny by the gutter
press, Angela Rayner has
been cruelly accused of
crossing and uncrossing
her legs Sharon Stone
style in Parliament to
distract the PM. The issue
raises a fundamental
question.
Where's the footage?


Angela Rayner has been
acussed of Basic Instinct
tactics to distract Boris
Johnson at PMQ's
To be fair to Boris I'd
distract me too getting
a glimpse of her sweaty
balls hanging out of her
knickers.


Angela Rayner condemns
'perverted' claim she
distracts Boris Johnson
at PMQ's with 'Basic
Instinct ploy' by crossing
and uncrossing her legs
as she can’t compete
with Boris's Oxford Union
debating training
possibly a challenging
mass debate.


With the global energy
crisis in full swing isn't it
time we refined the term
"essential oils"?


Not just spelling and
grammar, Google will
now warn you for using
politically incorrect words.
Well.... that's certainly
put the finger in the dyke.


BREAKING NEWS : Actor
Bill Murray has been
accused of "inappropriate
behaviour"...
Actor Bill Murray has been
a cussed of "inappropriate
behaviour"...
Actor Bill Murray has been
accused of "inappropriate
behaviour"...
Actor Bill Murray has been
accused of "inappropriate
behaviour"...
Actor Bill Murray has been
accused of "inappropriate
behaviour"...


Twitter Co-founder, Elon
Musk has bought Twitter.


Elton Musk bought
Twitter for £44 billion!
Doesn’t the stupid cunt
know he can get it for free
on the AppStore?


Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez
to newly unionised
Amazon workers ; victory
is "just the beginning"
It's quite rich coming
from a cover model
who sold them out and
wouldn't give them the
time-of-day for years until
now.

[Piper]

What do gay people call
piles?
Speed bumps.


My gay son is set to make
his acting debut in the
new Tolkien reboot.
The little faggot is already
the "Lord of the Ring."


My blonde daughter fell in
love with a brickie just to
get laid.


I bumped into my Partially
Deaf mate in town and
asked.. "How's it going
mate?"
"Not great." He replied... "I
was on my way to the big
rock show at Wembley
last night when the glass
fell out the front of my
car."
"Loose windscreen"?
"No" he answered... "The
Rolling Stones."


In these times of squeeze
and hardship it was a
great relief when our little
one litre Vauxhall Corsa
passed the MOT test
without any issues.
Normally we put a couple
of hundred quid aside
for any work, that needs
doing. In fact we were so
pleased we've put a few
quid to the money we put
aside and will fill it up with
petrol.


My gay son has decided
to team up with an
aspiring singer-songwriter
to try as a duo to get
further past the X-Factor
auditions.
"You have no talent, what
do you bring to the table?"
"He writes the songs, I
lick the dongs."

[Piper]

Diego Maradona's 1986 World Cup match-shirt
has sold for £7.1million today ; it
must had some cocaine still
in the collar.

[Piper]

So the new Doctor Who
is a nigger. Who stole the
tardis, Who stole our past,
present and future..


At last, the BBC finally get
something right.
A Black guy in a Police
building.


Can't wait for it :
Doctor Who and the Darkies


The new Doctor Who will
be the first black man to
exit a police box uninjured.


That's all we need in
space another big black
hole

[Bikkie]

What does a fish like to smoke?
Sea weed.

How do you stop smoking sea weed?
Sea kelp.

I'll grab my raincoat.



BBC: Prime Minister found to be lying, he therefore must go

BBC: New Doctor Who chosen solely for his acting abilities and suitability to the role





The BBC have ruined Doctor Who by appointing Ncuti Gatwa as the new Time Lord.
He will only be able to travel forward into the future as everyone knows, once you go black, you can never go back.




Getting an unwanted erection is bad enough at the best of times, but in prison it's a real pain in the arse.



We were watching this black magician, and he was good.

"Just watch this now, " I said, "he'll disappear into thin air and never be seen again and become famous and a mystery. "

"How do you know this?" replied my missus.

"I've just told him his girlfriend is pregnant, " I answered.




I asked my blonde daughter why she was sniffing artificial sweetener.

She thought it was diet coke.

Credit: Some cunt with nothing better to do




Dr Who lands on Uranus, not for the first time lover......



From Doctor Ho.....
to Doctor Coon.



Me: Mum, I'm going to my girlfriend's.

Mum: Use protection.

Me: I'm 15.

Mum: I'm 30.

Me: ...

Mum: ...



Loving someone who doesn't love you is like waiting for a ship at an airport.



Just watched that documentary about the guy who grew a new penis on his arm.

They missed a trick not calling the show Handcock's Half Hour.



If you have a girlfriend you live with and hear a noise outside at night and are too scared to go, just be like "I told this girl to leave me alone!" and she'll always get up and check for you.

Stay toxic.



Condoms in Barnsley are like the Sun newspaper in Liverpool

Outlets may stock them, but no one ever buys them



The new Dr. Who has been cast as black as these coloured types know their way around a large box called the Tardis.

Also known as my wife's vagina.



My Dad?s motto through life was "Always leave them wanting more."

Great man. Terrible anaesthetist.



To promote equality Arsenal have announced that they are forming a gay football team.

The official name will be "Upthearsenal" but fans are expected to call them by their nickname of "The rear Gunners"




Doctor Who Dat?




That's the last time i call the cocaine addiction help centre. They told me they were busy and to try another line!



Paddy: "I hate this country."

Murphy: "Why?"

Paddy: "Everyone complains about the weather but no one does anything about it."



People think I'm upset about having a small penis, but the joke is on them

Because I hate to see women enjoying themselves



Dr Who my daddy?


Women: "Grown men", why are you still playing videogames?

Men: Same reason you wear makeup - nice little escape from reality.



Amazing how people say they won?t watch women?s football because the standard is so low, but they?ll still watch the Man Utd men?s team??



It's a Muslim tradition that Jihadists get 40 virgins when they go to heaven. Further research reveals that it may have been a mis-translation and in fact they get "40 Camels". Further research has revealed that Muslims don't care one way or the other.

[Bikkie]

I used to date a Jewish girl, but it didn't end too well.

One time I invited her round to my place for a curry.

She turned up and said, 'How's dinner coming along?'

I replied, 'Well, I've just put your Naan in the oven.'



'...Can't see what all the fuss is about;
The first black Doctor.

I haven't seen a white Doctor for 30-years.'




My heavily pregnant wife surprised me this morning. After mentioning a few gentle contractions she had during the night she said "working class people are racist" and struggled when I asked her what a woman was.

Looks like she's finally going into Labour.



My wife said she wanted to try a Rampant Rabbit in the bedroom.

So I got Flopsy out of his hutch and gave him a line of speed.




News: 500kg of cocaine found in coffee shipment to Nespresso factory.

I'm going to miss my "flat white" every morning.



I'll never forget the day I met Ugly Spice.

"I'm actually fucking called Scary Spice," said Mel B, the day I torpedoed both my long-shot chances with her and my fucking X-Factor audition.

[Bikkie]

Actress Zoe Wanamaker is 73 today.
I almost Wanamaker a birthday
cake.
Then smear it all over my
cock and balls and make
her lick it off as I shove 73
candles up her arse whilst
singing "Happy birthday to
you"




I went speed dating the
other day.It was going
well until the speed kicked
in and then I just started
talking absolute bollocks!




I've been trying to contact
TOTO support for 2 days
now but can never get
through to someone.
Every time you call up it
just tells you to hold the
line.

[Bikkie]

After failing to address Parliament,the Queen has
recovered sufficiently to
attend the Royal Windsor
Horse Show.
To be fair,she doesn't
often get to see Anne and
Camilla.


I'm chilling with the Wife tonight.

I've switched the central heating off !!




It took me a few attempts to get today's five letter Wordle solution, but I got there in the end...
'Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis'



Madonna: Fans baffled by pop star?s 3D model of her vagina in new series of NFTs.

To be honest i thought it was a bit bizarre & thought I accidentally tuned into the making of the channel tunnel

[Bikkie]

You've got to feel sorry for parents these days. They've got to explain all about the birds and the bees, the birds and the birds, the bees and the bees, the birds that used to be bees that still like birds, the bees that used to be birds that actually prefer bees, the birds that have stripes like a bee but can't make up their mind whether they are a bird or a bee and the bees that now look like birds but still have a little prick.


A convertible roof is a bit like foreskin.

Pull it back & you?ll see a bellend.

Do Amish women know it?s a romantic candlelit dinner or figure it's just a regular dinner?


I've just started a business serving refreshments on board a cruise liner. Teas and seas apply



Blackpool f.c have really improved on their keepy uppies recently. It must be all the practice they're doing in the shower with the soap


Robin Hood: - "Fuck me that Marian looks pure filth. I bet she'd be well up for taking it up the shitter in that forest nearby, wouldn't you?"

Friar Tuck: - "Sherwood"

Robin Hood - "Yeah well tough shit I saw her first"

Jake Daniels has been very vocal about being gay

However, he is less forthcoming as to why the fuck we all need to know



I was going to go and watch jake Daniels playing for Blackpool but there's no tickets left. Bummer



Note to the clubbers of Blackpool:

Backs against the walls when Jake Daniels turns 18.


I'm sure Jake Daniels would rather be the Blackpool goalie than a forward.

He'd have 10 arseholes in front of him then.



Blackpool FC have just said that they won't be taking the knee next season, except for Jake Daniels who has announced that he will be taking both knees.


Ritchie Blackmore from Rainbow: I drink Jack Daniels and head bang to hard rock.
Ritchie Rainbow from Blackpool: I drink Jake Daniels and head bang his hard cock.


Apparently with all the media attention this gay footballer is getting Victoria Beckham has been following her husband around the house for the past two days yelling "Don't even think about it!"



Life Hack: If you type ?I?m out with the lads in Blackpool drinking Jack Daniels,? be sure to turn off predictive texting.



Well now we know?pre-game support for BLM isn?t the only time on a Saturday Jake Daniels takes a knee.


I'd like to start the ball rolling by offering my support and congratulations to the first, brave, professional female 'footballer' who openly admits she's straight.


Now that Jake Daniels has come out it adds new meaning to the terms "Man On" & "I'm Sticking You Up Front"



Maybe now some of the women footballers will have the courage and bravery to come out as Straight.



When Jake Daniels is in space on the wing will he shout "I'm free"?


Blackpool's Jake Daniels is a secret gooner.

He loves it up the Arsenal.



Jake Daniels has been talking about his favourite kind of tackle.

It's when he can go sliding in from behind.



Jake Daniels said he always watched England play football especially when seaman passed to Butt.



Blackpool F.C (faggot club)




If quintencrisp was Blackpool's manager he'd definitely pull Jake Daniels off at half time



I reckon Newcastle United fc should all come out as gay, the way they shafted Arsenal fc last night.




England's 1st gay professional footballer says "its his dream to play for Arsenal".


England's 1st gay professional footballer says he loves to get stuck into the opposition.



2 things not to say in Blackpool's player lounge..

1- bottoms up.
2 - can I push your stool in.




In 2013...

"Hello Mrs. Daniels, is Jake coming out?"

"Fuck off Johnny, he likes girls."



Well done Jake Daniels for showing that every category of person is welcome in modern day football.

Such as egotistical "look at me!!" woke cunts.




Every Championship manager's team talk next season ...

"OK lads, we're up against Blackpool tonight and Jake Daniels is playing up front for them, so it looks like we'll have to keep things tight at the back"

[Bikkie]

Queen and Adam Lambert to perform at Jubilee concert.

Funny how her mobility issues are forgotten when it's an event she can actually be bothered attending.



Having a candlelit dinner with the wife tonight.

The electric bill's just arrived.



British couple Joe and Jess Thwaite winners of ?184,000,000 on the Euro are going to pay their quarterly electricity bill first then share out the thousand pound that's left with their family.



Prince Phillip snacked on a beaver tail in Ottawa, Canada.
First piece of tail in how long?



In the news:

The Americans have confessed to having recorded 400 different instances of UFOs bugging their country

Hollywood have said that none of those movies were in production yet, so how did they know?

[Bikkie]

I got my cock out today and showed it to my doctor, telling him I think it may be monkeypox.
He looked disgusted and refused to touch it so I left him alone to continue shopping with his wife and two kids.


Apparently, in their relationship, Amber Heard was the only one who gave a shit,


What does a Jedi Master have for breakfast in Italy?

Only one cannoli.


I'd only been going out with my new girlfriend for a day when she accused me of cheating and broke it off.
Last time I date a conjoined twin.

FINALLY! THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES.

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.

She dug through her handbag and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What's it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror in her handbag, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman.

"Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realise you were a cop."



Just saw an advert for a Jubilee celebration candle, in the shape of the Queen.

Genius! Royalists and republicans will all want one!



My neighbour has recently opened an 80?s music themed gay bar and he?s been asking about for suggestions as to what he should call it.

Turns out he wasn't a fan of Beers for Queers.



What does a fish from my local chip shop and Lucy Worsley have in common?

Just give me five minutes with Lucy and her minge will be well and truly battered.

That also goes with her back minge.

Phoooor



That shite band N DubZ are doing a reunion tour.

Their songs were passed round via Bluetooth like an STD, kind of like their female singer.



Monkey Pox is another thing that so called conspiracy theorists predicted.

They've been going: WHO! WHO! WHO! for the last 2 years.



Just been listening to a deep and meaningful conversation in the pub between four hipsters who were watching the Birmingham Athletics on the TV and discussing how black athletes overcome racism and work so hard to be physically fit and at the top of their game.
I quietly reminded them that those huge twin-nozzle air intakes in the middle of their faces might also play a part.



Doctor Who casts its first trans actress to play Billie Piper's iconic Rose .....

Billy with a willy.



After seeing an article encouraging parents to read stories containing black characters to their children to give them a better understanding of different cultures, I thought I'd give it a try.
"No, that's wrong," my daughter said, "It's Goldilocks and the THREE Bears, silly."
"No darling," I corrected her, "You see, the bears in this story are black bears so Daddy Bear had fucked off LONG before Baby Bear was born."



Ever since the tories have been in power, things are looking up!

Petrol is up, food prices are up, inflation is up, Interest rates are up



Elon Musk denies sexual misconduct allegations and has challenged his accuser to verify the claims by describing his intimate body parts.

No doubt he wants her to say "Well I can see why they call him eel-on."




Elon Musk Allegedly
Exposed Erect Penis to
SpaceX Employee; Report

'Yeah,I want the rocket to
look just like this...'



My daughter got married to her useless jigaboo boyfriend last weekend, and as I'm the only one in the family that has any money, I hired the DJ.

I had him play "Detachable Penis" by King Missile as every other song. My family was fucking livid.

There was nothing the remoaning fuckers could do though as I just said, "He who pays the piper, calls the tune."



Amateur baker Gemma won the prize of platinum pudding for her trifle after she ?beat off 5000 other contestants?

Dirty bastard


"Germany prepares for gas rationing" (The Telegraph)

Think you're about 80 years too late with this plan lads.



It's impossible for black people to do research regarding their family tree.

As they've all been chopped down.



'...A dog and a cat are having an argument about who is the favourite of humans.

The dog says, "Humans like us more. They have even named a tooth (canine) after us.
Naming such an important body part after us shows they like us more."

The cat smiles and says, "You are really not going to win this one you know.



"Seven treated for
breathing problems at
Birmingham Sainbury's"
They must have seen how
much the Avocados have
gone up in price.




If women in blackface
had their way,we'd be
watching "The Red And
White Menstrual Show."




HOLLYWOOD: Why not
make an action movie
for the masculine
testosterone filled gay
community?
Maybe call it 'Bottom Gun.'

[Bikkie]

BREAKING NEWS: (Daily Express UK)

Meghan and Harry send California crowd wild as Duchess kisses Duke at charity polo match.

Harry plays Polo and Meghan Markle is known as the mint with the hole.



The local bakery is expanding and hiring more staff. They have several roles that need filling.


I'm going to eat different types of bread all week.
Roll on Friday.


Just been sacked from my post as head of Climate research at East Anglia University.

All I said was: Is it just me, or has it turned a bit nippy?.



I was in my local last week near closing, the bar had just about emptied and there were three of us remaining. one of the lads said "I cant believe I am sitting here with two useless, fat lazy cunts." I answered, "Neither can i "

[Bikkie]

'It's my party, and I'll lie if I want to.'

-Boris Johnson


The BBC have apologised for 'Man United are shit' appearing on the screen during a broadcast,

Typical BBC, they finally report a true fact and then have to apologise for it.


From now on you have to ask for Viagra by its full medical name.

Mycoxafloppin.
I just used the wrong pronouns on someone. They had a right trantrum



Online news from Guardian said a guy who was totally blind with an assistance dog was asked to leave store by a security guard. The guard told the man to get out store three times until the guy asked to see the manager. Now either the Guardian reporter didn?t get the quote right or the blind guy was being very optimistic.



How do you confuse a Chinese Kid?

Give him a puppy as a Table present at Christmas...


Turns out the Chinese government has a huge facial recognition database of its population.

That's either the most complicated piece of software ever created or the least complicated piece of software ever created.


The council refused us permission to close our road for a Jubilee street party. So lateral thinking was required.

We're paying druggies to glue themselves to the road, pretending to be Extinction Rebellion, until we finish.


????When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother "what will I be?"????

She refused to answer on the grounds that assigning gender will probably be a crime in future and retroactively prosecutable.


A senior member of the royal family attends the Chelsea flower show and a coon ends up in a pond.

Just saying! (Perhaps it wasn't all Prince Philip).



My mate said to me "you should get vaccinated, because unvaccinated people are putting vaccinated people at risk"

So I said "so then if I got vaccinated, would they be putting me at risk?"

My dyslexic mate has just joined tinder! He hasn't found any dates yet, only chocolate eggs with little toys inside


My new girlfriend broke up with me over radio. She gave me a long distance radio so we can always talk to each other.

Me: Hey, how's it going? Roger.

Her: Hey. It's actually over. Over.

Harsh, but direct.


I met an Italian Mafia boss who lives in Yorkshire and controls the UK sugar market.

He's the Doncaster.


What do you call a white guy with a knife?

A chef.


I don?t fucking care if Boris has been photographed sniffing coke off Priti Patels tits with a bottle of Bolly in his other hand & a poxy banana stuck up his arse?

?he is still infinitely preferable to Egg n Spoon & Jak Raki loving Labour alternatives.